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Τελικά είναι ωραίο να μην περιμένεις μήνυμα από κανέναν.

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Αν καθίσουμε και σκεφτούμε πόσο χρόνο έχουμε φάει περιμένοντας αυτό το πολυπόθητο μήνυμα απ’ το πρόσωπο που μας ενδιαφέρει, ο χρόνος που έχουμε χάσει θα αποδειχθεί τρομακτικά μεγάλος. Ένα μήνυμα το οποίο ήθελες όσο τίποτα να το δεις να εμφανίζεται στην οθόνη σου, για αυτό άλλωστε ξεκλείδωνες και κλείδωνες συνεχώς το κινητό σου νευρικά.

 Γι’ αυτό περίμενες σαν ζόμπι κάθε βράδυ υιοθετώντας το ωράριο των βρικολάκων πάνω απ’ τη συνομιλία σας, περιμένοντας να εμφανιστεί αυτό το πράσινο κουμπάκι. Μόλις εμφανιζόταν, ταραζόσουν. Καμιά φορά μάλιστα ξεκινούσες να γράφεις κιόλας, μπας και το δει το άλλο το αναίσθητο το πλάσμα και φιλοτιμηθεί να σου στείλει. Κλείνεις τα μάτια σου για μια στιγμή, τα ανοίγεις πάλι, και τι βλέπεις; «Ενεργός πριν από ένα λεπτό».

Ήταν άνθρωποι πάνω στους οποίους πόνταρες και στο τέλος σε απογοήτευσαν, είτε σου έδωσαν το δικαίωμα να τους εμπιστευτείς είτε όχι. Ήταν άνθρωποι που ή το μήνυμα που σου έστειλαν δεν ήταν σε καμία περίπτωση αυτό που περίμενες, ή πολύ απλά δε σου έστειλαν ποτέ.

Κάπως έτσι λοιπόν, επειδή έφαγες κι εσύ, βρε παιδί μου, μέσα σε μικρό χρονικό διάστημα πολλές φορές τα μούτρα σου –χαρά στην υπομονή και στο κουράγιο σου–, λες ένα «δε γαμιέται» και παίρνεις ένα break. Μακριά από δράμα, μακριά από γκομενιλίκια και κυρίως, μακριά από ξενύχτια πάνω από ένα τηλέφωνο.

Focus στα υπόλοιπα κομμάτια της ζωής σου, κι ό,τι καλό έρθει καλοδεχούμενο θα ‘ναι. Είπαμε, ούτε μέσα θα κλειστείς ούτε μαύρα θα τα βάψεις, όμως σίγουρα δε θα ακολουθήσεις την ίδια τακτική με πριν: να δένεσαι και να κολλάς τόσο νωρίς.

Όταν λοιπόν δεν περιμένεις κανένα μήνυμα, νιώθεις ήδη πιο ελεύθερος και χαρούμενος ταυτόχρονα. Καταρχάς, δεν επιτρέπεις να εξαρτηθεί η διάθεσή σου απ’ το αν ο άλλος θα σου στείλει «καλημέρα» ή «καληνύχτα». Ωραία κι αυτά τα γλυκούλικα, δε λέω, αλλά μπορείς να ζήσεις και χωρίς αυτά. Ότι τι; Αν δε σου πει καλημέρα δε θα πάει καλά η μέρα σου, ή αν δε σου πει καληνύχτα θα δεις εφιάλτη; Έλα, σε παρακαλώ.

Εξίσου σημαντικό με το να μην είσαι πάνω από ένα κινητό συνέχεια, είναι το γεγονός ότι την κάθε σου στιγμή τη ζεις. Θα είναι ο γνωστός που θα δεις στο δρόμο; Η προσοχή σου στο μάθημα, στη δουλειά; Η συγκέντρωση στο διάβασμά σου, στο τι σου λέει ο κολλητός; Όλα αυτά τα ζεις και το μυαλό σου είναι εκατό τοις εκατό εκεί, καθώς δεν ελέγχεις κάθε τρεις και λίγο το inbox σου. Είσαι εκεί δηλαδή για τους δικούς σου ανθρώπους, κι αυτή τη φορά πραγματικά εκεί. Κι ανάθεμα, πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό και πόσο σου έλειψε.

Έτσι, κάθε έξοδο που κάνεις με την παρέα σου την ευχαριστιέσαι στο φουλ. Δε ζητάς το wi-fi του μαγαζιού ούτε τα δεδομένα σου ανοίγεις για να είσαι online. Δε σε νοιάζει πια να κάνεις εσύ check-in –ή κάποιος φίλος σου για να μην καρφωθείς–, καθώς δε σε ενδιαφέρει να μάθει κάποιος συγκεκριμένα τι κάνεις, πού είσαι, πόσο «καλά» περνάς και με ποιους. Να κι αν το μάθει, να κι αν δεν το μάθει, που λέει κι ο λαός.

