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Δεν αντέχω μακριά σου. Πού είσαι αγάπη μου; Γιατί έφυγες;

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Της Χρύσας Κατσιτοπούλου.

Μωρό μου; Πού είσαι; Μου έλειψες πολύ.
Δεν αντέχω μακριά σου! Θέλω να ακούσω την φωνή σου! Ο ήχος της έχει την δύναμη να με γαληνεύει.
Είναι χάδι μέσα στην μοναξιά μου. Με τη φωνή σου και μόνο ξυπνάνε όλες οι ηδονές του κορμιού μου. Όλο το είναι μου είναι ποτισμένo, με την μορφή σου, με την ανάσα σου με την παρουσία σου! Σου ανήκουν το μυαλό μου, η ψυχή μου το κορμί μου!
Πού είσαι αγάπη μου; Γιατί έφυγες;
Πώς θα συνηθίσω την απουσία σου;
Δε θέλω να συνηθίσω την απουσία σου! Θέλω να έχω μια μικρή τόσο δα ελπίδα ότι θα είμαστε πάλι μαζί. Δεν μπορώ να αναπνεύσω αν δεν έχω καμία ελπίδα ότι θα σε δω και σε αγκαλιάσω πάλι! Ας με πουν ηλίθια και ανόητη!! Ας ζήσω μέσα σε μια ουτοπία! Προτιμώ αυτό από το να μη σε έχω!
Προτιμώ το ψέμα από αυτή την καταραμένη αλήθεια που μου σκίζει τα σωθικά! Προτιμώ το λίγο σου από το καθόλου! Αρνούμαι να αποδεχτώ ότι δεν θα ξαναμιλήσω μαζί σου.. Πως είναι δυνατόν…
ΕΜΕΙΣ να γίναμε δυο ξένοι;
ΕΜΕΙΣ μακριά ο ένας από τον άλλον; Είναι αδιανόητο!! Πότε έγινε αυτό; ΠΩΣ; Τι συνέβη; Καρδιά μου! Ξέχασες πώς είμαστε;
ΕΜΕΙΣ ΜΑΖΙ! Αχώριστοι! Σε όλα μαζί! Μαζί στις χαρές μας, μαζί στις λύπες! Είμαι και είσαι η καλημέρα μου!
Είμαι και είσαι η καληνύχτα μου! Θυμάσαι πως σε νανουρίζω κάθε βράδυ με την στοργή μου; Ξεχνάς πως σε ζεσταίνω με την λατρεία μου; Ξεχνάς ποσό γρήγορα διώχνεις την λύπη , τον φόβο από την ψυχή μου με μια σου μόνο λέξη;
Ξέχασες; Τα ξέχασες όλα; Δε θυμάσαι τις ηδονές που μοιραστήκαμε;
Δε θυμάσαι τις φωτιές των κορμιών μας που σβήνουν όταν κάνουμε ερώτα;
Δε θυμάσαι τις λαχανιασμένες ανάσες μας, τα βογγητά της ταυτόχρονης ολοκλήρωσης μας; Εσύ! Μόνο ΕΣΥ έχεις την ικανότητα να φωτίζεις τα σκοτάδια μου. ΜΟΝΟ ΕΣΥ έχεις την ικανότητα να γεμίζεις με παραμύθι και μαγεία την άχρωμη καθημερινότητα μου… Αρνούμαι να βρω το υποκατάστατο σου! Θέλω εσένα! ΜΟΝΟ ΕΣΕΝΑ! Κλαίω!! Ευτυχώς κλαίω και για πολύ λίγο καταλαγιάζει ο πόνος της ψυχής μου.Κλαίω, ρίχνω νερό στο πρόσωπο μου.Κοιτάζομαι στον καθρέφτη και έτσι ΞΑΦΝΙΚΑ ΚΑΙ ΒΙΑΙΑ βλέπω την αλήθεια! Με χαστουκίζει με δύναμη η ανυπόφορη αλήθεια! Κλαίω και ουρλιάζω όχι! Μη φεύγεις από την αγκαλιά μου!
Για λίγο ακόμη δώσε μου το δικαίωμα στο όνειρο!
Για λίγο ακόμη έλα να μοιραστούμε τις αναπνοές μας!
Η σιχαμένη αλήθεια συνεχίζει να μου δίνει απανωτά χαστούκια και κλωτσιές στην ψυχή μου.
Δυστυχώς θυμάμαι! Δυστυχώς Ξέρω! Θυμήθηκα! Ξέρω γιατί δεν είμαστε πια μαζί!
Ουρλιάζω ΣΕ ΑΓΑΠΑΩ!
Ουρλιάζει το κορμί μου ΜΕΙΝΕ στην ζωή μου!
Ουρλιάζει το κορμί μου μοναξιά!
Ουρλιάζω η ανόητη μπας και με λυπηθεί η αλήθεια.
Όμως η αλήθεια είναι αμείλικτη, σκληρή, καθοριστική για την υπόλοιπη ζωή μου! Η γυμνή αλήθεια είναι μια! Χωρίς στολίδια και καμουφλάζ! ΑΡΓΗΣΑΜΕ ΝΑ ΒΡΕΘΟΥΜΕ ΑΓΑΠΗ ΜΟΥ! Η αλήθεια είναι ότι δεν είμαστε πια μαζί γιατί: ΜΙΑ ΦΟΡΑ ΚΑΙ ΕΝΑΝ ΚΑΙΡΟ ΣΥΝΑΝΤΗΘΗΚΑΝ ΤΑ ΠΑΙΔΑΚΙΑ ΠΟΥ ΚΑΤΟΙΚΟΥΝ ΜΕΣΑ ΜΑΣ!
Συναντήθηκαν με αγνότητα… αυθόρμητα, χωρίς πρώτη ή δεύτερη σκέψη και ένιωσαν αγάπη. Αληθινή αγάπη! Σαν τις αγάπες που γράφουν τα παραμύθια. Όμως μετά τσακώθηκε η λογική με το μυαλό! Όμως μετά εμείς οι “σοβαροί”, “ώριμοι ενήλικες” τα μαλώσαμε τα παιδάκια που ζουν μέσα μας.
Τα κακοποιήσαμε.
Τα γεμίσαμε με αμφιβολίες, καχυποψία και εγωισμό. Τους παγώσαμε τις ψυχές! Τους βάλαμε τις φωνές και τους είπαμε να σταματήσουν τις χαζομάρες.
Μεγαλώσατε! Τι βλακείες είναι αυτές; Τους φωνάξαμε!
Τους ουρλιάξαμε να μείνουν φρόνιμα και να μην βρεθούμε ποτέ ξανά!
Και έτσι τα αθώα παιδιά τρόμαξαν, έγιναν, ώριμα, σοβαρά και χάθηκαν…
ΤΕΛΟΣ

