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Eίμαι ερωτευμένος.

Τι σημαίνει στ’ αλήθεια να είσαι ερωτευμένος; Ότι νιώθεις πεταλούδες στο στομάχι, κόβονται τα πόδια σου όταν τον/την κοιτάς, σκέφτεσαι το έτερόν σου ήμισυ συνέχεια, περνάς πολύ χρόνο μαζί του; Ποιο απ’ όλα αυτά αποδίδει καλύτερα το συναίσθημα του ερωτευμένου;

Δεν είναι μόνο αυτά. Ο έρωτας είναι κάτι πιο βαθύ, κάτι πιο μεγάλο, που σε κάνει να χαμογελάς πλατιά και αληθινά, με την καρδιά σου και όχι απλά με τα χείλη σου. Στις μέρες μας συνηθίζεται κάθε ερωτική σχέση να φορά τον μανδύα του πραγματικού έρωτα. Της αγάπης. Όμως ο έρωτας δεν έχει ουδεμία σχέση με την κατάσταση του «να μωρέ, απλά περνάμε καλά με τον άλλον». Ούτε με την ασφάλεια. Ο έρωτας πνίγεται στην ασφάλεια και στη στασιμότητα. Θέλει χώρο για να ωριμάσει, θέλει ψυχή για να ντυθεί, και εύφορο έδαφος για να ακμάσει. Το μόνο σίγουρο είναι ότι σε συναρπάζει, ταράζει την ήσυχη και ήρεμη καθημερινότητά σου και στην ουσία σε αλλάζει σαν άνθρωπο μετατρέποντάς σε στην καλύτερη εκδοχή του εαυτού σου.

Η μαγεία που δίνει κουράγιο, το “για πάντα” που το εννοείς:

Ο έρωτας είναι το απαύγασμα όλων των συναισθημάτων, κάτι μοναδικό για το οποίο δεν έχουν γραφτεί άδικα τόσες ωδές. Αυτή η μαγεία τού να μοιράζεσαι συναισθήματα είναι που σου δίνει το κουράγιο να αντιμετωπίσεις κάθε πιθανή δυσκολία στο μονοπάτι της ζωής. Συχνά βέβαια ο έρωτας εξιδανικεύει το έτερόν μας ήμισυ, αλλά αυτό δεν είναι απαραίτητα κακό αν και οι δύο μοιράζονται τα ίδια συναισθήματα. Στα μάτια μας αυτός που έχουμε επιλέξει να είναι δίπλα μας, φαντάζει ως ο ιδανικός για εμάς, αυτός με τον οποίο έχουμε καταπληκτική χημεία, ίδια ή παρόμοια γούστα και επιθυμίες, κοινά ενδιαφέροντα και πάνω απ’ όλα κατανόηση.  Απ’ όλους τους ανθρώπους στη γη εσύ επέλεξες τον έναν και αυτός επέλεξε εσένα για να χαράξετε τη δική σας πορεία, να μοιραστείτε συναισθήματα και να είστε πάντα δίπλα ο ένας τον άλλον. Εντάξει, το “πάντα” ίσως είναι υπερβολικό. Για τον ερωτευμένο όμως το “πάντα” είναι κυρίαρχο και καθημερινό. «Θέλω να είμαστε για πάντα μαζί». Σίγουρα το έχεις πει κάποια στιγμή ή το έχεις ακούσει από φίλους σου να το λένε.

