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Το να είσαι εσωστρεφής, δε σημαίνει ότι είσαι ντροπαλός.

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«Όταν ήμουν εννιά χρονών πήγα στην καλοκαιρινή κατασκήνωση για πρώτη φορά. Η μητέρα μου έφτιαξε μια βαλίτσα γεμάτη βιβλία, πράγμα που μου φαινόταν απολύτως φυσιολογικό γιατί στην οικογένειά μου ήταν κύρια ομαδική δραστηριότητα. Κι αυτό μπορεί να σας ακούγεται αντικοινωνικό, απλά για εμάς ήταν ένας διαφορετικός τρόπος κοινωνικότητας.  Έχεις τη ζωώδη ζεστασιά της οικογένειάς σου, να κάθεται δίπλα σου, αλλά παράλληλα είσαι ελεύθερος να περιπλανιέσαι στη γη της περιπέτειας μέσα στο μυαλό σου. Και θεωρούσα ότι η κατασκήνωση θα είναι ακριβώς έτσι, αλλά κι ακόμα καλύτερη.

Είχα μια εικόνα 10 κοριτσιών να κάθονται σε μία σκηνή διαβάζοντας βιβλία και φορώντας ασορτί νυχτικά. Η κατασκήνωση ήταν σαν πάρτι, αλλά χωρίς αλκοόλ. Και την πρώτη κιόλας μέρα η σύμβουλος μας μάζεψε όλες μαζί και μας έμαθε μια κραυγή που μας είπε ότι έπρεπε να λέμε κάθε μέρα, για το υπόλοιπο Καλοκαίρι, προκειμένου ν’ανεβάσουμε το ηθικό της κατασκήνωσης. Αν και δεν ήμουν ενθουσιασμένη με το εγχείρημα, έλεγα την κραυγή μαζί μ’όλες τις άλλες, περιμένοντας πότε θα’ρθει η ώρα που θ’αποσυρθώ να διαβάσω με την ησυχία μου τα βιβλία μου.

Την πρώτη μέρα που’βγαλα το βιβλίο απ’τη βαλίτσα μου, με πλησίασε το πιο κουλ κορίτσι της παρέας και μου είπε:
– Γιατί είσαι τόσο ήσυχη;
Δεν απάντησα, αλλά έβαλα τα βιβλία στη βαλίτσα μου και τ’άφησα εκεί για όλο το υπόλοιπο Καλοκαίρι. Κι αισθανόμουν λίγο ένοχη γι’αυτό, γιατί ένιωθα ότι τα βιβλία μου με χρειάζονται μ’έναν τρόπο. Ότι με φώναζαν κι εγώ τα εγκατέλειπα.

Τώρα σας λέω την ιστορία με την κατασκήνωση, ενώ μπορώ να πω άλλες 50 ίδιες μ’αυτή, για να σας εξηγήσω πως κάθε φορά που λάμβανα το μήνυμα ότι ο ήρεμος κι εσωστρεφής τρόπος ζωής μου δεν ήταν απαραίτητα σωστός, ότι θα’πρεπε να προσπαθήσω να’μαι πιο εξωστρεφής, προσπαθούσα να είμαι. Βαθιά μέσα μου, όμως, ήξερα ότι αυτό ήταν λάθος κι ότι οι εσωστρεφείς μια χαρά ήταν όπως ήταν.
Αλλά για χρόνια αρνιόμουν την διαίσθησή μου κι έτσι έγινα δικηγόρος αντί να γίνω συγγραφέας, όπως ονειρευόμουν, εν μέρει γιατί ήθελα ν’αποδείξω στον εαυτό μου ότι ήμουν δυναμική.

Θυμάμαι ότι πήγαινα σε μπαρ με πολύ κόσμο για ποτό αντί να κάτσω σπίτι με φίλους που το προτιμούσα. Κι έκανα όλες αυτές τις επιλογές αυταπάρνησης τόσο αντανακλαστικά που δεν είχα συναίσθηση ότι τις έκανα. Αυτό είναι κάτι που κάνουν πολύ εσωστρεφείς. Κι είναι εις βάρος τους, βέβαια, αλλά είναι, επίσης, εις βάρος των συναδέλφων τους κι εις βάρος των κοινοτήτων μας. Και με κίνδυνο να ακουστώ υπερβολική, είναι εις βάρος του κόσμου. Γιατί όταν πρόκειται για δημιουργικότητα και ηγεσία χρειαζόμαστε τους εσωστρεφείς να κάνουν αυτό που ξέρουν να κάνουν καλύτερα.

