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Χρωστάω μια αγκαλιά.

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7 years ago

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Της Χριστίνας Ζαμπούνη.

Το ήξερα ότι ήταν η τελευταία φορά που σ’ έβλεπα…και δε γύρισες καν να με κοιτάξεις, γιατί –απλά- το ήξερες κι εσύ!
Γι’ αυτό δε το ‘κανες! Για να μη συναντηθούν οι ματιές μας και ξεχειλίσει ο ωκεανός που κρυβόταν μέσα τους…

Δε ξέρω ποιος φοβήθηκε πιο πολύ τη στιγμή εκείνη…

Εσύ ή εγώ;

Ξέρω όμως πως σκεφτήκαμε κι οι δυο, το ίδιο πράγμα, πως αυτή είναι η «τελευταία φορά» που συναντιόμαστε «εδώ».
Τρικυμία στην καρδιά μου την ώρα που σου είπα «γειά»…

Δε ξέρω αν το ‘νιωσες, αλλά νομίζω πως ναι!

Και μακάρι να το ‘νιωσες και να με συγχώρησες που δε σου ‘δωσα μια τελευταία αγκαλιά…

Ήθελα τόσα πολλά να σου πω κι αρκέστηκα σ’ ένα ξερό «γειά»  κι ας ήξερα ότι φεύγεις…
Δείλιασα μη προδοθώ και φανεί πόσο πονάω…

Μα πόσο ηλίθια φέρθηκα, Θεέ μου!

Αντί να σ’ αγκαλιάσω και να κλείσω σ’ αυτή την αγκαλιά όλα αυτά που ένιωθα για σένα να τα πάρεις μαζί σου σαν «κατευόδιο»  για να θυμάσαι… δείλιασα και το ‘βαλα στα πόδια!

Να θυμάσαι…(?)  Αν μπορείς να θυμάσαι…

Αν έχουν μνήμη οι νεκροί…
Δε ξέρω! Αναρωτιέμαι. Κι όσο αναρωτιέμαι, τόσο δε ξέρω!

Πάνε τόσες μέρες κι εσύ το μόνο που κάνεις, είναι να ντύνεις την απουσία με σιωπή και να περνάς απ’ τα όνειρά μου ανεπαίσθητα σαν οπτασία…
Μόνο αυτό! Το τόσο «λίγο»…
Νομίζω πως χαμογελάς, αλλά και πάλι όταν ξυπνώ δεν είμαι σίγουρη.

Ποτέ δεν ήμουν σίγουρη αν ξέρεις…Αν έχεις καταλάβει πόσα πολλά σημαίνεις για μένα!
Αναρωτιόμουν, αν ξέρεις πόσο σημαντικό ρόλο παίζεις στη ζωή μου,  στον τρόπο που σκέφτομαι και λειτουργώ, στον τρόπο που βλέπω τα πράγματα, που χάρη σε σένα άλλαξε κι έγινε πιο εποικοδομητικός κι ας μη σου το είπα ποτέ!

Ήλπιζα να το ξέρεις! Και νόμιζα πως θα προλάβω κάποια στιγμή να σου πω, πως χάρη σε σένα και την οπτική σου, έγινα –λίγο– καλύτερος άνθρωπος κι εγώ…
Ήμουν βέβαιη πως είχαμε χρόνο ακόμη…
Βέβαιη;  Μα πόσο θράσος μπορεί να είχα ώστε να θεωρώ δεδομένο ότι εσύ δε θα φύγεις, και πόση  ανάγκη να  πιστέψω πως θα είσαι εδώ φωτεινός σηματοδότης;;
Ναι! Θα στοιχημάτιζα ότι εσύ δε θα έφευγες ποτέ! 
Τόσο ήταν το πείσμα σου κι η δίψα σου «να είσαι εδώ»  για να προσφέρεις…
Κι όμως! Το στοίχημα χάθηκε…
Αμείλικτος ο χρόνος «έκανε πλάτες» στον εφιάλτη  που σε τραβούσε μακριά.

Έφευγες κι  ήταν λες, και δε πήρε χαμπάρι κανείς μας!

Ο θάνατος σε τύλιγε με την οσμή του κι εμείς κλείναμε τις μύτες μας να μη τον μυρίσουμε, σφαλούσαμε τα μάτια μας να μη δούμε τη χλωμάδα σου και τ’ αυτιά μας να μην ακούσουμε τις φυλακισμένες αναπνοές σου που δραπέτευαν ζορισμένες απ’ το σώμα που εγκατέλειπε…

Μα ήταν οι τελευταίες σου! κι ας αρνιόμασταν να το πιστέψουμε! Κατά βάθος το ξέραμε…

Θέλω να σου πω ότι μου λείπεις!  και σου χρωστάω μια αγκαλιά…

Όσο κι αν σε κουβαλώ μέσα μου, πάντα θα λείπεις και θα με πληγώνει η απουσία σου κι αυτό το «αντίο»  που δε σου το ‘πα όπως θα ήθελα να στο πω.