Ο φόβος της μοναξιάς και ο συμβιβασμός:

Συχνά όμως βλέπεις γύρω σου και περιπτώσεις όπου άνθρωποι ανασφαλείς συνάπτουν σχέσεις από φόβο μήπως μείνουν μόνοι. Το ακούς πολύ να συζητείται και το βλέπεις να γίνεται με φίλους και φίλες σου που μεγαλώνουν και τους πιάνει το άγχος τι θ’ απογίνουν στη ζωή. Δοκιμάζουν να είναι με άτομα με τα οποία δεν είναι ερωτευμένοι και η σχέση συνήθως έχει άδοξο τέλος. Kαι είναι λογικό. Όσο εκλείπει ο έρωτας τόσο οι άνθρωποι μέσα στις σχέσεις ασφυκτιούν έρποντας σε μία διαρκώς ασφαλή και βολεμένη κατάσταση. Βαφτίζουν αυτό που έχουν, “έρωτα”, και προσπαθούν να ξεγελάσουν και τον ίδιο τους τον εαυτό πως περνάνε καλά μέσα σε τέτοιες σχέσεις. Μα πώς μπορείς να πεις ψέματα στον εαυτό σου; Πώς μπορείς να υπάρχεις σε μια βαλτώδη σχέση γεμάτη συνήθεια και συμβιβασμούς;

Βλέπεις γύρω σου ζευγάρια που δεν έχουν την παραμικρή σπίθα, το παραμικρό πάθος και όμως λένε πως είναι ερωτευμένοι. Όχι, αγαπητοί μου, δεν είστε ερωτευμένοι, βολεμένοι είστε στον μικρόκοσμό σας και στη σχεσούλα σας. Ο έρωτας ο αληθινός ξεχωρίζει από τον τρόπο που την κοιτάς στα μάτια όταν κοιτάει αλλού, απ’τον τρόπο που τη φιλάς σε κάθε δυνατή ευκαιρία, από το ότι θέλεις να την κάνεις να γελά συνεχώς. Σε καμία περίπτωση η ρουτίνα δεν είναι έρωτας, και συγγνώμη αν τώρα σου χαλάω κάτι από τον κόσμο σου.

Τα “αν” της τελειότητας:

Αν όταν κοιτάζεις το ταίρι σου χαμογελάς αβίαστα, αν τον/την σκέφτεσαι πολύ, εάν δεν φαντάζεσαι τη ζωή σου με κανέναν άλλον παρά μόνο με αυτόν, αν του έχεις θυμώσει και δεν μπορείς να του κρατήσεις κακία, αν τον χαζεύεις και σε χαζεύει όταν κοιμάστε, αν έχει κάνει τον κόσμο σου υπέροχο και παραμυθένιο -γιατί είμαστε ρομαντικοί και πιστεύουμε ακόμη πως τέτοιοι έρωτες υπάρχουν- τότε θα πρέπει να θεωρείς τον εαυτό σου τυχερό γιατί είσαι πραγματικά ερωτευμένος. Μπορώ να συνεχίσω μέχρι αύριο με τα υποθετικά “αν” αλλά δεν θέλω να σε κουράσω.

Ο στόχος είναι ένας και μοναδικός:

Η ουσία είναι πως ο αληθινός έρωτας είναι αυτός τον οποίο δεν μπορείς να κρύψεις και εκείνος τον οποίο σίγουρα δεν μπορείς να προσποιηθείς. Τον νιώθεις να σφυροκοπά μέσα σου συνεχώς και να μην σε αφήνει σε ησυχία. Και είναι αυτός για τον οποίον θα πάλευες μέχρι τελικής πτώσεως. Δεν έχει σχέση ούτε με εξαρτησιακές σχέσεις ούτε με ανασφαλείς υπάρξεις. Για να μοιραστείς την ευτυχία χρειάζεται και δεύτερος. Μην παρεκκλίνεις από τον μοναδικό ουσιαστικό στόχο, που δεν είναι άλλος από την ευτυχία. Τίποτα λιγότερο, σε κάθε σχέση που συνάπτεις. Μην συμβιβάζεσαι σε σχέσεις που δεν σε γεμίζουν και δεν σε κάνουν ευτυχισμένο/-η. Τίποτα λιγότερο από τα πάντα!