Δεν ανεβάζεις συνεχώς τραγούδια που ακούγατε μαζί όταν είναι online, και δεν κοιτάζεις στη selfie σου καν αν σου έκανε like ή όχι. Δεν τσεκάρεις προφίλ, δεν τσεκάρεις τίποτα. Κάθε φορά που ακούς τον ήχο εισερχόμενου μηνύματος, δεν τρέχεις σαν τρελός να δεις από ποιον είναι. Τελειώνεις πρώτα αυτό που ήδη έκανες, και μετά ανοίγεις το μήνυμα.

Συνειδητοποιείς πια πόσο πίσω μπορεί να σε πάει μια αβέβαιη, τοξική κατάσταση. Γιατί κάθε αβέβαιη κατάσταση είναι τοξική για σένα, για τον καθένα. Κοιτάς λίγο πίσω στο άμεσο παρελθόν και βλέπεις πόσο ψεύτικος είχες γίνει, πόσο έχανες την ίδια σου τη ζωή, και πώς άφησες τα καπρίτσια κάποιου να έχουν τον απόλυτο έλεγχο του εαυτού σου.

Γι’ αυτό είναι ωραίο να μην περιμένεις κανένα μήνυμα από κανέναν. Με αυτόν τον τρόπο, παίρνεις πίσω την ανεξαρτησία σου και την αυτοκυριαρχία σου. Επαναπροσδιορίζεις τον εαυτό σου και συνειδητοποιείς πως τελικά δεν ταιριάζατε όπως νόμιζες σε όλα, παρά είχες επηρεαστεί απ’ τον ενθουσιασμό σου για το συγκεκριμένο πρόσωπο κι ήθελες να το εντυπωσιάσεις. Έκραζε για παράδειγμα τη μουσική που άκουγες, αλλά εδώ που τα λέμε κι οι μαλακίες που σε έβαζε να ακούς δεν είναι καλύτερες.

Η ζωή ούτε αρχίζει ούτε τελειώνει σε έναν γκόμενο, σε μια γκόμενα. Είναι απλώς άνθρωποι που ήρθαν να σου προσθέσουν κι άλλες εμπειρίες ζωής, κι ο χρόνος απέδειξε ότι για να μην έμειναν, άρα δεν έκαναν για σένα. Οπότε τι να λέμε;

Τελικά λοιπόν, είναι ωραίο να μην περιμένεις μήνυμα από κανέναν. Ή για να έχουμε καλύτερη διατύπωση: είναι ωραίο να μην περιμένεις μήνυμα από κάποιον που (ξέρεις πως) δεν πρόκειται ποτέ να στείλει. Κι αν θα στείλει, όταν θα στείλει, θα ‘ναι αργά.

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Σχέσεις

Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου

Published

on

Μοιραστείτε το με τους φίλους σας

Όταν σκεφτόμαστε συνεχώς πράγματα από το παρελθόν μας, είτε αναπολώντας τα, είτε αναθεωρώντας τα, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε μία παγίδα που μας κρατάει πίσω. Δεν δίνουμε αξία στο παρόν μας και έτσι δεν μπορούμε να χαρούμε τις εμπειρίες που βιώνουμε καθημερινά.

Η ζωή δεν είναι ένα ημερολόγιο γεγονότων που χρειάζεται ξεφύλλισμα από έναν παθητικό αναγνώστη, αλλά μία αρένα δραστηριοτήτων που πάντα έχει κάτι να μας τραβήξει το ενδιαφέρον. Το βέλος της ζωής δεν δείχνει ποτέ προς τα πίσω, δείχνει πάντα μπροστά.Έτσι, είναι ανώφελο κάποιος να κολλάει τη σκέψη του στο παρελθόν ή στο μέλλον σα να μην υπάρχει το “εδώ” και το “τώρα”.

Φυσικά, οι αναμνήσεις είναι εγγενές μέρος της ζωής και συχνά αναπόφευκτες. Είναι ένας τρόπος να μένουμε κοντά στα πρόσωπα που αγαπάμε και σε όσα είμαστε παθιασμένοι. Είναι το συστατικό της προσωπικής μας ταυτότητας και του χαρακτήρα μας. Είναι οι ρίζες βαθιά μέσα στον πυρήνα του εαυτού μας.