Πάνε κιόλας 40 μέρες…

Όλα αυτά για τα οποία πάντα ανησυχούσες και «τρωγόσουν», έχουν πάρει το δρόμο τους… και μόνο εσύ δεν είσαι εδώ!

Πολλές φορές κοιτώ στον ουρανό και σκέφτομαι:
«Ξέρω πως ήσουν πάλι εσύ!»

Να είσαι καλά, εκεί που είσαι, να μην πονάς, να μη λυπάσαι και να ‘ρχεσαι που και που στα όνειρά μου και να μου χαμογελάς…

Και να θυμάσαι, πόσο πολύ σ’ αγαπούσα!  γιατί αυτό το ξέρω πως το ήξερες!

Να το θυμάσαι!  Αν θυμούνται οι νεκροί…

(δείξε μου σημάδι!…να το ξέρω…)

Αφιερωμένο.

αναπνοές

Χριστίνα Ζαμπούνη

Είμαι από τους ανθρώπους που όσο δύσκολα κι αν είναι τα πράγματα δε παύω να ονειρεύομαι και να ζω τα όνειρά μου! Επίμονη! Πεισματάρα! Τελειομανής! Αθεράπευτα ρομαντική... Ονειρεύομαι, έναν καλύτερο κόσμο, πιο αληθινό, πιο ειλικρινή, πιο ανθρώπινο! Ιδιαίτερα συναισθηματική με ότι αυτό συνεπάγεται... Ψάχνω πάντα να βρω στους ανθρώπους τη θετική τους πλευρά και πιστεύω πως όλοι έχουν κι απ' αυτήν! Φύσει αισιόδοξη, πιστεύω πως τίποτα δεν είναι αδύνατο όταν το θέλουμε πολύ! Αγαπώ τους "καθαρούς" και "ανοιχτούς" ανθρώπους με θέληση και πείσμα για ζωή που δεν παύουν να ονειρεύονται και να ελπίζουν σε κάτι καλύτερο. Λατρεύω να ταξιδεύω ακόμη και νοερά. Ο σπουδαιότερος ρόλος της ζωής μου είναι ο ρόλος της μητέρας, κι ο μεγαλύτερος φόβος μου μην αποτύχω σ' αυτόν! Πάντα μου άρεσε να αποτυπώνω στο χαρτί τις βαθύτερες σκέψεις και τα συναισθήματά μου και νιώθω πανευτυχής που "αναπνέω" μαζί σας!

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Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου

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1 year ago

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25 November 2022

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Όταν σκεφτόμαστε συνεχώς πράγματα από το παρελθόν μας, είτε αναπολώντας τα, είτε αναθεωρώντας τα, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε μία παγίδα που μας κρατάει πίσω. Δεν δίνουμε αξία στο παρόν μας και έτσι δεν μπορούμε να χαρούμε τις εμπειρίες που βιώνουμε καθημερινά.

Η ζωή δεν είναι ένα ημερολόγιο γεγονότων που χρειάζεται ξεφύλλισμα από έναν παθητικό αναγνώστη, αλλά μία αρένα δραστηριοτήτων που πάντα έχει κάτι να μας τραβήξει το ενδιαφέρον. Το βέλος της ζωής δεν δείχνει ποτέ προς τα πίσω, δείχνει πάντα μπροστά.Έτσι, είναι ανώφελο κάποιος να κολλάει τη σκέψη του στο παρελθόν ή στο μέλλον σα να μην υπάρχει το “εδώ” και το “τώρα”.

Φυσικά, οι αναμνήσεις είναι εγγενές μέρος της ζωής και συχνά αναπόφευκτες. Είναι ένας τρόπος να μένουμε κοντά στα πρόσωπα που αγαπάμε και σε όσα είμαστε παθιασμένοι. Είναι το συστατικό της προσωπικής μας ταυτότητας και του χαρακτήρα μας. Είναι οι ρίζες βαθιά μέσα στον πυρήνα του εαυτού μας.