Μαίρη Βασιλάκη

Πηγή

Έφη Μπαμπούρη

Μετά τα 20 και σε κρίση. Τρελή, ανάποδη και αθεράπευτα ονειροπόλα. Πιστεύω στο κάρμα και αρνούμαι να αντισταθώ στην υπέρτατη δύναμη του σύμπαντος. Από μικρή σκορπίζω λέξεις σε αράδες και γεμίζω τη ψυχή μου με εκείνους που βλέπουν μέσα σε αυτά τον εαυτό τους. Στόχος μου η φράση του Καζαντζάκη. Να φτάσω όπου δε μπορώ.

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Σχέσεις

Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου

Published

on

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Όταν σκεφτόμαστε συνεχώς πράγματα από το παρελθόν μας, είτε αναπολώντας τα, είτε αναθεωρώντας τα, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε μία παγίδα που μας κρατάει πίσω. Δεν δίνουμε αξία στο παρόν μας και έτσι δεν μπορούμε να χαρούμε τις εμπειρίες που βιώνουμε καθημερινά.

Η ζωή δεν είναι ένα ημερολόγιο γεγονότων που χρειάζεται ξεφύλλισμα από έναν παθητικό αναγνώστη, αλλά μία αρένα δραστηριοτήτων που πάντα έχει κάτι να μας τραβήξει το ενδιαφέρον. Το βέλος της ζωής δεν δείχνει ποτέ προς τα πίσω, δείχνει πάντα μπροστά.Έτσι, είναι ανώφελο κάποιος να κολλάει τη σκέψη του στο παρελθόν ή στο μέλλον σα να μην υπάρχει το “εδώ” και το “τώρα”.

Φυσικά, οι αναμνήσεις είναι εγγενές μέρος της ζωής και συχνά αναπόφευκτες. Είναι ένας τρόπος να μένουμε κοντά στα πρόσωπα που αγαπάμε και σε όσα είμαστε παθιασμένοι. Είναι το συστατικό της προσωπικής μας ταυτότητας και του χαρακτήρα μας. Είναι οι ρίζες βαθιά μέσα στον πυρήνα του εαυτού μας.

“Τό χθες δεν είναι τίποτα περισσότερο από την ανάμνηση του σήμερα, και τo αύριο, τo όνειρο του σήμερα”

-Kahlil Gibran-

Οι μνήμες είναι συχνά κάτι το απατηλό μιας και είναι φτιατσιδωμένες από τα γεγονότα του παρόντος και έτσι πέφτουν στη φάκα του νου. Η διαφορά ανάμεσα στις ψεύτικες και τις γνήσιες αναμνήσεις μοιάζει με τον τρόπο που ξεχωρίζουν τα φο-μπιζού από τα πραγματικά κοσμήματα, τα φο-μπιζού μοιάζουν αληθινά επειδή αστράφτουν πιο έντονα.

Η μνήμη μοιάζει με ένα όχι τόσο έξυπνο σκύλο που όταν του πετάξεις ένα ραβδί θα σου φέρει ένα διαφορετικό που βρίσκεται πιο δίπλα.

“Να ζείτε την κάθε μέρα της ζωής σας”

Η ζωή θα ήταν αδύνατη αν θυμόμασταν όλα όσα μας έχουν συμβεί

Ο Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν σε μία συνέντευξή του στο παρελθόν είχε ερωτηθεί τι κάνει όταν του έρχεται μία νέα ιδέα. Αν για παράδειγμα την καταγράφει σε ένα χαρτί ή σε κάποιο συγκεκριμένο σημειωματάριο. Απάντησε αποφασιστικά πως «Όταν έχω μια νέα καταπληκτική ιδέα, δεν τη ξεχνώ εύκολα». Και αυτή είναι η αλήθεια. Όταν κάτι μας συγκινεί σχεδόν αδύνατο να το ξεχάσουμε.

Έτσι, θυμόμαστε όσα είναι πραγματικά σημαντικά για μας και μας συναρπάζουν, γιατί ενεργοποιούνται οι περιοχές και οι νευρωνικές συνδέσεις του εγκεφάλου που είναι υπεύθυνες για τη διατήρηση αυτής της μνήμης.