Όλοι, από μικροί, καταπιέζουμε την εσωστρέφειά μας, γιατί έτσι έχουμε μάθει από την κοινωνία. Το να είσαι εσωστρεφής, δεν σημαίνει ότι είσαι ντροπαλός. Η ντροπή έχει να κάνει με τον φόβο της κοινωνικής κρίσης. Η εσωστρέφεια έχει να κάνει περισσότερο με το πώς αντιδράς σε κοινωνικά ερεθίσματα. Οι εξωστρεφείς επιθυμούν μεγάλες ποσότητες εξωτερικών ερεθισμάτων, ενώ οι εσωστρεφείς αισθάνονται πιο ικανοί και σ’εγρήγορση όταν βρίσκονται σ’ένα ήρεμο περιβάλλον. Σε μια κουλτούρα όπου η κοινωνικότητα κι η εξωστρέφεια θεωρούνται τα μεγαλύτερα πλεονεκτήματα, η εσωστρέφεια μπορεί να’ναι δύσκολη, ακόμα και ντροπιαστική.

«Ντρέπεται», σπεύδουν να εξηγήσουν γονείς μ’απολογητικό βλέμμα όταν τα παιδιά τους σωπαίνουν, χαμηλώνουν το βλέμμα ή κρύβονται, αρνούμενα να υποταχθούν στους κανόνες κοινωνικής συμπεριφοράς. Η συστολή δεν ανήκει στις ιδιότητες που ενισχύουν τη γονεϊκή υπερηφάνεια, οπωσδήποτε, όμως, είναι προτιμότερη απ’την αγένεια ή, ακόμα χειρότερα, την αντικοινωνικότητα. Με την αυτοπροβολή και τις δημόσιες σχέσεις να’χουν αναχθεί σε ύψιστες αξίες, γονείς και εκπαιδευτικοί εύλογα τείνουν να επιβραβεύουν την εξωστρέφεια, την αυξημένη κοινωνικότητα και τη λεκτική επιδεξιότητα, ακόμα και στις πολύ νεαρές ηλικίες.

Η εσωστρέφεια – μαζί με τα “ξαδέλφια” της, την ευαισθησία, τη σοβαρότητα και τη συστολή – έχει γίνει πια ένα χαρακτηριστικό προσωπικότητας δευτεροκλασάτο. Κάτι μεταξύ απογοητευτικού και παθολογικού. Η εξωστρέφεια, ως τύπος προσωπικότητας, είναι εξαιρετικά γοητευτική. Την έχουμε, όμως, μετατρέψει σε καταπιεστικό δεδομένο, με το οποίο οι περισσότεροι νιώθουμε πως οφείλουμε να συμμορφωθούμε.

Ας σκεφτούμε όμως πως τουλάχιστον ένας στους τρεις ανθρώπους που γνωρίζουμε είναι εσωστρεφής. Είναι τα άτομα που προτιμούν να ακούνε παρά να μιλάνε. Να διαβάζουν παρά να ξεφαντώνουν. Καινοτομούν και δημιουργούν, χωρίς να επιδιώκουν την προσωπική τους προβολή. Αποδίδουν καλύτερα όταν σκέφτονται μόνοι τους παρά σε ομάδες. Συχνά περνάνε απαρατήρητοι…».

Κι όμως, η ιστορία είναι γεμάτη από σπουδαίους εσωστρεφείς:
Από τον Μαχάτμα Γκάντι, τον Μαρσέλ Προυστ και τον Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν μέχρι την Τζ. Κ. Ρόουλινγκ, τον Στίβεν Σπίλμπεργκ και τον Γουόρεν Μπάφετ. Κι από πολλούς αφανείς, αλλά σημαντικούς, όπως τον άντρα σου ή τη γυναίκα σου, το παιδί σου ή τους γονείς σου. Ακόμα και τον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.

Οι εσωστρεφείς είναι παντού.

Χωρίς τους εσωστρεφείς, θα είχαμε στερηθεί σημαντικές ανακαλύψεις, μοναδικά έργα τέχνης και πολιτικά κινήματα. Χωρίς αυτούς δεν θα είχε διατυπωθεί ποτέ η θεωρία της σχετικότητας. Δεν θα είχε γραφτεί το 1984. Δεν θα υπήρχαν τα Ηλιοτρόπια του Βαν Γκογκ.

