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Η γυναίκα έχει ανάγκη να την αγαπούν και να την καταλαβαίνουν.

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Τόσο ο άντρας όσο και η γυναίκα έχουν βασικές συναισθηματικές ανάγκες. Για τον άνδρα είναι σημαντικό να τον αγαπούν, να τον εκτιμούν, να τον δέχονται και να τον εμπιστεύονται. Η γυναίκα έχει ανάγκη να την αγαπούν, να τη φροντίζουν, να τη σέβονται και να την καταλαβαίνουν.

emotional-health

Οι περισσότερες συγκρούσεις στις σχέσεις των δύο φύλων οφείλονται στην ανικανότητα ικανοποίησης των βασικών αναγκών. Όταν δεν ικανοποιούνται οι ανάγκες μας, νιώθουμε συναισθηματικά πληγωμένοι και εύκολα χρεώνουμε το σύντροφό μας γι’ αυτό.

Τι σημαίνει αγάπη;

Η αγάπη είναι μία έννοια αλλά και ένα συναίσθημα. Ο τρόπος που την ορίζουμε αλλά και ότι προσδοκούμε απ? αυτή έχουν σημαντικό ρόλο στην επιλογή του συντρόφου μας αλλά και στο επίπεδο ικανοποίησης που αντλούμε απ? αυτόν. Κάθε άνθρωπος έχει έναν δικό του τρόπο ν? αντιλαμβάνεται την αγάπη. Συχνά το πρότυπό μας για την αγάπη δείχνει τον τρόπο συμπεριφοράς των γονιών μας προς εμάς ή ακόμη και τη συμπεριφορά μεταξύ τους. Η αγάπη είναι συναίσθημα αλλά είναι ταυτόχρονα και συμπεριφορά. Όταν κρίνουμε την αγάπη μας προς τους άλλους, το κριτήριό μας είναι τα συναισθήματά μας. Όταν όμως κρίνουμε την αγάπη του άλλου προς εμάς, βασιζόμαστε στον τρόπο που μας φέρεται εφόσον δεν μπορούμε να ξέρουμε την κάθε στιγμή τι νιώθει για μας.

Τι σημαίνει ανάγκη για αγάπη;

Δίνοντας και παίρνοντας αγάπη, άντρες και γυναίκες αγαπούν περισσότερο τον εαυτό τους, αισθάνονται ολοκληρωμένοι και πλήρεις. Η αγάπη υποστηρίζει, φροντίζει, επιβεβαιώνει, ανακουφίζει, προβάλει μία ανιδιοτελής επιθυμία να προσπαθήσουμε για το καλό του ανθρώπου που αγαπάμε. Όταν μας αγαπούν βιώνουμε την πραγματικότητα της ύπαρξής μας, νιώθουμε ότι αξίζουμε. Βέβαια η αγάπη του άλλου μπορεί πράγματι να κάνει θαύματα…Δε θα πετύχει όμως αν πρώτα δεν αγαπήσουμε οι ίδιοι τον εαυτό μας.

“Ο σεβασμός είναι αγάπη στην απλή της μορφή “
Φράνκι Μπερν

Πώς ορίζεται η ανάγκη της γυναίκας για σεβασμό;

Ο σεβασμός στη σύντροφο σημαίνει αποδοχή και εκτίμηση γι? αυτό που είναι. Τη βοηθάει να παραμείνει ο εαυτός της και να διατηρήσει τα δικαιώματά της.

Όσο περισσότερο είναι δεμένη συναισθηματικά με το σύντροφό της μία γυναίκα, τόσο πιο ευαίσθητη είναι στο επίπεδο του σεβασμού. Αν ένας άνδρας δεν σέβεται τις ανάγκες, τα συναισθήματα, τα δικαιώματα και τις επιθυμίες της συντρόφου του, εκείνη τελικά θα αναγκαστεί να “παγώσει” τα συναισθήματα αγάπης που έχει γι’ αυτόν, προκειμένου να ξαναβρεί τον εαυτό της. Είναι συχνό φαινόμενο να χάνεται και η σεξουαλική της επιθυμία σ? αυτό το στάδιο, εφόσον στη σεξουαλική επαφή για μία γυναίκα είναι μεγάλη ανάγκη της ο σεβασμός του συντρόφου της.