Το πρόβλημα ανακύπτει όταν ο εγκέφαλος διατηρεί έντονα αναμνήσεις που θα πρέπει να ξεχάσουμε, γιατί δεν μας κάνουν καλό. Και ακριβώς αυτή η σήμανση συγκεκριμένων αναμνήσεων που επιθυμούμε να σβήσουμε είναι ο μηχανισμός που τις κρατά ζωντανές στο μυαλό μας.

Όπως πρεσβεύει και η μέθοδος της αντίστροφης ψυχολογίας, η διαδικασία της λήθης ξεκινά όταν αντίστοιχες καινούργιες μνήμες αντικαθιστούν τις παλιές μη επιθυμητές. Έτσι στο τέλος, όταν το μυαλό ανακτά μνήμες του παρελθόντος, έχει κάτι πιο φρέσκο να φέρει μπροστά μας!

“Πρέπει να ζουμε στο παρόν, να αναβαθμίζουμε τον εαυτό μας σε κάθε ευκαιρία που παρουσιάζεται μπροστά μας, να κερδίζουμε την αιωνιότητα κάθε στιγμή. Μόνο οι ανόητοι κάθονται στο νησί που κρύβει το θησαυρό κοιτώντας από μακριά άλλες παραλίες. Όπως δεν υπάρχουν άλλα νησιά για μας, έτσι υπάρχει μόνο μία ζωή που καλούμαστε να ζήσουμε.”

Η ανάμνηση μοιάζει με άρωμα που κρατά για πολύ

Οι απολαύσεις είναι λουλούδια που ανθίζουν όταν ζούμε τη ζωή μας, την παίρνουμε στα χέρια μας και τη γευόμαστε. Οι ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις είναι εκείνες που συνέβησαν τις στιγμές που έπρεπε και που δεν ξεχείλωσαν πέρα από τα όριά τους μη αφήνοντας να γευτούμε καινούργιες στιγμές.

Δεν θυμόμαστε γεγονότα στην ολότητά τους παρά μόνο συγκεκριμένες στιγμές, γι’ αυτό λοιπόν θα πρέπει να έχουμε βιώματα και εμπειρίες ξανά και ξανά. Ο πλούτος της ζωής βρίσκεται στις αναμνήσεις που συνεχίζουμε να κάνουμε και επιλέγουμε να κρατάμε. Μερικές φορές είναι δύσκολο να τολμήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες, ειδικά αν είμαστε κολλημένοι και περιχαρακωμένοι στη ζώνη άνεσης μας. Ωστόσο, αν θέλουμε να έχουμε ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις θα πρέπει να ζούμε μία έντονη ζωή.

Μολονότι, έχουμε ένα απτό και ικανό φυσικό σώμα και με τις αισθήσεις μας μπορούμε να έρθουμε σε επαφή με το εξωτερικό κόσμο και να τον καθορίσουμε όπως θέλουμε, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε όσα μας λέει το μυαλό μας και η εσωτερική μας φωνή. Παρ’ όλο αυτό, θα πρέπει να πάρουμε μια απόφαση. Είτε Θα περάσουμε τη ζωή μας αναμασώντας όσα μας συνέβησαν στο παρελθόν και ενθυμούμενοι τις άσχημες εμπειρίες που είχαμε, είτε θα πάρουμε τον έλεγχο της ζωής μας, θα ζήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες και φυσικά θα ελέγξουμε τα συναισθήματά μας. Μόνο αν τολμήσουμε κάτι τέτοιο, θα μπορέσουμε να απολαύσουμε την ύπαρξή μας.

Το κλειδί για να βιώνουμε περισσότερο είναι να σκεφτόμαστε και να αναπολούμε το παρελθόν λιγότερο και να περιορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες που περιμένουμε να υλοποιηθούν στο μέλλον. Να αποδεχτούμε αυτά που έχουμε στο εδώ και στο τώρα και τίποτα περισσότερο. Να ζούμε τις στιγμές μας εμποδίζοντας τους εαυτούς μας να αποπροσανατολιστούν από τις παγίδες που βάζει το μυαλό.