Απόσπασμα από την ομιλία της  Σούζαν Κέιν (Susan Cain), δικηγόρου και συγγραφέως του best seller «Η δύναμη των εσωστρεφών»

Επιμέλεια Λίνα Παπαδοπούλου

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Ενδιαφέροντα

Η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής – η απόλυτη συνταγή επιτυχίας;

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128,000+ Listening Music Pictures

Η μουσική είναι παντού. Υπάρχουν λίγες καταστάσεις και στιγμές στην καθημερινότητά μας στις οποίες η μουσική δεν παίζει σημαντικό ρόλο. Είτε αθλείστε, οδηγείτε, περπατάτε ή ψωνίζετε – αν δεν χρησιμοποιούμε τα ακουστικά μας μόνοι μας, η μουσική υπόκρουση παίζει εξωτερικά. Η μουσική είναι ο παλμός κάθε πάρτι, όπου η επιλογή της λίστας αναπαραγωγής μπορεί να δώσει τον τόνο για ολόκληρη την εκδήλωση. Από έξω, η μουσική βιομηχανία μπορεί να φαίνεται διαφορετική, με αστέρια όπως ο Drake, η Lady Gaga ή οι Coldplay να γίνονται πρωτοσέλιδα κάθε μέρα. Και όμως, μια πιο προσεκτική ματιά δείχνει ότι αυτό δεν συνέβαινε πάντα και ότι η ποικιλομορφία στον κόσμο της μουσικής μπόρεσε πραγματικά να καθιερωθεί μόνο τα τελευταία χρόνια. Χάρη στο Spotify and Co., η μουσική είναι πάντα κοντά μας και προσβάσιμη από οπουδήποτε. Γιατί όμως μας αρέσει ακριβώς η ποικιλόμορφη πλευρά της μουσικής και γιατί είναι τόσο σημαντική η διαφοροποίηση;

Η μουσική δεν είναι περιχαρακωμένη

Η μουσική δεν είναι μόνο διασκεδαστική, έχει επίσης πολλά οφέλη και μας βοηθά να αναπτυχθούμε και να αναπτυχθούμε. Η μουσική παίζει ιδιαίτερο ρόλο, ειδικά όσον αφορά τα συναισθήματα και τις διαθέσεις. Μέσα από τη διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής, τελειώνει η περιχαράκωση. Διαφορετικά συναισθήματα και συναισθήματα μπορούν να μεταδοθούν μέσω της μουσικής. Η μουσική είναι φτιαγμένη για όλους και δεν σκέφτεται σε ομάδες. Αλλά ακόμη και αυτή η εξέλιξη συνεχίζεται, επειδή οι παραγωγοί εξακολουθούν να αναφέρουν ότι αποκλείονται από ορισμένους τομείς της μουσικής βιομηχανίας λόγω υποθέσεων με βάση την εθνικότητά τους.

Η μουσική είναι μια παγκόσμια γλώσσα που όλοι μπορούν να καταλάβουν. Συνδέει ηπείρους και ξεπερνά αποστάσεις και πολιτισμούς. Φτάνει στα βάθη των ανθρώπων μοιράζοντας ένα συναίσθημα, μια εμπειρία, μια ιδέα που πυροδοτεί μια εσωτερική κίνηση. Και αυτός ακριβώς είναι ο στόχος, η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής.

Μουσική που σπάει με τη φόρμα

Μια συνταγή επιτυχίας στον κόσμο της μουσικής είναι να ρισκάρεις τη μουσική. Οι ερμηνευτές και οι καλλιτέχνες που είναι διαφορετικοί φαίνονται όλο και πιο επιτυχημένοι. Όσοι τολμούν να επανεφεύρουν τον εαυτό τους και τον κόσμο της μουσικής γίνονται όλο και πιο δημοφιλείς.

Μια ποικιλόμορφη κοινωνία

Η σημασία της διαφοροποίησης της μουσικής φαίνεται και από την εξέλιξη της κοινωνίας τα τελευταία χρόνια. Θέματα που γίνονται όλο και πιο παρόντα βρίσκονται επίσης όλο και περισσότερο στον κόσμο της μουσικής. Αστέρια όπως η Demi Lovato βγαίνουν ως μη δυαδικά και η Billie Eilish ενσαρκώνει επίσης τα φωτεινά χρώματα της κοινωνίας. Και με επιτυχία: χάρη σε αυτή τη μουσική , οι άνθρωποι αισθάνονται κατανοητοί και με αυτόν τον τρόπο δημιουργείται ένα μέρος όπου ο καθένας μπορεί να είναι όπως θέλει.