Τα κορίτσια επηρεάζονται ιδιαίτερα από τον τρόπο που ο πατέρας σέβεται τη μητέρα τους αλλά και από το πόσο η μητέρα σέβεται τον εαυτό της.

Ο άντρας όταν δεν τον σέβονται γίνεται εγωιστής, πολλές φορές και επιθετικός. Αντίθετα, στη γυναίκα συνήθως η πρώτη αντίδραση είναι η υποταγή, ιδίως όταν έχει σχέση με κάποιον που αγαπάει. Ωστόσο είναι πολύ πιθανό να γίνει περισσότερο κυριαρχική και απαιτητική όταν αρχίσει να νιώθει κακία για το σύντροφο που δεν τη σέβεται ενώ δεν είναι απίθανο τότε να δούμε τον άντρα να γίνεται παθητικός και εξαρτώμενος.- Αλλάζουν οι ρόλοι δηλαδή.

Ωστόσο, μόνο όταν δούμε τον εαυτό μας σαν αξιόλογο άτομο, που αξίζει να το αγαπούν και να του φέρονται με εκτίμηση, μπορούμε να περιμένουμε σεβασμό από τους άλλους.

Τι σημαίνει γυναικεία ανάγκη για φροντίδα;

Η κάθε σχέση είναι μία διαρκής διαδικασία αλληλοπροσφοράς και μοιράσματος. Είναι σημαντικό ο σύντροφος να ανταποκρίνεται στις ανάγκες μας αλλά και να νοιάζεται γι? αυτές. Μ? αυτό τον τρόπο νιώθεις σημαντικός για τον σύντροφό σου.

Όταν μία γυναίκα παίρνει στοργή από έναν άνδρα νιώθει πως οι ανάγκες της είναι βασικές και όχι εγωιστικές. Στην αντίθετη περίπτωση, όταν βρίσκεται σε ένα αδιάφορο περιβάλλον, της είναι δύσκολο να επιβάλει τις ανάγκες της, χωρίς να νιώσει αδυναμία, ενοχή , ή να νομίσει ότι είναι εγωίστρια.

Όταν μία γυναίκα φροντίζει υπερβολικά έναν άντρα, είναι πολύ πιθανό εκείνη σιγά σιγά να πάρει το ρόλο της μητέρας του και αυτός να καταλήξει αδύναμος και εξαρτημένος, με συμπεριφορά ενός κακομαθημένου και απαιτητικού παιδιού. Επειδή οι γυναίκες έχουν έντονα την ανάγκη για φροντίδα και περιποίηση, τους είναι πιο εύκολο να περιποιούνται και να φροντίζουν.

Πόσο σημαντική ανάγκη είναι για την γυναίκα η κατανόηση;

Κατανόηση σημαίνει να μοιράζεσαι και να σέβεσαι την άποψη του άλλου, να έχεις τη διάθεση να ανακαλύψεις και να βιώσεις την πραγματικότητα με τον τρόπο που αυτός τη βλέπει χωρίς να του επιβάλεις έναν άλλο τρόπο.

Για τη γυναίκα είναι πρωταρχική και ουσιώδης η ανάγκη για κατανόηση. Όταν ο σύντροφος δεν αφιερώνει χρόνο και προσοχή ώστε να καταλάβει τα συναισθήματα και τις ανάγκες της, είναι πολύ εύκολο εκείνη να πάθει σύγχυση και να αντιδράσει υπερβολικά. Όταν εκείνη μοιράζεται τον εαυτό της και ο σύντροφος ακούει παθητικά ή είναι αδιάφορος, την επηρεάζει τόσο ώστε να αυξάνεται η σύγχυση ή ο εκνευρισμός της. Όταν μία γυναίκα είναι εκνευρισμένη κι ο άντρας κρίνει ότι είναι ανόητη ή τρελή , είναι εύκολο η γυναίκα ν’ αρχίσει να αμφιβάλει για την ψυχική της υγεία.