Εν τέλει, ο προορισμός μας είναι να ζήσουμε, όμως καταλήγουμε να ζούμε ελάχιστα. Είναι η ώρα να αντιστρέψουμε αυτόν τον κανόνα. Η ευτυχία δεν βρίσκεται σε άλλο τόπο και χρόνο, αλλά στο παρόν στο εδώ και στο τώρα. θυμάστε πάντα.

Πηγές: share24.gr / Spirit Alive 
Εικόνα: Johnny Palacios Hidalgo paint
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Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»

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Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από τα δύσκολα. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που σε πλήγωναν εύκολα, που δεν δίσταζαν να σου πουν όχι, που δεν σε φρόντιζαν όσο θα ήθελες. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που ενώ γνώριζες ότι δεν είσαι ευτυχισμένος, ευτυχισμένη, παρέμενες και το ονόμαζες σχέση.

Παλιά έλεγες ότι αξίζεις περισσότερα, σταδιακά όμως σταμάτησες να το λες. Τον ξέχασες τον εαυτό σου. Δικαιολογούσες όλες τις συμπεριφορές των άλλων. Έμαθες να εφευρίσκεις δικαιολογίες για όλες τις συμπεριφορές, για όλα τα λόγια, για αυτά που σε πλήγωναν. Έμαθες να λες ότι γίνεσαι πιο δυνατός, πιο δυνατή έτσι.

Έμαθες να προσπαθείς να σώσεις, ακόμα και αυτά που δεν σώζονται. Προσπαθούσες για χρόνια να πείσεις τον εαυτό σου ότι έτσι είναι οι σχέσεις. Δύσκολες, πρέπει πάντα να καταλαβαίνεις τον άλλον, απαιτούν μόνιμα συμβιβασμούς και μόνιμα έπρεπε να προσφέρεις εσύ.

Να σου πω όμως κάτι; Δεν είναι έτσι οι σχέσεις. Έμαθες να αγαπάς όσους πληγώνουν την αγάπη, όσους πλήγωναν εσένα. Ονόμαζες το λίγο πολύ και πάντα δικαιολογούσες. Πάντα έλεγες ότι καταλαβαίνεις τους άλλους και ότι στην αγάπη πρέπει πάντα να ακούμε. Να σου πω όμως κάτι;

Δεν είναι αυτό αγάπη. Στην αγάπη προσφέρουν και οι δύο, νιώθουν και οι δύο, ακούνε και οι δύο, φροντίζουν και θαυμάζουν και οι δύο, ρωτάνε και οι δύο, ενδιαφέρονται και οι δύο, είναι παρόντες και οι δύο, επιδιώκουν και οι δύο, προσφέρουν και οι δύο, θέλουν τη σχέση έμπρακτα και οι δύο.

Δεν πληγώνουν. Δεν μειώνουν. Δεν παραμελούν. Δεν αγνοούν. Δείχνουν, με λίγα ή με πολλά, δεν έχει σημασία. Σέβονται. Και είναι τόσο όμορφο να σε σέβονται, να σε θαυμάζουν, να σου λένε πόσο όμορφος είσαι ή πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό που έφτιαξες.

Σταμάτησε να δικαιολογείς και να αρκείσαι στα λίγα. Φρόντισε τον εαυτό σου και αγάπησέ τον μέσα από τις επιλογές σου. Μην περιμένεις μία γιορτή για να σου δείξει ο άλλος αν σε αγαπάει. Αγάπη σημαίνει να σου δείχνω καθημερινά ότι αξίζω εγώ να είμαι δίπλα σου.

Ελένη Σολταρίδου – enallaktikidrasi.com

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Δε κλαίω γιατί είμαι αδύναμος! Κλαίω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός!