Μουσική στο iGaming

Το πόσο διαδεδομένη είναι η μουσική δείχνει το ερώτημα: Πού δεν είναι η μουσική; Σχεδόν κανένας τομέας της ζωής μας δεν μπορεί να φανταστεί κανείς χωρίς μουσική. Ακόμη και στον κόσμο των βίντεο κουλοχέρηδων  αμέτρητων βιβλιοθηκών τυχερών παιχνιδιών, η μουσική είναι ένα ουσιαστικό συστατικό. Ενώ υπάρχουν κουλοχέρηδες με θέμα τη μουσική, όπως το Music Stage, σε άλλα παιχνίδια η μουσική είναι ένα σημαντικό υπόβαθρο και παρέχει ενθουσιασμό και επιπλέον αδρεναλίνη. Η μουσική παρέχει επίσης τη σωστή αίσθηση στις ζωντανές στοές.

Χάρη στη μουσική

Έτσι, στο τέλος είναι απαραίτητο μόνο να ευχαριστήσουμε τη μουσική. Για τα συναισθήματα που νιώθουμε χάρη σε εκείνη και τις καταστάσεις που την κάνουν πολύ πιο έντονη. Τι θα ήμασταν χωρίς τη μουσική;

Listening to relaxing music can improve cognitive performance, study suggests

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Mανούλες σταματήστε να αυτοθυσιάζεστε για τα παιδάκια σας τα καταστρέφετε.

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Στο’ πα και στο ξαναλέω πως κάπου εκεί στις οδηγίες χρήσης ενός τεστ εγκυμοσύνης που αναφέρεται… «Αν εμφανιστούν οι μπλε γραμμούλες.. δηλαδή αν είστε έγκυος.. επισκεφτείτε τον γυναικολόγο σας» θα έπρεπε να υπήρχε υποσημείωση… επισκεφτείτε και τον ψυχολόγο σας!!

Δεν μπορείς να ακούς μα ούτε και να εξηγήσεις πως ο πιο σημαντικός άνθρωπος στην ζωή σου, η ίδια σου η μάνα, που σε ‘φερε στην ζωή, που θυσιάστηκε και θυσιάζεται για να ‘σαι συ καλά, που έκανε στην άκρη όλη της τη ζωή να μπει η δική σου μπροστά, πως εκείνη; πως μπορεί εκείνη να ναι η πηγή της δυστυχία σου. Δεν το χωρά ο νους σου και ούτε να το ακούς δεν θες….

Μα αυτή η αυταπάρνηση της μανούλας σου θα κάνει με τόση μαεστρία την δική σου την ψυχούλα να γεμίζει τύψεις και ενοχές κάθε που θα σηκώσεις κεφάλι από τα πρώτα σου χρόνια… γιατί η μαμά επειδή σε αγαπάει τα κάνει όλα δεν την λυπάσαι;  Κάνε αυτό που σου λέει αμέσως… Κοίτα, κοιτά πόσο την ταλαιπωρείς, κοιτά αναίσθητο παιδί που δεν καταλαβαίνεις πως όλα για σένα γίνονται.

Και έτσι εσύ καημένο μου παιδάκι και εγωκεντρικό γίνεσαι και υποτακτικό σε πάσα μορφή εξουσίας. Και στην αγάπη αρχίζεις να αισθάνεσαι υπόχρεος γιατί κάποιος κόβει κάτι από κείνον για να το δώσει σε σένα, δεν υπάρχει εκεί μονό για σένα και αναρωτιέσαι, άραγε την αξίζεις αυτή την αγάπη, άραγε υπάρχει πραγματικά κάτι μονό για μένα;;

Θυσιάζομαι για σένα λέει η μανούλα που πρέπει με το που θα μάθει πως θα σε φέρει στον κόσμο να ψυχαναλυθεί!