Και για τους δύο συντρόφους η ιδανική τοποθέτηση για να πάρουν μία απόφαση είναι η εξισορρόπηση σκέψης και συναισθημάτων. Είναι αναγκαίο ο άντρας να “ακούει για να καταλάβει”, ενώ η γυναίκα να βρει κατανόηση όταν μοιράζεται τα προβλήματά της. Αυτό μπορεί να γίνει και να φέρει και ισορροπία στη σχέση μόνο όταν ο ένας προσπαθήσει να μπει για λίγο στη θέση του άλλου.

Ντόρα Μίνου M.A. Κλινικής Ψυχολογίας Ψυχοθεραπεύτρια

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Ενδιαφέροντα

Η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής – η απόλυτη συνταγή επιτυχίας;

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128,000+ Listening Music Pictures

Η μουσική είναι παντού. Υπάρχουν λίγες καταστάσεις και στιγμές στην καθημερινότητά μας στις οποίες η μουσική δεν παίζει σημαντικό ρόλο. Είτε αθλείστε, οδηγείτε, περπατάτε ή ψωνίζετε – αν δεν χρησιμοποιούμε τα ακουστικά μας μόνοι μας, η μουσική υπόκρουση παίζει εξωτερικά. Η μουσική είναι ο παλμός κάθε πάρτι, όπου η επιλογή της λίστας αναπαραγωγής μπορεί να δώσει τον τόνο για ολόκληρη την εκδήλωση. Από έξω, η μουσική βιομηχανία μπορεί να φαίνεται διαφορετική, με αστέρια όπως ο Drake, η Lady Gaga ή οι Coldplay να γίνονται πρωτοσέλιδα κάθε μέρα. Και όμως, μια πιο προσεκτική ματιά δείχνει ότι αυτό δεν συνέβαινε πάντα και ότι η ποικιλομορφία στον κόσμο της μουσικής μπόρεσε πραγματικά να καθιερωθεί μόνο τα τελευταία χρόνια. Χάρη στο Spotify and Co., η μουσική είναι πάντα κοντά μας και προσβάσιμη από οπουδήποτε. Γιατί όμως μας αρέσει ακριβώς η ποικιλόμορφη πλευρά της μουσικής και γιατί είναι τόσο σημαντική η διαφοροποίηση;

Η μουσική δεν είναι περιχαρακωμένη

Η μουσική δεν είναι μόνο διασκεδαστική, έχει επίσης πολλά οφέλη και μας βοηθά να αναπτυχθούμε και να αναπτυχθούμε. Η μουσική παίζει ιδιαίτερο ρόλο, ειδικά όσον αφορά τα συναισθήματα και τις διαθέσεις. Μέσα από τη διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής, τελειώνει η περιχαράκωση. Διαφορετικά συναισθήματα και συναισθήματα μπορούν να μεταδοθούν μέσω της μουσικής. Η μουσική είναι φτιαγμένη για όλους και δεν σκέφτεται σε ομάδες. Αλλά ακόμη και αυτή η εξέλιξη συνεχίζεται, επειδή οι παραγωγοί εξακολουθούν να αναφέρουν ότι αποκλείονται από ορισμένους τομείς της μουσικής βιομηχανίας λόγω υποθέσεων με βάση την εθνικότητά τους.

Η μουσική είναι μια παγκόσμια γλώσσα που όλοι μπορούν να καταλάβουν. Συνδέει ηπείρους και ξεπερνά αποστάσεις και πολιτισμούς. Φτάνει στα βάθη των ανθρώπων μοιράζοντας ένα συναίσθημα, μια εμπειρία, μια ιδέα που πυροδοτεί μια εσωτερική κίνηση. Και αυτός ακριβώς είναι ο στόχος, η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής.

