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Δικαιούμαστε ένα κομμάτι από το φεγγάρι, αγάπη μου.

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Της Μαρίας Κουσαντάκη.

Έχει πανσέληνο απόψε, μου ψιθύρισαν.

Και τι έγινε; Και πριν ένα μήνα είχε. Και σε ένα μήνα θα έχει, και μάλιστα εκείνη από τις καλές, την Αυγουστιάτικη. Και τι έγινε;

Και πριν ένα μήνα τριγύριζες σαν ολόγιομο φεγγάρι στο μυαλό μου. Και σε ένα μήνα, δεν ξέρω καν που θα υπάρχουν οι αντανακλάσεις μας.

Έχει πανσέληνο απόψε. Λίγο πριν με πάρει ο ύπνος, κάτι σαν να με ενοχλεί από έξω. Γυρίζω λίγο τα μάτια μου προς το παράθυρο. Το παντζούρι είναι κλειστό, όμως το φεγγάρι από πίσω κάνει αισθητή την παρουσία του απόψε, δε με αφήνει να χαθώ στο σκοτάδι μου. Σου μοιάζει λίγο. Ούτε κι εσύ με άφησες, ούτε απόψε να κοιμηθώ γαλήνια.

Κοιτάζω το φεγγάρι αγανακτώντας λίγο που με ενοχλεί το φως του. Φως που υπό άλλες συνθήκες θα κυνηγούσα σε κόσμους μαγικούς να ταξιδέψω μαζί του.

Τώρα, τώρα απλά εμποδίζει τον ύπνο μου, τον προ πολλού χαλασμένο ύπνο μου.

Σε κοιτάζω για λίγο μέσα από τις μικρές χαραμάδες, όσο φαίνεσαι. Όμορφο είσαι, όπως πάντα άλλωστε. Όμως απόψε δε θέλω να σηκώσω παραπάνω το βλέμμα μου. Φοράς και κάτι δικό του τούτη τη νύχτα. Και φοβάμαι μη διασταυρώσουν τα βλέμματά μας και ματώσουμε, ξανά.

Προσπαθώ να κοιμηθώ. Ο ύπνος μου διακόπτεται συνέχεια από εικόνες του μυαλού μου ανάκατες με πρόσφατες αλήθειες μας. Δεν μπορώ να κοιμηθώ. Ζεσταίνομαι, έχω νεύρα, το φεγγάρι πια δε φαίνεται.

Τα σεντόνια σκεπάζουν λίγα σημεία του κορμιού μου. Ένα κορμί που ακόμα φέρει ξεθωριασμένο το άρωμά σου. Αρχίζω να ανακατεύομαι με τις ανακατεμένες σκέψεις που πριν μερικές ώρες μοιραστήκαμε.

Οι ώρες περνάνε βασανιστικά αργά και εγώ πρέπει να ετοιμαστώ για την καθημερινή μου ρουτίνα. Έξω ο καιρός μουντός, το φεγγάρι δεν έδωσε τη θέση του στο φως του ήλιου, σαν και πεισματικά να μου κρατάει μούτρα που δεν υποκλίθηκα στην αφεντιά του.
Δεν πειράζει, μου αρέσει ο ουρανός σου σήμερα.

Μου ταιριάζει. Θυμίζει κάτι από τη θλίψη που φοράω σήμερα. Θυμίζει κάτι από τις παράξενες κυκλοθυμίες που σε πιάνουν καταμεσής του καλοκαιριού όπου όλα καίνε, χωρίς λόγο. Χωρίς λόγο για τους άλλους, εμείς όμως ξέρουμε.

Δεν έχω δάκρυα. Στέρεψαν, αλλά και κατά μία περίεργη έννοια, νιώθω καλά μέσα μου. Νιώθω πιο ήρεμη. Σαν όλη μου η θάλασσα έγινε φουρτούνα που έβρεξε τα πάντα και άφησε την καρδιά μου να στεγνώσει.