“Τό χθες δεν είναι τίποτα περισσότερο από την ανάμνηση του σήμερα, και τo αύριο, τo όνειρο του σήμερα”

-Kahlil Gibran-

Οι μνήμες είναι συχνά κάτι το απατηλό μιας και είναι φτιατσιδωμένες από τα γεγονότα του παρόντος και έτσι πέφτουν στη φάκα του νου. Η διαφορά ανάμεσα στις ψεύτικες και τις γνήσιες αναμνήσεις μοιάζει με τον τρόπο που ξεχωρίζουν τα φο-μπιζού από τα πραγματικά κοσμήματα, τα φο-μπιζού μοιάζουν αληθινά επειδή αστράφτουν πιο έντονα.

Η μνήμη μοιάζει με ένα όχι τόσο έξυπνο σκύλο που όταν του πετάξεις ένα ραβδί θα σου φέρει ένα διαφορετικό που βρίσκεται πιο δίπλα.

“Να ζείτε την κάθε μέρα της ζωής σας”

Η ζωή θα ήταν αδύνατη αν θυμόμασταν όλα όσα μας έχουν συμβεί

Ο Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν σε μία συνέντευξή του στο παρελθόν είχε ερωτηθεί τι κάνει όταν του έρχεται μία νέα ιδέα. Αν για παράδειγμα την καταγράφει σε ένα χαρτί ή σε κάποιο συγκεκριμένο σημειωματάριο. Απάντησε αποφασιστικά πως «Όταν έχω μια νέα καταπληκτική ιδέα, δεν τη ξεχνώ εύκολα». Και αυτή είναι η αλήθεια. Όταν κάτι μας συγκινεί σχεδόν αδύνατο να το ξεχάσουμε.

Έτσι, θυμόμαστε όσα είναι πραγματικά σημαντικά για μας και μας συναρπάζουν, γιατί ενεργοποιούνται οι περιοχές και οι νευρωνικές συνδέσεις του εγκεφάλου που είναι υπεύθυνες για τη διατήρηση αυτής της μνήμης.

Το πρόβλημα ανακύπτει όταν ο εγκέφαλος διατηρεί έντονα αναμνήσεις που θα πρέπει να ξεχάσουμε, γιατί δεν μας κάνουν καλό. Και ακριβώς αυτή η σήμανση συγκεκριμένων αναμνήσεων που επιθυμούμε να σβήσουμε είναι ο μηχανισμός που τις κρατά ζωντανές στο μυαλό μας.

Όπως πρεσβεύει και η μέθοδος της αντίστροφης ψυχολογίας, η διαδικασία της λήθης ξεκινά όταν αντίστοιχες καινούργιες μνήμες αντικαθιστούν τις παλιές μη επιθυμητές. Έτσι στο τέλος, όταν το μυαλό ανακτά μνήμες του παρελθόντος, έχει κάτι πιο φρέσκο να φέρει μπροστά μας!

“Πρέπει να ζουμε στο παρόν, να αναβαθμίζουμε τον εαυτό μας σε κάθε ευκαιρία που παρουσιάζεται μπροστά μας, να κερδίζουμε την αιωνιότητα κάθε στιγμή. Μόνο οι ανόητοι κάθονται στο νησί που κρύβει το θησαυρό κοιτώντας από μακριά άλλες παραλίες. Όπως δεν υπάρχουν άλλα νησιά για μας, έτσι υπάρχει μόνο μία ζωή που καλούμαστε να ζήσουμε.”

Η ανάμνηση μοιάζει με άρωμα που κρατά για πολύ

Οι απολαύσεις είναι λουλούδια που ανθίζουν όταν ζούμε τη ζωή μας, την παίρνουμε στα χέρια μας και τη γευόμαστε. Οι ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις είναι εκείνες που συνέβησαν τις στιγμές που έπρεπε και που δεν ξεχείλωσαν πέρα από τα όριά τους μη αφήνοντας να γευτούμε καινούργιες στιγμές.

Δεν θυμόμαστε γεγονότα στην ολότητά τους παρά μόνο συγκεκριμένες στιγμές, γι’ αυτό λοιπόν θα πρέπει να έχουμε βιώματα και εμπειρίες ξανά και ξανά. Ο πλούτος της ζωής βρίσκεται στις αναμνήσεις που συνεχίζουμε να κάνουμε και επιλέγουμε να κρατάμε. Μερικές φορές είναι δύσκολο να τολμήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες, ειδικά αν είμαστε κολλημένοι και περιχαρακωμένοι στη ζώνη άνεσης μας. Ωστόσο, αν θέλουμε να έχουμε ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις θα πρέπει να ζούμε μία έντονη ζωή.