αναπνοές

Χρύσα Κατσιτοπούλου

Η γραφή είναι η φωνή της ψυχής μου, η διαφυγή μου και πάνω από όλα η ψυχανάλυσή μου. Στην ηλικία των 40+ παραμένω αθεράπευτα ρομαντική, ονειροπόλα και ταυτόχρονα ρεαλίστρια. Θέλω να ξέρω και να λέω την αλήθεια όσο σκληρή και αν είναι. Θέλω να εκφράζομαι ελεύθερα χωρίς μάσκες. Γενικότερα δεν αντέχω κουστουμαρισμένες συμπεριφορές και κλειδωμένους ανθρώπους. Το κοριτσάκι μέσα μου ακόμη ζει και ονειρεύεται! Κλαίω πολύ, γελάω πολύ, κάνω λάθη, αυτοσαρκάζομαι. Πάντα όλα στο κόκκινο! Έχω τη φωτεινή και τη σκοτεινή πλευρά μου. Παλεύω να κυριαρχεί η φωτεινή. Όμως η σκοτεινή πλευρά μού έχει δώσει τα μεγαλύτερα και σπουδαιότερα μαθήματα! Τα μότο της ζωής μου είναι: Η προσπάθεια μετρά, όχι το αποτέλεσμα. Σωτήρας της ζωής μου είμαι εγώ, κανένας άλλος! Όσο για την Ιθάκη που αναζητώ; Δεν είναι άλλη από τη γαλήνη της ψυχής μου.

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Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου

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Όταν σκεφτόμαστε συνεχώς πράγματα από το παρελθόν μας, είτε αναπολώντας τα, είτε αναθεωρώντας τα, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε μία παγίδα που μας κρατάει πίσω. Δεν δίνουμε αξία στο παρόν μας και έτσι δεν μπορούμε να χαρούμε τις εμπειρίες που βιώνουμε καθημερινά.