Κοιτάζω τον ουρανό έξω. Γκρίζος. Μου αρέσει κάπως η ερμηνεία που αφήνει στις σκέψεις μου. Ούτε μαύρος, ούτε άσπρος. Τίποτα δεν είναι απόλυτο, σκέφτομαι δυνατά μήπως και έρθει στα αυτιά σου. Δεν είναι μόνο άσπρο ή μαύρο, ποτέ δεν ήταν. Αλλά το γκρι δεν είναι για τους πολλούς. Γιατί λίγοι μπορούν να δουν τις μίξεις του, τα κρυμμένα μυστικά του, τα βαθύτερα ποικίλα χρώματά του. Υπάρχει και το γκρι μάτια μου, που εμπεριέχει άπειρες αντανακλάσεις και χρωματισμούς που δε γνωρίζουμε. Το γκρι, που έχει τη μοναδικότητά του, που εμείς του δίνουμε την αλήθεια μας, και ποτέ δεν είναι το ίδιο με κάποιο άλλο γκρι.  Εσύ τι φοβάσαι να δεις…;

Το φεγγάρι μας και απόψε θα λάμπει εξίσου δυνατά, κι ας μην είναι πανσέληνος. Θα του λείπει ένα μικρό, ελάχιστο κομματάκι, όμως μη σε φοβίζει αυτό. Αυτό το κομματάκι το έχουμε κρατήσει στις ψυχές μας. Και σήμερα, που οι πιο πολλοί θα ξεχάσουν τη λάμψη του, απόψε εμείς θα το θαυμάσουμε, κρατώντας τις ματιές μας  ψηλά εκεί, κρατώντας και στη χούφτα μας εκείνο το μικρό του κομματάκι που πλέον μας ανήκει. Γιατί δικαιούμαστε ένα κομμάτι στο φεγγάρι. Ένα μέρος στη μαγεία που δεν είδαμε στη χθεσινή πανσέληνο που δειλιάσαμε.

Γράμμα σε κάποιο φεγγάρι μας τώρα γίνονται οι αποψινές μου σκέψεις. Γράμμα επισφραγισμένο με τα κομμάτια όλων των φεγγαριών που τόσους μήνες πέρναγαν από μπροστά μας και αγνοούσαμε τη λάμψη τους. Τώρα, σου στέλνω το κομμάτι κάποιου φεγγαριού που έστω και αργά αγγίξαμε.  Δικαιούμαστε μία θέση στο δικό μας φεγγάρι, σήμερα, απόψε, κι ας μην είναι πανσέληνος. Είναι το δικό μας φεγγάρι, και κανείς δε θα μας το κλέψει.
Εμείς θα «κλέψουμε» ό,τι μας ανήκει.

αναπνοές

Μαρία Κουσαντάκη

Πάθος με τις λέξεις, τη φωτογραφία και τα ταξίδια. Ερωτευμένη με τη θάλασσα και τον έρωτα. Με ενεργή ασχολία στον κλάδο της ψυχολογίας και με πίστη στα ιδεώδη και τις αξίες της, αγαπάει να τα συνθέτει και να δημιουργεί πένες βγαλμένες από την ψυχή της. Ασπάζεται τη φράση του Ν. Καζαντζάκη «Έχεις τα πινέλα, έχεις τα χρώματα, ζωγράφισε τον παράδεισο και μπες μέσα», με προτροπή να αγγίξουμε τα πινέλα εκείνα που θα μας δώσουν τις αποχρώσεις για τη δική μας αλήθεια.

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feautured

Άντρα σε κάνουν οι πράξεις, όχι τα λόγια

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Γράφει ο Κωνσταντίνος Καρύδης

«Όλοι μαλάκες είναι».
Πόσο εύκολα έχουν ειπωθεί αυτές οι λέξεις. Πόσο μελάνι δεν χύθηκε, πόσες συζητήσεις έμειναν στη μέση μόνο και μόνο γιατί το συμπέρασμα ήταν το εξής ένα. «Όλοι μαλάκες είναι».

Συμφωνώ, υπάρχουν πολλών ειδών «μαλάκες». Αν, όμως, εσύ δεν μπορείς να ξεχωρίσεις το αγόρι απʾ τον άντρα, και τον άντρα απʾ το αρσενικό δε σου φταίει κανένας, είναι δικό σου θέμα και καθόλου δεν με ενδιαφέρει.

Κρύβεσαι πίσω από δύο αποσιωπητικά, βουτηγμένη μέσα στο δήθεν φεμινισμό σου και δεν καταλαβαίνεις πως ουσιαστικά κάνεις ζημιά μόνο σε εσένα.