Μουσική που σπάει με τη φόρμα

Μια συνταγή επιτυχίας στον κόσμο της μουσικής είναι να ρισκάρεις τη μουσική. Οι ερμηνευτές και οι καλλιτέχνες που είναι διαφορετικοί φαίνονται όλο και πιο επιτυχημένοι. Όσοι τολμούν να επανεφεύρουν τον εαυτό τους και τον κόσμο της μουσικής γίνονται όλο και πιο δημοφιλείς.

Μια ποικιλόμορφη κοινωνία

Η σημασία της διαφοροποίησης της μουσικής φαίνεται και από την εξέλιξη της κοινωνίας τα τελευταία χρόνια. Θέματα που γίνονται όλο και πιο παρόντα βρίσκονται επίσης όλο και περισσότερο στον κόσμο της μουσικής. Αστέρια όπως η Demi Lovato βγαίνουν ως μη δυαδικά και η Billie Eilish ενσαρκώνει επίσης τα φωτεινά χρώματα της κοινωνίας. Και με επιτυχία: χάρη σε αυτή τη μουσική , οι άνθρωποι αισθάνονται κατανοητοί και με αυτόν τον τρόπο δημιουργείται ένα μέρος όπου ο καθένας μπορεί να είναι όπως θέλει.

Μουσική στο iGaming

Το πόσο διαδεδομένη είναι η μουσική δείχνει το ερώτημα: Πού δεν είναι η μουσική; Σχεδόν κανένας τομέας της ζωής μας δεν μπορεί να φανταστεί κανείς χωρίς μουσική. Ακόμη και στον κόσμο των βίντεο κουλοχέρηδων  αμέτρητων βιβλιοθηκών τυχερών παιχνιδιών, η μουσική είναι ένα ουσιαστικό συστατικό. Ενώ υπάρχουν κουλοχέρηδες με θέμα τη μουσική, όπως το Music Stage, σε άλλα παιχνίδια η μουσική είναι ένα σημαντικό υπόβαθρο και παρέχει ενθουσιασμό και επιπλέον αδρεναλίνη. Η μουσική παρέχει επίσης τη σωστή αίσθηση στις ζωντανές στοές.

Χάρη στη μουσική

Έτσι, στο τέλος είναι απαραίτητο μόνο να ευχαριστήσουμε τη μουσική. Για τα συναισθήματα που νιώθουμε χάρη σε εκείνη και τις καταστάσεις που την κάνουν πολύ πιο έντονη. Τι θα ήμασταν χωρίς τη μουσική;

Listening to relaxing music can improve cognitive performance, study suggests

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Ενδιαφέροντα

Mανούλες σταματήστε να αυτοθυσιάζεστε για τα παιδάκια σας τα καταστρέφετε.

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Στο’ πα και στο ξαναλέω πως κάπου εκεί στις οδηγίες χρήσης ενός τεστ εγκυμοσύνης που αναφέρεται… «Αν εμφανιστούν οι μπλε γραμμούλες.. δηλαδή αν είστε έγκυος.. επισκεφτείτε τον γυναικολόγο σας» θα έπρεπε να υπήρχε υποσημείωση… επισκεφτείτε και τον ψυχολόγο σας!!

Δεν μπορείς να ακούς μα ούτε και να εξηγήσεις πως ο πιο σημαντικός άνθρωπος στην ζωή σου, η ίδια σου η μάνα, που σε ‘φερε στην ζωή, που θυσιάστηκε και θυσιάζεται για να ‘σαι συ καλά, που έκανε στην άκρη όλη της τη ζωή να μπει η δική σου μπροστά, πως εκείνη; πως μπορεί εκείνη να ναι η πηγή της δυστυχία σου. Δεν το χωρά ο νους σου και ούτε να το ακούς δεν θες….