Μολονότι, έχουμε ένα απτό και ικανό φυσικό σώμα και με τις αισθήσεις μας μπορούμε να έρθουμε σε επαφή με το εξωτερικό κόσμο και να τον καθορίσουμε όπως θέλουμε, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε όσα μας λέει το μυαλό μας και η εσωτερική μας φωνή. Παρ’ όλο αυτό, θα πρέπει να πάρουμε μια απόφαση. Είτε Θα περάσουμε τη ζωή μας αναμασώντας όσα μας συνέβησαν στο παρελθόν και ενθυμούμενοι τις άσχημες εμπειρίες που είχαμε, είτε θα πάρουμε τον έλεγχο της ζωής μας, θα ζήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες και φυσικά θα ελέγξουμε τα συναισθήματά μας. Μόνο αν τολμήσουμε κάτι τέτοιο, θα μπορέσουμε να απολαύσουμε την ύπαρξή μας.

Το κλειδί για να βιώνουμε περισσότερο είναι να σκεφτόμαστε και να αναπολούμε το παρελθόν λιγότερο και να περιορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες που περιμένουμε να υλοποιηθούν στο μέλλον. Να αποδεχτούμε αυτά που έχουμε στο εδώ και στο τώρα και τίποτα περισσότερο. Να ζούμε τις στιγμές μας εμποδίζοντας τους εαυτούς μας να αποπροσανατολιστούν από τις παγίδες που βάζει το μυαλό.

Εν τέλει, ο προορισμός μας είναι να ζήσουμε, όμως καταλήγουμε να ζούμε ελάχιστα. Είναι η ώρα να αντιστρέψουμε αυτόν τον κανόνα. Η ευτυχία δεν βρίσκεται σε άλλο τόπο και χρόνο, αλλά στο παρόν στο εδώ και στο τώρα. θυμάστε πάντα.

Πηγές: share24.gr / Spirit Alive 
Εικόνα: Johnny Palacios Hidalgo paint
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Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»

Published

1 year ago

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25 November 2022

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Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από τα δύσκολα. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που σε πλήγωναν εύκολα, που δεν δίσταζαν να σου πουν όχι, που δεν σε φρόντιζαν όσο θα ήθελες. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που ενώ γνώριζες ότι δεν είσαι ευτυχισμένος, ευτυχισμένη, παρέμενες και το ονόμαζες σχέση.

Παλιά έλεγες ότι αξίζεις περισσότερα, σταδιακά όμως σταμάτησες να το λες. Τον ξέχασες τον εαυτό σου. Δικαιολογούσες όλες τις συμπεριφορές των άλλων. Έμαθες να εφευρίσκεις δικαιολογίες για όλες τις συμπεριφορές, για όλα τα λόγια, για αυτά που σε πλήγωναν. Έμαθες να λες ότι γίνεσαι πιο δυνατός, πιο δυνατή έτσι.

Έμαθες να προσπαθείς να σώσεις, ακόμα και αυτά που δεν σώζονται. Προσπαθούσες για χρόνια να πείσεις τον εαυτό σου ότι έτσι είναι οι σχέσεις. Δύσκολες, πρέπει πάντα να καταλαβαίνεις τον άλλον, απαιτούν μόνιμα συμβιβασμούς και μόνιμα έπρεπε να προσφέρεις εσύ.

Να σου πω όμως κάτι; Δεν είναι έτσι οι σχέσεις. Έμαθες να αγαπάς όσους πληγώνουν την αγάπη, όσους πλήγωναν εσένα. Ονόμαζες το λίγο πολύ και πάντα δικαιολογούσες. Πάντα έλεγες ότι καταλαβαίνεις τους άλλους και ότι στην αγάπη πρέπει πάντα να ακούμε. Να σου πω όμως κάτι;

Δεν είναι αυτό αγάπη. Στην αγάπη προσφέρουν και οι δύο, νιώθουν και οι δύο, ακούνε και οι δύο, φροντίζουν και θαυμάζουν και οι δύο, ρωτάνε και οι δύο, ενδιαφέρονται και οι δύο, είναι παρόντες και οι δύο, επιδιώκουν και οι δύο, προσφέρουν και οι δύο, θέλουν τη σχέση έμπρακτα και οι δύο.

Δεν πληγώνουν. Δεν μειώνουν. Δεν παραμελούν. Δεν αγνοούν. Δείχνουν, με λίγα ή με πολλά, δεν έχει σημασία. Σέβονται. Και είναι τόσο όμορφο να σε σέβονται, να σε θαυμάζουν, να σου λένε πόσο όμορφος είσαι ή πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό που έφτιαξες.