Η ζωή δεν είναι ένα ημερολόγιο γεγονότων που χρειάζεται ξεφύλλισμα από έναν παθητικό αναγνώστη, αλλά μία αρένα δραστηριοτήτων που πάντα έχει κάτι να μας τραβήξει το ενδιαφέρον. Το βέλος της ζωής δεν δείχνει ποτέ προς τα πίσω, δείχνει πάντα μπροστά.Έτσι, είναι ανώφελο κάποιος να κολλάει τη σκέψη του στο παρελθόν ή στο μέλλον σα να μην υπάρχει το “εδώ” και το “τώρα”.

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“Να ζείτε την κάθε μέρα της ζωής σας”

Η ζωή θα ήταν αδύνατη αν θυμόμασταν όλα όσα μας έχουν συμβεί

Ο Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν σε μία συνέντευξή του στο παρελθόν είχε ερωτηθεί τι κάνει όταν του έρχεται μία νέα ιδέα. Αν για παράδειγμα την καταγράφει σε ένα χαρτί ή σε κάποιο συγκεκριμένο σημειωματάριο. Απάντησε αποφασιστικά πως «Όταν έχω μια νέα καταπληκτική ιδέα, δεν τη ξεχνώ εύκολα». Και αυτή είναι η αλήθεια. Όταν κάτι μας συγκινεί σχεδόν αδύνατο να το ξεχάσουμε.

Έτσι, θυμόμαστε όσα είναι πραγματικά σημαντικά για μας και μας συναρπάζουν, γιατί ενεργοποιούνται οι περιοχές και οι νευρωνικές συνδέσεις του εγκεφάλου που είναι υπεύθυνες για τη διατήρηση αυτής της μνήμης.

Το πρόβλημα ανακύπτει όταν ο εγκέφαλος διατηρεί έντονα αναμνήσεις που θα πρέπει να ξεχάσουμε, γιατί δεν μας κάνουν καλό. Και ακριβώς αυτή η σήμανση συγκεκριμένων αναμνήσεων που επιθυμούμε να σβήσουμε είναι ο μηχανισμός που τις κρατά ζωντανές στο μυαλό μας.

Όπως πρεσβεύει και η μέθοδος της αντίστροφης ψυχολογίας, η διαδικασία της λήθης ξεκινά όταν αντίστοιχες καινούργιες μνήμες αντικαθιστούν τις παλιές μη επιθυμητές. Έτσι στο τέλος, όταν το μυαλό ανακτά μνήμες του παρελθόντος, έχει κάτι πιο φρέσκο να φέρει μπροστά μας!

“Πρέπει να ζουμε στο παρόν, να αναβαθμίζουμε τον εαυτό μας σε κάθε ευκαιρία που παρουσιάζεται μπροστά μας, να κερδίζουμε την αιωνιότητα κάθε στιγμή. Μόνο οι ανόητοι κάθονται στο νησί που κρύβει το θησαυρό κοιτώντας από μακριά άλλες παραλίες. Όπως δεν υπάρχουν άλλα νησιά για μας, έτσι υπάρχει μόνο μία ζωή που καλούμαστε να ζήσουμε.”

Η ανάμνηση μοιάζει με άρωμα που κρατά για πολύ

Οι απολαύσεις είναι λουλούδια που ανθίζουν όταν ζούμε τη ζωή μας, την παίρνουμε στα χέρια μας και τη γευόμαστε. Οι ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις είναι εκείνες που συνέβησαν τις στιγμές που έπρεπε και που δεν ξεχείλωσαν πέρα από τα όριά τους μη αφήνοντας να γευτούμε καινούργιες στιγμές.

Δεν θυμόμαστε γεγονότα στην ολότητά τους παρά μόνο συγκεκριμένες στιγμές, γι’ αυτό λοιπόν θα πρέπει να έχουμε βιώματα και εμπειρίες ξανά και ξανά. Ο πλούτος της ζωής βρίσκεται στις αναμνήσεις που συνεχίζουμε να κάνουμε και επιλέγουμε να κρατάμε. Μερικές φορές είναι δύσκολο να τολμήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες, ειδικά αν είμαστε κολλημένοι και περιχαρακωμένοι στη ζώνη άνεσης μας. Ωστόσο, αν θέλουμε να έχουμε ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις θα πρέπει να ζούμε μία έντονη ζωή.