Μα αυτή η αυταπάρνηση της μανούλας σου θα κάνει με τόση μαεστρία την δική σου την ψυχούλα να γεμίζει τύψεις και ενοχές κάθε που θα σηκώσεις κεφάλι από τα πρώτα σου χρόνια… γιατί η μαμά επειδή σε αγαπάει τα κάνει όλα δεν την λυπάσαι;  Κάνε αυτό που σου λέει αμέσως… Κοίτα, κοιτά πόσο την ταλαιπωρείς, κοιτά αναίσθητο παιδί που δεν καταλαβαίνεις πως όλα για σένα γίνονται.

Και έτσι εσύ καημένο μου παιδάκι και εγωκεντρικό γίνεσαι και υποτακτικό σε πάσα μορφή εξουσίας. Και στην αγάπη αρχίζεις να αισθάνεσαι υπόχρεος γιατί κάποιος κόβει κάτι από κείνον για να το δώσει σε σένα, δεν υπάρχει εκεί μονό για σένα και αναρωτιέσαι, άραγε την αξίζεις αυτή την αγάπη, άραγε υπάρχει πραγματικά κάτι μονό για μένα;;

Θυσιάζομαι για σένα λέει η μανούλα που πρέπει με το που θα μάθει πως θα σε φέρει στον κόσμο να ψυχαναλυθεί!

Να βρει το νόημα της δικής της ζωής να μην το γυρέψει μέσα από την δική σου την ζωή γιατί αλίμονο σου…

Δεν θα μάθεις ποτέ ποιος πραγματικά είσαι αφού θα μεγαλώνεις με τέτοιο τρόπο ώστε να ικανοποιήσεις αυτό που θα θελε να ναι η ίδια σου η μανούλα, θα σε φτιάξει έτσι ώστε να γίνεις αυτό που ‘θελε εκείνη και θα το δουλέψει πολύ από τότε που θα πας στα πρώτα σου σχολεία και αν εσύ αντισταθείς γιατί κάτι μέσα σου κλωτσήσει και δεν σου κάνει ετούτο το κουστούμι θα ακούσεις πως όλα γίνονται για το καλό σου και πως αυτό πρέπει να γίνει γιατί η μαμά κάνει αγώνα μεγάλο για να σου παρέχει όλα αυτά που εσύ πετάς και λες πως δεν τα θες κακομαθημένο!

Αγενέστατο παιδί και αχάριστο…. που δεν αναγνωρίζεις τίποτα…

Κοίτα με πόση δεξιοτεχνία, πόσο ύπουλα και χωρίς να το καταλάβεις, εσύ είσαι το πρόβλημα, εσύ έχεις τα προβλήματα που δεν καταλαβαίνεις τι είναι όλο αυτό που στήθηκε για σένα χωρίς εσένα;;

Γιατί ποιος είσαι εσύ άλλωστε…. Ποτέ σου δεν θα μάθεις..  Μόνο αν κάποια στιγμή τα καταθλιπτικά συμπτώματα ή το άγχος σε οδηγήσουν στον ψυχαναλυτή!

Και πάλι θα σου πάρει λίγο χρόνο πουλάκι μου μα την στιγμή που θα ανακαλύψεις ποιος είσαι θα ναι σαν σου κόλλησαν δυο φτερά στην πλάτη σαν αυτά που χουν οι άγγελοι και θα σαι ελεύθερος πια να πετάς.. θα είσαι εσύ ο γνήσιος και μοναδικός εαυτός σου και θα μπορείς να πετάς, να ανάπνεες και να απολαμβάνεις !

Την ζωή που σου ανήκει και που εσύ θα δημιουργήσεις.

Μπαρκάτσα Άρια, Ψυχολόγος

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Ενδιαφέροντα

Όσα δώσεις στο παιδί σου μέχρι τα 6, καθορίζουν την υπόλοιπη ζωή του!