“Τό χθες δεν είναι τίποτα περισσότερο από την ανάμνηση του σήμερα, και τo αύριο, τo όνειρο του σήμερα”

-Kahlil Gibran-

Οι μνήμες είναι συχνά κάτι το απατηλό μιας και είναι φτιατσιδωμένες από τα γεγονότα του παρόντος και έτσι πέφτουν στη φάκα του νου. Η διαφορά ανάμεσα στις ψεύτικες και τις γνήσιες αναμνήσεις μοιάζει με τον τρόπο που ξεχωρίζουν τα φο-μπιζού από τα πραγματικά κοσμήματα, τα φο-μπιζού μοιάζουν αληθινά επειδή αστράφτουν πιο έντονα.

Η μνήμη μοιάζει με ένα όχι τόσο έξυπνο σκύλο που όταν του πετάξεις ένα ραβδί θα σου φέρει ένα διαφορετικό που βρίσκεται πιο δίπλα.

“Να ζείτε την κάθε μέρα της ζωής σας”

Η ζωή θα ήταν αδύνατη αν θυμόμασταν όλα όσα μας έχουν συμβεί

Ο Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν σε μία συνέντευξή του στο παρελθόν είχε ερωτηθεί τι κάνει όταν του έρχεται μία νέα ιδέα. Αν για παράδειγμα την καταγράφει σε ένα χαρτί ή σε κάποιο συγκεκριμένο σημειωματάριο. Απάντησε αποφασιστικά πως «Όταν έχω μια νέα καταπληκτική ιδέα, δεν τη ξεχνώ εύκολα». Και αυτή είναι η αλήθεια. Όταν κάτι μας συγκινεί σχεδόν αδύνατο να το ξεχάσουμε.

Έτσι, θυμόμαστε όσα είναι πραγματικά σημαντικά για μας και μας συναρπάζουν, γιατί ενεργοποιούνται οι περιοχές και οι νευρωνικές συνδέσεις του εγκεφάλου που είναι υπεύθυνες για τη διατήρηση αυτής της μνήμης.

Το πρόβλημα ανακύπτει όταν ο εγκέφαλος διατηρεί έντονα αναμνήσεις που θα πρέπει να ξεχάσουμε, γιατί δεν μας κάνουν καλό. Και ακριβώς αυτή η σήμανση συγκεκριμένων αναμνήσεων που επιθυμούμε να σβήσουμε είναι ο μηχανισμός που τις κρατά ζωντανές στο μυαλό μας.

Όπως πρεσβεύει και η μέθοδος της αντίστροφης ψυχολογίας, η διαδικασία της λήθης ξεκινά όταν αντίστοιχες καινούργιες μνήμες αντικαθιστούν τις παλιές μη επιθυμητές. Έτσι στο τέλος, όταν το μυαλό ανακτά μνήμες του παρελθόντος, έχει κάτι πιο φρέσκο να φέρει μπροστά μας!

“Πρέπει να ζουμε στο παρόν, να αναβαθμίζουμε τον εαυτό μας σε κάθε ευκαιρία που παρουσιάζεται μπροστά μας, να κερδίζουμε την αιωνιότητα κάθε στιγμή. Μόνο οι ανόητοι κάθονται στο νησί που κρύβει το θησαυρό κοιτώντας από μακριά άλλες παραλίες. Όπως δεν υπάρχουν άλλα νησιά για μας, έτσι υπάρχει μόνο μία ζωή που καλούμαστε να ζήσουμε.”

Η ανάμνηση μοιάζει με άρωμα που κρατά για πολύ

Οι απολαύσεις είναι λουλούδια που ανθίζουν όταν ζούμε τη ζωή μας, την παίρνουμε στα χέρια μας και τη γευόμαστε. Οι ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις είναι εκείνες που συνέβησαν τις στιγμές που έπρεπε και που δεν ξεχείλωσαν πέρα από τα όριά τους μη αφήνοντας να γευτούμε καινούργιες στιγμές.

Δεν θυμόμαστε γεγονότα στην ολότητά τους παρά μόνο συγκεκριμένες στιγμές, γι’ αυτό λοιπόν θα πρέπει να έχουμε βιώματα και εμπειρίες ξανά και ξανά. Ο πλούτος της ζωής βρίσκεται στις αναμνήσεις που συνεχίζουμε να κάνουμε και επιλέγουμε να κρατάμε. Μερικές φορές είναι δύσκολο να τολμήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες, ειδικά αν είμαστε κολλημένοι και περιχαρακωμένοι στη ζώνη άνεσης μας. Ωστόσο, αν θέλουμε να έχουμε ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις θα πρέπει να ζούμε μία έντονη ζωή.