Μολονότι, έχουμε ένα απτό και ικανό φυσικό σώμα και με τις αισθήσεις μας μπορούμε να έρθουμε σε επαφή με το εξωτερικό κόσμο και να τον καθορίσουμε όπως θέλουμε, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε όσα μας λέει το μυαλό μας και η εσωτερική μας φωνή. Παρ’ όλο αυτό, θα πρέπει να πάρουμε μια απόφαση. Είτε Θα περάσουμε τη ζωή μας αναμασώντας όσα μας συνέβησαν στο παρελθόν και ενθυμούμενοι τις άσχημες εμπειρίες που είχαμε, είτε θα πάρουμε τον έλεγχο της ζωής μας, θα ζήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες και φυσικά θα ελέγξουμε τα συναισθήματά μας. Μόνο αν τολμήσουμε κάτι τέτοιο, θα μπορέσουμε να απολαύσουμε την ύπαρξή μας.

Το κλειδί για να βιώνουμε περισσότερο είναι να σκεφτόμαστε και να αναπολούμε το παρελθόν λιγότερο και να περιορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες που περιμένουμε να υλοποιηθούν στο μέλλον. Να αποδεχτούμε αυτά που έχουμε στο εδώ και στο τώρα και τίποτα περισσότερο. Να ζούμε τις στιγμές μας εμποδίζοντας τους εαυτούς μας να αποπροσανατολιστούν από τις παγίδες που βάζει το μυαλό.

Εν τέλει, ο προορισμός μας είναι να ζήσουμε, όμως καταλήγουμε να ζούμε ελάχιστα. Είναι η ώρα να αντιστρέψουμε αυτόν τον κανόνα. Η ευτυχία δεν βρίσκεται σε άλλο τόπο και χρόνο, αλλά στο παρόν στο εδώ και στο τώρα. θυμάστε πάντα.

Πηγές: share24.gr / Spirit Alive 
Εικόνα: Johnny Palacios Hidalgo paint
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Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»

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Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από τα δύσκολα. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που σε πλήγωναν εύκολα, που δεν δίσταζαν να σου πουν όχι, που δεν σε φρόντιζαν όσο θα ήθελες. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που ενώ γνώριζες ότι δεν είσαι ευτυχισμένος, ευτυχισμένη, παρέμενες και το ονόμαζες σχέση.

Παλιά έλεγες ότι αξίζεις περισσότερα, σταδιακά όμως σταμάτησες να το λες. Τον ξέχασες τον εαυτό σου. Δικαιολογούσες όλες τις συμπεριφορές των άλλων. Έμαθες να εφευρίσκεις δικαιολογίες για όλες τις συμπεριφορές, για όλα τα λόγια, για αυτά που σε πλήγωναν. Έμαθες να λες ότι γίνεσαι πιο δυνατός, πιο δυνατή έτσι.

Έμαθες να προσπαθείς να σώσεις, ακόμα και αυτά που δεν σώζονται. Προσπαθούσες για χρόνια να πείσεις τον εαυτό σου ότι έτσι είναι οι σχέσεις. Δύσκολες, πρέπει πάντα να καταλαβαίνεις τον άλλον, απαιτούν μόνιμα συμβιβασμούς και μόνιμα έπρεπε να προσφέρεις εσύ.

Να σου πω όμως κάτι; Δεν είναι έτσι οι σχέσεις. Έμαθες να αγαπάς όσους πληγώνουν την αγάπη, όσους πλήγωναν εσένα. Ονόμαζες το λίγο πολύ και πάντα δικαιολογούσες. Πάντα έλεγες ότι καταλαβαίνεις τους άλλους και ότι στην αγάπη πρέπει πάντα να ακούμε. Να σου πω όμως κάτι;

Δεν είναι αυτό αγάπη. Στην αγάπη προσφέρουν και οι δύο, νιώθουν και οι δύο, ακούνε και οι δύο, φροντίζουν και θαυμάζουν και οι δύο, ρωτάνε και οι δύο, ενδιαφέρονται και οι δύο, είναι παρόντες και οι δύο, επιδιώκουν και οι δύο, προσφέρουν και οι δύο, θέλουν τη σχέση έμπρακτα και οι δύο.

Δεν πληγώνουν. Δεν μειώνουν. Δεν παραμελούν. Δεν αγνοούν. Δείχνουν, με λίγα ή με πολλά, δεν έχει σημασία. Σέβονται. Και είναι τόσο όμορφο να σε σέβονται, να σε θαυμάζουν, να σου λένε πόσο όμορφος είσαι ή πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό που έφτιαξες.

Σταμάτησε να δικαιολογείς και να αρκείσαι στα λίγα. Φρόντισε τον εαυτό σου και αγάπησέ τον μέσα από τις επιλογές σου. Μην περιμένεις μία γιορτή για να σου δείξει ο άλλος αν σε αγαπάει. Αγάπη σημαίνει να σου δείχνω καθημερινά ότι αξίζω εγώ να είμαι δίπλα σου.