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Έρευνες, μελέτες και σιγά σιγά η εμπειρία των προηγούμενων γενεών πιστοποιούν πια πως τα 6 πρώτα χρόνια ζωής ενός παιδιού προδιαγράφουν το μέλλον του.

Η υγιεινή διατροφή, τα πλούσια ερεθίσματα αλλά κυρίως η αγάπη των γονιών, ειδικά σε αυτά τα σημαντικά 6 χρόνια της ζωής, είναι ικανά ακόμα και να απενεργοποιήσουν τα γονίδια εκείνα που σχετίζονται με κάθε είδους ασθένεια, σωματική ή ψυχική. Τα νέα στοιχεία, κάνουν σκόνη την θεωρία που θέλει τα γονίδιά μας να είναι αυτά που κάνουν καθολικό κουμάντο. Τώρα ξέρουμε πως το περιβάλλον και ο τρόπος που μεγαλώνουμε είναι αυτά που μπορούν να επηρεάσουν τη ζωή μας. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει πως τα γονίδια δεν παίζουν το ρόλο τους, δεν ορίζουν όμως μόνο αυτά τη εξέλιξη της προσωπικότητάς μας.

Όπως και να έχει, το βασικό είναι πως επιβεβαιώνεται αυτό που όλοι υποψιαζόμασταν: πως η προσοχή, η αγάπη και η φροντίδα που δίνουμε σε ένα παιδί από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του καθορίζει σε τεράστιο βαθμό τη ζωή τους και ουσιαστικά αποτελεί ένα σημαντικό κληροδότημά μας προς εκείνα.

Στα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του το παιδί είναι όπως το μαλακό κερί, όπως το μαργαριτάρι, όπως η ζωγραφική, όπως η κατασκευή των αγαλμάτων. Κατ’ επέκτασιν, οι γονείς γίνονται ζωγράφοι, καλλιτέχνες, αγαλματοποιοί και κατασκευάζουν αυριανούς ανθρώπους.

Παλαιότερα τα παιδιά αντιμετωπίζονταν ή αδιάφορα ή στην καλύτερη περίπτωση ως μικρογραφία ενήλικα. Στην πορεία, άρχισε να αντιμετωπίζεται με μεγάλη προσοχή, γιατί το σημερινό παιδί είναι ο πρόδρομος του αυριανού ενήλικα. Το ψυχικά υγιές παιδί έχει πολύ περισσότερες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας υγιής ενήλικας. Αντίστοιχα, το κακοποιημένο και τραυματισμένο παιδί έχει μεγάλες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας προβληματικός, αντικοινωνικός και παραβατικός ενήλικας. Η ανατροφή και η διαπαιδαγώγηση του παιδιού από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του είναι μια υπερβολικά υπεύθυνη, επίπονη, χρονοβόρα και δύσκολη διαδικασία η οποία απαιτεί την ευαισθητοποίηση των γονέων, την αυταπάρνησή τους και την υπομονή τους. Πέρα από το ότι ολοκληρώνει τη μητέρα και τον πατέρα ως άτομα, προδιαγράφει τις σχέσεις των ανθρώπων του αύριο.

Ανατρέφω ένα παιδί, θα πει στην πράξη ότι το μορφώνω όπως γράφει η σύμβουλος σχολικού εκπαιδευτικού προσανατολισμού Β. Παππά. Η μητέρα είναι εκείνη που το εκπαιδεύει πως να πίνει νερό από το ποτήρι, πως να τρώει με το κουτάλι και το πηρούνι, πως να ντύνεται μόνο του, να πηγαίνει στην τουαλέτα. Επίσης, εκείνη το μαθαίνει να τακτοποιεί τα παιχνίδια του, να τα μοιράζεται με τα άλλα παιδιά και να σέβεται τα δικαιώματα του άλλου. Η μητέρα διδάσκει το παιδί της με διάφορους τρόπους. Χρησιμοποιεί το λόγο, την επίδειξη, του παραστέκεται με τη σωματική της δύναμη. Αν θέλει, όμως, να πετύχει στο έργο της, επιβάλλεται να προσαρμόζει τις προσδοκίες της σ’ αυτά που σωματικά, ψυχολογικά και διανοητικά, μπορεί το παιδί να μάθει. Είναι σημαντικό για τη μητέρα να γνωρίζει το ίδιο της το παιδί. Να ξέρει σε ποιο σημείο ανάπτυξης βρίσκεται κι αν είναι έτοιμο να μάθει, αυτό που προσπαθεί να του διδάξει.