Μολονότι, έχουμε ένα απτό και ικανό φυσικό σώμα και με τις αισθήσεις μας μπορούμε να έρθουμε σε επαφή με το εξωτερικό κόσμο και να τον καθορίσουμε όπως θέλουμε, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε όσα μας λέει το μυαλό μας και η εσωτερική μας φωνή. Παρ’ όλο αυτό, θα πρέπει να πάρουμε μια απόφαση. Είτε Θα περάσουμε τη ζωή μας αναμασώντας όσα μας συνέβησαν στο παρελθόν και ενθυμούμενοι τις άσχημες εμπειρίες που είχαμε, είτε θα πάρουμε τον έλεγχο της ζωής μας, θα ζήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες και φυσικά θα ελέγξουμε τα συναισθήματά μας. Μόνο αν τολμήσουμε κάτι τέτοιο, θα μπορέσουμε να απολαύσουμε την ύπαρξή μας.

Το κλειδί για να βιώνουμε περισσότερο είναι να σκεφτόμαστε και να αναπολούμε το παρελθόν λιγότερο και να περιορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες που περιμένουμε να υλοποιηθούν στο μέλλον. Να αποδεχτούμε αυτά που έχουμε στο εδώ και στο τώρα και τίποτα περισσότερο. Να ζούμε τις στιγμές μας εμποδίζοντας τους εαυτούς μας να αποπροσανατολιστούν από τις παγίδες που βάζει το μυαλό.

Εν τέλει, ο προορισμός μας είναι να ζήσουμε, όμως καταλήγουμε να ζούμε ελάχιστα. Είναι η ώρα να αντιστρέψουμε αυτόν τον κανόνα. Η ευτυχία δεν βρίσκεται σε άλλο τόπο και χρόνο, αλλά στο παρόν στο εδώ και στο τώρα. θυμάστε πάντα.

Πηγές: share24.gr / Spirit Alive 
Εικόνα: Johnny Palacios Hidalgo paint
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Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»

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Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από τα δύσκολα. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που σε πλήγωναν εύκολα, που δεν δίσταζαν να σου πουν όχι, που δεν σε φρόντιζαν όσο θα ήθελες. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που ενώ γνώριζες ότι δεν είσαι ευτυχισμένος, ευτυχισμένη, παρέμενες και το ονόμαζες σχέση.

Παλιά έλεγες ότι αξίζεις περισσότερα, σταδιακά όμως σταμάτησες να το λες. Τον ξέχασες τον εαυτό σου. Δικαιολογούσες όλες τις συμπεριφορές των άλλων. Έμαθες να εφευρίσκεις δικαιολογίες για όλες τις συμπεριφορές, για όλα τα λόγια, για αυτά που σε πλήγωναν. Έμαθες να λες ότι γίνεσαι πιο δυνατός, πιο δυνατή έτσι.

Έμαθες να προσπαθείς να σώσεις, ακόμα και αυτά που δεν σώζονται. Προσπαθούσες για χρόνια να πείσεις τον εαυτό σου ότι έτσι είναι οι σχέσεις. Δύσκολες, πρέπει πάντα να καταλαβαίνεις τον άλλον, απαιτούν μόνιμα συμβιβασμούς και μόνιμα έπρεπε να προσφέρεις εσύ.

Να σου πω όμως κάτι; Δεν είναι έτσι οι σχέσεις. Έμαθες να αγαπάς όσους πληγώνουν την αγάπη, όσους πλήγωναν εσένα. Ονόμαζες το λίγο πολύ και πάντα δικαιολογούσες. Πάντα έλεγες ότι καταλαβαίνεις τους άλλους και ότι στην αγάπη πρέπει πάντα να ακούμε. Να σου πω όμως κάτι;

Δεν είναι αυτό αγάπη. Στην αγάπη προσφέρουν και οι δύο, νιώθουν και οι δύο, ακούνε και οι δύο, φροντίζουν και θαυμάζουν και οι δύο, ρωτάνε και οι δύο, ενδιαφέρονται και οι δύο, είναι παρόντες και οι δύο, επιδιώκουν και οι δύο, προσφέρουν και οι δύο, θέλουν τη σχέση έμπρακτα και οι δύο.

Δεν πληγώνουν. Δεν μειώνουν. Δεν παραμελούν. Δεν αγνοούν. Δείχνουν, με λίγα ή με πολλά, δεν έχει σημασία. Σέβονται. Και είναι τόσο όμορφο να σε σέβονται, να σε θαυμάζουν, να σου λένε πόσο όμορφος είσαι ή πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό που έφτιαξες.