Το αγόρι, ο άντρας ή το αρσενικό (αν και τα δυο τελευταία έχουν λίγο μπερδεμένο νόημα) υπάρχει πιθανότητα να μην πάψει ποτέ να έχει αυτή του την ιδιότητα μέχρι τέλους.

Υπάρχει, όμως, καλή μου, μια κατηγορία αγοριών τα οποία «μυρίζουν» από μακριά πως όταν τα μαλλιά τους ασπρίσουν, θα έχουν αποδείξει ότι είναι αρσενικά (κρατώντας το «αρσενικά» ως τον υπέρτατο χαρακτηρισμό σʾ έναν άντρα).
Θα ωριμάσει μέσα από τον αυτοσαρκασμό του και θα βάλει την εκτίμηση που έχει στη γυναίκα δίπλα του πάνω απʾ όλα.

Είναι αυτός ο άντρας που θα ήθελες να δεις δίπλα στην κόρη σου, εκείνος στον οποίο θα ήθελες να μοιάσει ο γιος σου.

Είναι αυτός που θα καταφέρει να σʾ ανεβάσει ψηλά χωρίς να έχει μπράτσα και κοιλιακούς. Ξέρει να ξεχωρίσει το γυναικάκι απʾ την γυναίκα και θα διυλίσει την κάθε σου ματιά.

Ξέρει τι θα πει ευγένεια, εκτίμηση και θα στη δείξει ακόμα και στον τρόπο που περπατάει δίπλα σου ή στον τρόπο που μιλάει για εσένα στους φίλους του.

Δεν πιστεύω να νομίζετε πως ακόμα κι αυτός ο τύπος άντρα δε θα κοιτάξει άλλη γυναίκα.
Φυσικά και θα κοιτάξει, μα το νόημα δεν είναι τι θα κοιτάξει, αλλά πού θα καταλήξει τελικά το βλέμμα του, γιατί πολύ απλά εκείνο ανήκει μόνο σʾ εσένα.

Τα υπόλοιπα απλά τα προσπερνά σαν την πρώτη ματιά που ρίχνει μπαίνοντας σʾ ένα bar προσπαθώντας να βρει ένα κενό τραπέζι να κάτσετε.
Αυτό είσαι για εκείνον, η ξεχωριστή, μοναδική γωνιά, το μοναδικό τραπέζι που ψάχνει να βρει για νʾ αράξει.

Για τον πραγματικό άντρα, το «σʾ ευχαριστώ» και το «συγγνώμη» είναι ένα σύνολο γραμμάτων τα οποία με μεγάλη ευκολία θα τα συντάξει στη σωστή σειρά, για να τους αποδώσει τις τιμές που τους αναλογούν και μαζί μʾ αυτά και σε εσένα.

Την αποδοχή σου την έχει γραμμένη στα παλαιότερα των υποδημάτων του, μιας κι αυτό που αναζητά είναι η εκτίμηση κι ο σεβασμός σου.
Θα αποζητήσει σʾ εσένα τη γνώμη σου, την άποψή σου κι όχι ένα κοριτσάκι που θα του ψελλίζει συνεχόμενα, φοβισμένα «ναι».

Απλώνει το χέρι του να σε κρατήσει, έτσι απλά, επειδή είναι ικανός να κάνει το απλό, σημαντικό.

Είσαι η ιδανική για εκείνον, όχι επειδή συμμορφώνεσαι με κάποια πρότυπα, αλλά επειδή δεν τον ενδιαφέρει το ιδανικό και δεν το ψάχνει. Ξέρει τον τρόπο να σε κάνει να νιώσεις ιδανική για εκείνον κι αυτό του αρκεί.

Είναι ο άντρας που δεν είναι όμορφος, αλλά θα σου αποδεικνύει καθημερινά πως μοναδικός σκοπός του είναι το να νιώθει όμορφος στα μάτια σου.

Ξέρει να ηγηθεί, και μέσα απʾ την ηγετική του υπόσταση θα καλύψει όλες σου τις ανασφάλειες, την ίδια στιγμή που στα μάτια σου θα αναζητά εκείνη που θα μείνει στα δύσκολα χωρίς πολλές φαμφάρες.