Ελένη Σολταρίδου – enallaktikidrasi.com

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Δε κλαίω γιατί είμαι αδύναμος! Κλαίω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός!

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Ναι κλαίω. Κλαίω γιατί δεν είναι «ντροπή», επειδή δεν «εκτίθεμαι» όταν το κάνω όπως εσύ υποστηρίζεις. Κλαίω γιατί τα χω καλά με τον εαυτό μου κι έχω μάθει να μην τον καταπιέζω μόνο και μόνο για να μπορώ να εντάσσομαι στην κάθε κοινωνική νόρμα που θέλει τους «δυνατούς» αναίσθητους.

Κλαίω γιατί δεν είμαι αναίσθητος και επιλέγω να μην μηδενίζω τον ανθρώπινο συναισθηματισμό και την πηγαία δύναμη ξεσπάσματος που έχω μέσα μου και που όσο κι αν εσένα σου φαίνεται περίεργο, θέλει πολλά κουράγια να καταφέρεις να βγάλεις προς τα έξω.

Γιατί όταν αυτή η δύναμη απελευθερώνεται μένει εκεί για να σε ξυπνήσει, να σε κινητοποιήσει και να κατευθύνει την συνείδησή σου εκεί που έχεις ξεχάσει πώς να πάς.

Εκεί που είσαι άνθρωπος και εκφράζεσαι με ειλικρίνεια και θάρρος, όχι απέναντι στους άλλους αλλά απέναντι στον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Εκεί που κοιτάς κατάματα την ψυχή σου και της ζητάς παραπονεμένα το λόγο που σ’ αφήνει να ζεις όπως σου λένε οι άλλοι. Εκεί που ο πόνος, η συγκίνηση, η αγανάκτηση , η χαρά είναι και πάλι μέρος του εαυτού σου κι όχι απαγορευμένες, ξεχασμένες καταστάσεις του είναι σου.

Και ναι έφτασα εκεί. Και ήταν δύσκολο να αντιμετωπίσω τον εαυτό μου, μάλλον, ήταν δύσκολο να τον βρω γιατί συνεχώς τον έχανα ψάχνοντάς τον πίσω από καλώς δημιουργημένα, κοινωνικώς αποδεκτά προσωπεία.

Κι όταν τον βρήκα επιτέλους φοβήθηκα, κι άρχισα να τρέχω με πανικό για να μην συνειδητοποιήσω άλλα. Και μακριά από αυτόν έτρεχα κι από όλους τους άλλους, που μου έδιναν ρηχά διδάγματα επιβίωσης και επέμεναν πως είμαι αδύναμος και πως πρέπει να «σκληρύνω» και να κρύψω τον εαυτό μου για να επιβιώσω.

Στο τέλος όμως σταμάτησα. Γιατί ήταν μάταιο και γιατί κουράστηκα. Σταμάτησα αποφασιστικά, γύρισα προς τα πίσω, είδα τον εαυτό μου, του χαμογέλασα, τον πήρα αγκαλιά και μαζί πήραμε τον δρόμο του γυρισμού. Και μαζί ήμασταν πιο δυνατοί απέναντι στους άλλους. Και δυσκολευτήκαμε και συναντήσαμε εμπόδια αλλά δεν είχε πλέον σημασία γιατί είμαι πλέον ζωντανός! Κι όταν αισθάνομαι το κάνω με όλη την έννοια της λέξης!

Κι αν θέλω να κλάψω θα το κάνω, ακόμη κι αν είναι με μια μικρή λεπτομέρεια που με συγκίνησε και βελτίωσε ολιγόλεπτα την βαρετή καθημερινότητα που έχετε δημιουργήσει, και που ευτυχώς πλέον βιώνω ως απλός παρατηρητής. Και ευτυχώς δεν είμαι μόνος μου. Υπάρχουν κι άλλοι σαν κι εμένα και θα υπάρξουν ακόμη περισσότεροι.

Θα κλάψω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός και αν ο λόγος δεν σας αρκεί και θέλετε κάτι πιο «λογικό», θα κλάψω για σας και τον χαμένο σας συναισθηματισμό. Όχι για να σας θρηνήσω αλλά για να σας κάνω να θυμηθείτε τι θα πει «είμαι ζωντανός».

Σας χαιρετώ,

Ένας ζωντανός άνθρωπος

Πηγή: have2read
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