Ο πιο εκδηλωτικός τρόπος να μεταδώσουμε την αγάπη μας στο παιδί είναι η σωματική επικοινωνία. Κι όταν λέμε σωματική επικοινωνία, εννοούμε ένα χάιδεμα, ένα αγκάλιασμα, το ενθαρρυντικό χτύπημα στην πλάτη ή και ένα απλό άγγιγμα του παιδιού. Το παιδί που μεγαλώνει σε ένα σπίτι όπου οι γονείς χρησιμοποιούν την οπτική και σωματική επικοινωνία, αισθάνεται άνετα με τον εαυτό του και με τους άλλους, και συνεπώς, θα είναι αγαπητό και θα έχει αυτοσεβασμό. Κατ’ αυτό τον τρόπο το παιδί μπορεί να γεμίσει το συναισθηματικό του δοχείο. Επίσης, η συμμετοχή του πατέρα στη φροντίδα του παιδιού και η συναισθηματική στήριξη στη σύζυγό του ενισχύει σημαντικά τη συζυγική και οικογενειακή αρμονία, ενισχύοντας τους δεσμούς τόσο με το παιδί όσο και με τη σύντροφό του.

“Ιδανικοί” γονείς θεωρούνται, όσοι συνδυάζουν την έκδηλη στοργή και την ενθάρρυνση για αυτονομία. «Το πολύ μικρό παιδί μπορεί να έχει ανάγκη από τη συνεχή φροντίδα, όσο μεγαλώνει όμως, ο γονιός οφείλει να το απελευθερώνει σιγά – σιγά, χωρίς να διακόπτεται η αμοιβαία αγάπη και να το οδηγεί στη συναισθηματική και πνευματική ανεξαρτησία. Η γονεϊκή αγάπη που πνίγει τα παιδιά, τη στιγμή που αυτά έχουν ανάγκη να βγουν εξω από την οικογενειακή “φωλιά”, μοιάζει με τα δέντρα που φυτεύουμε, για να προστατεύσουμε το σπίτι από τον ήλιο και που, τελικά, μεγαλώνουν τόσο πολύ και ευδοκιμούν τόσο, ώστε πρέπει να τα κλαδέψουμε, αν δεν θέλουμε να πεθάνουμε από ασφυξία».

Όσα κάνουμε, όσα λέμε, από ένα απλό νανούρισμα, μέχρι ένα χαδί, από ένα «μη» μέχρι ένα «μπράβο» στο πρώτο δειλό βήμα, καταγράφονται στο μυαλό και την ψυχή του παιδιού. Και παρόλο που ως ενήλικες αδυνατούμε να χρησιμοποιήσουμε σε συνειδητό επίπεδο όλες τις πληροφορίες εκείνες που συλλέξαμε στην πρώιμη παιδική ηλικία, αυτές οι μνήμες είναι υπαρκτές και ασκούν πάνω μας επιρροή σε ασυνείδητο επίπεδο.

Γι’ αυτό οφείλουμε σαν γονείς να γεμίσουμε τον κόσμο του τόσο μικρού αυτού ανθρώπου με όμορφες εικόνες και τρυφερά συναισθήματα, ώστε όταν έρθει ο καιρός να «ανασύρει» όλο αυτό του υλικό για να προχωρήσει, να «βρει» στοιχεία που θα τον κάνουν έναν μαχητή της ζωής και όχι ένα φερέφωνο των γονεικών προσδοκιών.

http://www.themamagers.gr

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