Να ξέρεις πως τα λόγια του είναι οι πράξεις του, αλλά ακόμα κι όταν τα χρησιμοποιεί, το κάνει για να μην ξεχνιέσαι, γιατί ξεχνιέστε, αγαπητή μου.

Είναι εκείνος που στο άκουσμά του θα ριγήσεις από πόθο, θα σε κάνει να τον ποθήσεις παίζοντας με το μυαλό σου κι όχι με το κορμί σου.

Στο τέλος της ημέρας, στο κρεβάτι σου, θα είναι αυτός που, κλείνοντας τα μάτια σου δίπλα του, θα σε κάνει να χαμογελάσεις με την εικόνα ενός γέρου γκριζομάλλη που σε πλησιάζει από πίσω κουτσαίνοντας, και σε παίρνει αγκαλιά, την ίδια στιγμή που φιλά τον ρυτιδιασμένο σου λαιμό.

Αυτός ο ίδιος που το πρωί δε θα ξεχάσεις ποτέ να τον αποχαιρετήσεις με μια καλημέρα και ένα φιλί.

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feautured

Όσο αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου τόσο θα αγαπάς τους άλλους.

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Της Ανθής Κατερίνη.

Αποκτάς μεγαλύτερη αγάπη για τους άλλους όταν αρχίζεις να φροντίζεις τον εαυτό σου. Εάν θέλεις να τους αγαπήσεις και δεν μπορείς να το εκφράσεις, η ίδια αυτή δυσκολία υπάρχει στην σχέση σου με τον εαυτό σου. Και αν σήμερα θέλεις να τους πεις πόσο όμορφοι είναι, είναι γιατί τα λόγια και οι πράξεις σου δεν κατευθύνονται εχθρικά προς τον εαυτό σου όπως χθες. Από τις σωστές για σένα επιλογές απορρέει από μέσα σου η επιθυμία να σου πεις μπράβο και έτσι καταλήγεις να επιβραβεύεις την ύπαρξη των άλλων που υπάρχουν εκεί και στέκουν τόσο όμορφοι. Με ιδιαίτερη ομορφιά, με την φιλικότητα και τον αυθορμητισμό τους, με την επιμονή και την εργατικότητά τους, με το άγχος τους, με την ντροπαλότητά τους. Όλοι βλέπεις σου αρέσουν τέτοιες μέρες που έχεις φροντίσει τον εαυτό σου και όλους τους αγαπάς ακόμη και αν είναι τόσο διαφορετικοί μεταξύ τους. Αποτελούν πλευρές του εαυτού σου και τις αποδέχεσαι. Μα εάν κάποια έχεις αποκλείσει από την ταυτότητά σου και δεν την θεωρείς δική σου πλευρά καταβάθος την ζηλεύεις και την αποστρέφεσαι σαν ατελής άνθρωπος που είσαι, που δεν του αρέσει να τον βαραίνει μία αίσθηση κατωτερότητας. Γι’ αυτό δεν πρέπει να φοβάσαι να γίνεις όλα αυτά που έχεις αποκλείσει πως μπορείς να είσαι. Αυτό ήταν μέχρι χτες. Σήμερα μπορείς να επιλέξεις από την αρχή. Μια επιλογή σε κρατά και η ιδέα πως δεν ήταν τέτοια όμορφα πράγματα στο πεδίο των επιλογών σου.
Όσο αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου τόσο θα αγαπάς τους άλλους. Όσο πιο όμορφο σε βρίσκεις τόσο θα βλέπεις ομορφιά στους άλλους.
Σταμάτα τις πράξεις που σε οδηγούνε σε φαύλους κύκλους αρνητικών συναισθημάτων. Αν σε τρέφει αυτή η ρόδα που πάνω της τσουλάς και ταυτόχρονα στην άσφαλτο πατιέσαι, μάθε να μην φοβάσαι να μείνεις εκτεθειμένος με τον πόνο σου, αντί να τον καλύπτεις με σκουπίδια. Μάθε πως όταν σταματήσεις τα εφήμερα παυσίπονα τότε θα σε διδάξει ο πόνος σου. Πρέπει να τον κοιτάξεις και μια φορά στα μάτια. Να μην τον πνίγεις με μία κουβέρτα για να εξαφανιστεί. Αντιθέτως, να καλύψεις εσένα με την κουβέρτα αυτή, να ζεσταθείς και ό, τι άσχημο ,θα δεις, που θα φύγει σαν μικρόβιο που δεν μπόρεσε να επιζήσει μέσα σε έναν οργανισμό που οι στρατιώτες του πολέμησαν με τόλμη και δύναμη για την προστασία του παλατιού τους. Γύμνασε τους πολεμιστές της ψυχής σου και θα γίνεις ο καλύτερος προστάτης του εαυτού σου. Γιατί όσο και να μην θέλουμε να το παραδεχτούμε εάν κατηγορούμε κάποιον για το κακό που μας έκανε, στην πραγματικότητα κατηγορούμε εμάς που μας φερθήκαμε με τέτοια αναισθησία και δεν μας προστατέψαμε όπως μας άξιζε. Και τέτοια ντροπή πώς να την ξεχάσεις; Με το να κάνεις τον εαυτό σου να σε εμπιστευτεί ξανά. Να πιστέψει πως εάν αφεθεί χαλαρός στα χέρια σου δεν θα βρεθεί ξανά στο πάτωμα, αλλά θα είσαι εκεί να τον αφήσεις να πέσει απαλά μέσα στην τρυφερή σου χούφτα.