Σταμάτησε να δικαιολογείς και να αρκείσαι στα λίγα. Φρόντισε τον εαυτό σου και αγάπησέ τον μέσα από τις επιλογές σου. Μην περιμένεις μία γιορτή για να σου δείξει ο άλλος αν σε αγαπάει. Αγάπη σημαίνει να σου δείχνω καθημερινά ότι αξίζω εγώ να είμαι δίπλα σου.

Ελένη Σολταρίδου – enallaktikidrasi.com

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Δε κλαίω γιατί είμαι αδύναμος! Κλαίω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός!

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Ναι κλαίω. Κλαίω γιατί δεν είναι «ντροπή», επειδή δεν «εκτίθεμαι» όταν το κάνω όπως εσύ υποστηρίζεις. Κλαίω γιατί τα χω καλά με τον εαυτό μου κι έχω μάθει να μην τον καταπιέζω μόνο και μόνο για να μπορώ να εντάσσομαι στην κάθε κοινωνική νόρμα που θέλει τους «δυνατούς» αναίσθητους.

Κλαίω γιατί δεν είμαι αναίσθητος και επιλέγω να μην μηδενίζω τον ανθρώπινο συναισθηματισμό και την πηγαία δύναμη ξεσπάσματος που έχω μέσα μου και που όσο κι αν εσένα σου φαίνεται περίεργο, θέλει πολλά κουράγια να καταφέρεις να βγάλεις προς τα έξω.

Γιατί όταν αυτή η δύναμη απελευθερώνεται μένει εκεί για να σε ξυπνήσει, να σε κινητοποιήσει και να κατευθύνει την συνείδησή σου εκεί που έχεις ξεχάσει πώς να πάς.

Εκεί που είσαι άνθρωπος και εκφράζεσαι με ειλικρίνεια και θάρρος, όχι απέναντι στους άλλους αλλά απέναντι στον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Εκεί που κοιτάς κατάματα την ψυχή σου και της ζητάς παραπονεμένα το λόγο που σ’ αφήνει να ζεις όπως σου λένε οι άλλοι. Εκεί που ο πόνος, η συγκίνηση, η αγανάκτηση , η χαρά είναι και πάλι μέρος του εαυτού σου κι όχι απαγορευμένες, ξεχασμένες καταστάσεις του είναι σου.

Και ναι έφτασα εκεί. Και ήταν δύσκολο να αντιμετωπίσω τον εαυτό μου, μάλλον, ήταν δύσκολο να τον βρω γιατί συνεχώς τον έχανα ψάχνοντάς τον πίσω από καλώς δημιουργημένα, κοινωνικώς αποδεκτά προσωπεία.

Κι όταν τον βρήκα επιτέλους φοβήθηκα, κι άρχισα να τρέχω με πανικό για να μην συνειδητοποιήσω άλλα. Και μακριά από αυτόν έτρεχα κι από όλους τους άλλους, που μου έδιναν ρηχά διδάγματα επιβίωσης και επέμεναν πως είμαι αδύναμος και πως πρέπει να «σκληρύνω» και να κρύψω τον εαυτό μου για να επιβιώσω.

Στο τέλος όμως σταμάτησα. Γιατί ήταν μάταιο και γιατί κουράστηκα. Σταμάτησα αποφασιστικά, γύρισα προς τα πίσω, είδα τον εαυτό μου, του χαμογέλασα, τον πήρα αγκαλιά και μαζί πήραμε τον δρόμο του γυρισμού. Και μαζί ήμασταν πιο δυνατοί απέναντι στους άλλους. Και δυσκολευτήκαμε και συναντήσαμε εμπόδια αλλά δεν είχε πλέον σημασία γιατί είμαι πλέον ζωντανός! Κι όταν αισθάνομαι το κάνω με όλη την έννοια της λέξης!

Κι αν θέλω να κλάψω θα το κάνω, ακόμη κι αν είναι με μια μικρή λεπτομέρεια που με συγκίνησε και βελτίωσε ολιγόλεπτα την βαρετή καθημερινότητα που έχετε δημιουργήσει, και που ευτυχώς πλέον βιώνω ως απλός παρατηρητής. Και ευτυχώς δεν είμαι μόνος μου. Υπάρχουν κι άλλοι σαν κι εμένα και θα υπάρξουν ακόμη περισσότεροι.

Θα κλάψω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός και αν ο λόγος δεν σας αρκεί και θέλετε κάτι πιο «λογικό», θα κλάψω για σας και τον χαμένο σας συναισθηματισμό. Όχι για να σας θρηνήσω αλλά για να σας κάνω να θυμηθείτε τι θα πει «είμαι ζωντανός».

Σας χαιρετώ,

Ένας ζωντανός άνθρωπος

Πηγή: have2read
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