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Ναι κλαίω. Κλαίω γιατί δεν είναι «ντροπή», επειδή δεν «εκτίθεμαι» όταν το κάνω όπως εσύ υποστηρίζεις. Κλαίω γιατί τα χω καλά με τον εαυτό μου κι έχω μάθει να μην τον καταπιέζω μόνο και μόνο για να μπορώ να εντάσσομαι στην κάθε κοινωνική νόρμα που θέλει τους «δυνατούς» αναίσθητους.

Κλαίω γιατί δεν είμαι αναίσθητος και επιλέγω να μην μηδενίζω τον ανθρώπινο συναισθηματισμό και την πηγαία δύναμη ξεσπάσματος που έχω μέσα μου και που όσο κι αν εσένα σου φαίνεται περίεργο, θέλει πολλά κουράγια να καταφέρεις να βγάλεις προς τα έξω.

Γιατί όταν αυτή η δύναμη απελευθερώνεται μένει εκεί για να σε ξυπνήσει, να σε κινητοποιήσει και να κατευθύνει την συνείδησή σου εκεί που έχεις ξεχάσει πώς να πάς.

Εκεί που είσαι άνθρωπος και εκφράζεσαι με ειλικρίνεια και θάρρος, όχι απέναντι στους άλλους αλλά απέναντι στον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Εκεί που κοιτάς κατάματα την ψυχή σου και της ζητάς παραπονεμένα το λόγο που σ’ αφήνει να ζεις όπως σου λένε οι άλλοι. Εκεί που ο πόνος, η συγκίνηση, η αγανάκτηση , η χαρά είναι και πάλι μέρος του εαυτού σου κι όχι απαγορευμένες, ξεχασμένες καταστάσεις του είναι σου.

Και ναι έφτασα εκεί. Και ήταν δύσκολο να αντιμετωπίσω τον εαυτό μου, μάλλον, ήταν δύσκολο να τον βρω γιατί συνεχώς τον έχανα ψάχνοντάς τον πίσω από καλώς δημιουργημένα, κοινωνικώς αποδεκτά προσωπεία.

Κι όταν τον βρήκα επιτέλους φοβήθηκα, κι άρχισα να τρέχω με πανικό για να μην συνειδητοποιήσω άλλα. Και μακριά από αυτόν έτρεχα κι από όλους τους άλλους, που μου έδιναν ρηχά διδάγματα επιβίωσης και επέμεναν πως είμαι αδύναμος και πως πρέπει να «σκληρύνω» και να κρύψω τον εαυτό μου για να επιβιώσω.

Στο τέλος όμως σταμάτησα. Γιατί ήταν μάταιο και γιατί κουράστηκα. Σταμάτησα αποφασιστικά, γύρισα προς τα πίσω, είδα τον εαυτό μου, του χαμογέλασα, τον πήρα αγκαλιά και μαζί πήραμε τον δρόμο του γυρισμού. Και μαζί ήμασταν πιο δυνατοί απέναντι στους άλλους. Και δυσκολευτήκαμε και συναντήσαμε εμπόδια αλλά δεν είχε πλέον σημασία γιατί είμαι πλέον ζωντανός! Κι όταν αισθάνομαι το κάνω με όλη την έννοια της λέξης!

Κι αν θέλω να κλάψω θα το κάνω, ακόμη κι αν είναι με μια μικρή λεπτομέρεια που με συγκίνησε και βελτίωσε ολιγόλεπτα την βαρετή καθημερινότητα που έχετε δημιουργήσει, και που ευτυχώς πλέον βιώνω ως απλός παρατηρητής. Και ευτυχώς δεν είμαι μόνος μου. Υπάρχουν κι άλλοι σαν κι εμένα και θα υπάρξουν ακόμη περισσότεροι.

Θα κλάψω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός και αν ο λόγος δεν σας αρκεί και θέλετε κάτι πιο «λογικό», θα κλάψω για σας και τον χαμένο σας συναισθηματισμό. Όχι για να σας θρηνήσω αλλά για να σας κάνω να θυμηθείτε τι θα πει «είμαι ζωντανός».

Σας χαιρετώ,

Ένας ζωντανός άνθρωπος

Πηγή: have2read
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