Σταμάτησε να δικαιολογείς και να αρκείσαι στα λίγα. Φρόντισε τον εαυτό σου και αγάπησέ τον μέσα από τις επιλογές σου. Μην περιμένεις μία γιορτή για να σου δείξει ο άλλος αν σε αγαπάει. Αγάπη σημαίνει να σου δείχνω καθημερινά ότι αξίζω εγώ να είμαι δίπλα σου.

Ελένη Σολταρίδου – enallaktikidrasi.com

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Δε κλαίω γιατί είμαι αδύναμος! Κλαίω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός!

Published

1 year ago

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25 November 2022

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Ναι κλαίω. Κλαίω γιατί δεν είναι «ντροπή», επειδή δεν «εκτίθεμαι» όταν το κάνω όπως εσύ υποστηρίζεις. Κλαίω γιατί τα χω καλά με τον εαυτό μου κι έχω μάθει να μην τον καταπιέζω μόνο και μόνο για να μπορώ να εντάσσομαι στην κάθε κοινωνική νόρμα που θέλει τους «δυνατούς» αναίσθητους.

Κλαίω γιατί δεν είμαι αναίσθητος και επιλέγω να μην μηδενίζω τον ανθρώπινο συναισθηματισμό και την πηγαία δύναμη ξεσπάσματος που έχω μέσα μου και που όσο κι αν εσένα σου φαίνεται περίεργο, θέλει πολλά κουράγια να καταφέρεις να βγάλεις προς τα έξω.

Γιατί όταν αυτή η δύναμη απελευθερώνεται μένει εκεί για να σε ξυπνήσει, να σε κινητοποιήσει και να κατευθύνει την συνείδησή σου εκεί που έχεις ξεχάσει πώς να πάς.

Εκεί που είσαι άνθρωπος και εκφράζεσαι με ειλικρίνεια και θάρρος, όχι απέναντι στους άλλους αλλά απέναντι στον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Εκεί που κοιτάς κατάματα την ψυχή σου και της ζητάς παραπονεμένα το λόγο που σ’ αφήνει να ζεις όπως σου λένε οι άλλοι. Εκεί που ο πόνος, η συγκίνηση, η αγανάκτηση , η χαρά είναι και πάλι μέρος του εαυτού σου κι όχι απαγορευμένες, ξεχασμένες καταστάσεις του είναι σου.

Και ναι έφτασα εκεί. Και ήταν δύσκολο να αντιμετωπίσω τον εαυτό μου, μάλλον, ήταν δύσκολο να τον βρω γιατί συνεχώς τον έχανα ψάχνοντάς τον πίσω από καλώς δημιουργημένα, κοινωνικώς αποδεκτά προσωπεία.

Κι όταν τον βρήκα επιτέλους φοβήθηκα, κι άρχισα να τρέχω με πανικό για να μην συνειδητοποιήσω άλλα. Και μακριά από αυτόν έτρεχα κι από όλους τους άλλους, που μου έδιναν ρηχά διδάγματα επιβίωσης και επέμεναν πως είμαι αδύναμος και πως πρέπει να «σκληρύνω» και να κρύψω τον εαυτό μου για να επιβιώσω.

Στο τέλος όμως σταμάτησα. Γιατί ήταν μάταιο και γιατί κουράστηκα. Σταμάτησα αποφασιστικά, γύρισα προς τα πίσω, είδα τον εαυτό μου, του χαμογέλασα, τον πήρα αγκαλιά και μαζί πήραμε τον δρόμο του γυρισμού. Και μαζί ήμασταν πιο δυνατοί απέναντι στους άλλους. Και δυσκολευτήκαμε και συναντήσαμε εμπόδια αλλά δεν είχε πλέον σημασία γιατί είμαι πλέον ζωντανός! Κι όταν αισθάνομαι το κάνω με όλη την έννοια της λέξης!

Κι αν θέλω να κλάψω θα το κάνω, ακόμη κι αν είναι με μια μικρή λεπτομέρεια που με συγκίνησε και βελτίωσε ολιγόλεπτα την βαρετή καθημερινότητα που έχετε δημιουργήσει, και που ευτυχώς πλέον βιώνω ως απλός παρατηρητής. Και ευτυχώς δεν είμαι μόνος μου. Υπάρχουν κι άλλοι σαν κι εμένα και θα υπάρξουν ακόμη περισσότεροι.

Θα κλάψω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός και αν ο λόγος δεν σας αρκεί και θέλετε κάτι πιο «λογικό», θα κλάψω για σας και τον χαμένο σας συναισθηματισμό. Όχι για να σας θρηνήσω αλλά για να σας κάνω να θυμηθείτε τι θα πει «είμαι ζωντανός».

Σας χαιρετώ,

Ένας ζωντανός άνθρωπος

Πηγή: have2read
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