αναπνοές

Ανθή Κατερίνη

Κάθε φορά που χάνομαι ανάμεσα στον ρεαλισμό και τον ρομαντισμό, στην αισιοδοξία και την απαισιοδοξία παίζω με τις λέξεις για να με ανακαλύψω. Οι σκέψεις μου χορεύουν στάζοντας μελάνι και δεν ξέρεις ποτέ τι θα σχηματίσουν τα βήματά τους. Η αδυναμία μου είναι οι όμορφες ψυχές. Μυρωδιές, μουσικές, εικόνες χρωματίζουν την καθημερινότητα μου. Στόχος μου είναι η αυτοβελτίωση γι’ αυτό συχνά αλλάζω αφήνοντας πίσω ότι στέκεται εμπόδιο ανάμεσα σε μένα και τον εαυτό μου.

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feautured

Η Ελλάδα πάντα από κάπου αιμορραγεί.

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Της Δικαίας Μαραβέλια.

Αγαπητέ μου Έλληνα, ξέρεις από τότε που η Ελλαδίτσα μας θυμάται τον εαυτό της, πάντα από κάπου αιμορραγεί.
Τραβάς εσύ από την μια, τραβούν οι υπόλοιποι από την άλλη και τώρα είναι η ώρα που χρειάζεται την καλύτερη περίθαλψη γιατί αιμορραγεί στο κέντρο της.
Οι αξίες μας, ο πολιτισμός μας, η ψυχή μας, εμείς οι ίδιοι αφήσαμε να μας τα πάρουν… και τώρα απαιτείς να στα επιστρέψουν. 
Φοβάσαι να πεις δημόσια, ότι φοβάσαι για τα παιδιά σου;
Ξέρεις φοβάμαι, που φοβάσαι. Φοβάμαι που νομίζεις ότι τα θέματα που απασχολούν ολόκληρο τον πλανήτη δεν σε απασχολούν.
Ναι ζούμε στην πιο ευλογημένη χώρα στο κόσμο, στην χώρα της δημοκρατίας, στην χώρα που κάνουμε ποστ μόνο, τις σοφίες των σοφών μας, χωρίς να γνωρίζουμε το βαθύτερο νόημα τους.
Φοβάμαι… αλλά είμαι αισιόδοξη. Για τα παιδιά ρε, για τα παιδιά μας!

αναπνοές

Δικαία Μαραβέλια

Η Δικαία Μαραβέλια ζει μόνιμα στη Σύμη.
Μεγαλωμένη και κανακεμένη, στα γόνατα του παπά Τάσου, με ιερή στιγμή αυτή που την τάϊζε γλυκό σταφύλι με τόση ευλάβεια, σαν να ήταν κοινωνία.
Τον έβλεπε πάντα να γράφει όταν δεν λειτουργούσε.
Τώρα έφτασε η ώρα να ακολουθήσει τα χνάρια του, συντροφιά με τους αγγέλους της.

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