Να βρει το νόημα της δικής της ζωής να μην το γυρέψει μέσα από την δική σου την ζωή γιατί αλίμονο σου…

Δεν θα μάθεις ποτέ ποιος πραγματικά είσαι αφού θα μεγαλώνεις με τέτοιο τρόπο ώστε να ικανοποιήσεις αυτό που θα θελε να ναι η ίδια σου η μανούλα, θα σε φτιάξει έτσι ώστε να γίνεις αυτό που ‘θελε εκείνη και θα το δουλέψει πολύ από τότε που θα πας στα πρώτα σου σχολεία και αν εσύ αντισταθείς γιατί κάτι μέσα σου κλωτσήσει και δεν σου κάνει ετούτο το κουστούμι θα ακούσεις πως όλα γίνονται για το καλό σου και πως αυτό πρέπει να γίνει γιατί η μαμά κάνει αγώνα μεγάλο για να σου παρέχει όλα αυτά που εσύ πετάς και λες πως δεν τα θες κακομαθημένο!

Αγενέστατο παιδί και αχάριστο…. που δεν αναγνωρίζεις τίποτα…

Κοίτα με πόση δεξιοτεχνία, πόσο ύπουλα και χωρίς να το καταλάβεις, εσύ είσαι το πρόβλημα, εσύ έχεις τα προβλήματα που δεν καταλαβαίνεις τι είναι όλο αυτό που στήθηκε για σένα χωρίς εσένα;;

Γιατί ποιος είσαι εσύ άλλωστε…. Ποτέ σου δεν θα μάθεις..  Μόνο αν κάποια στιγμή τα καταθλιπτικά συμπτώματα ή το άγχος σε οδηγήσουν στον ψυχαναλυτή!

Και πάλι θα σου πάρει λίγο χρόνο πουλάκι μου μα την στιγμή που θα ανακαλύψεις ποιος είσαι θα ναι σαν σου κόλλησαν δυο φτερά στην πλάτη σαν αυτά που χουν οι άγγελοι και θα σαι ελεύθερος πια να πετάς.. θα είσαι εσύ ο γνήσιος και μοναδικός εαυτός σου και θα μπορείς να πετάς, να ανάπνεες και να απολαμβάνεις !

Την ζωή που σου ανήκει και που εσύ θα δημιουργήσεις.

Μπαρκάτσα Άρια, Ψυχολόγος

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Όσα δώσεις στο παιδί σου μέχρι τα 6, καθορίζουν την υπόλοιπη ζωή του!

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Έρευνες, μελέτες και σιγά σιγά η εμπειρία των προηγούμενων γενεών πιστοποιούν πια πως τα 6 πρώτα χρόνια ζωής ενός παιδιού προδιαγράφουν το μέλλον του.

Η υγιεινή διατροφή, τα πλούσια ερεθίσματα αλλά κυρίως η αγάπη των γονιών, ειδικά σε αυτά τα σημαντικά 6 χρόνια της ζωής, είναι ικανά ακόμα και να απενεργοποιήσουν τα γονίδια εκείνα που σχετίζονται με κάθε είδους ασθένεια, σωματική ή ψυχική. Τα νέα στοιχεία, κάνουν σκόνη την θεωρία που θέλει τα γονίδιά μας να είναι αυτά που κάνουν καθολικό κουμάντο. Τώρα ξέρουμε πως το περιβάλλον και ο τρόπος που μεγαλώνουμε είναι αυτά που μπορούν να επηρεάσουν τη ζωή μας. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει πως τα γονίδια δεν παίζουν το ρόλο τους, δεν ορίζουν όμως μόνο αυτά τη εξέλιξη της προσωπικότητάς μας.

Όπως και να έχει, το βασικό είναι πως επιβεβαιώνεται αυτό που όλοι υποψιαζόμασταν: πως η προσοχή, η αγάπη και η φροντίδα που δίνουμε σε ένα παιδί από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του καθορίζει σε τεράστιο βαθμό τη ζωή τους και ουσιαστικά αποτελεί ένα σημαντικό κληροδότημά μας προς εκείνα.

Στα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του το παιδί είναι όπως το μαλακό κερί, όπως το μαργαριτάρι, όπως η ζωγραφική, όπως η κατασκευή των αγαλμάτων. Κατ’ επέκτασιν, οι γονείς γίνονται ζωγράφοι, καλλιτέχνες, αγαλματοποιοί και κατασκευάζουν αυριανούς ανθρώπους.

Παλαιότερα τα παιδιά αντιμετωπίζονταν ή αδιάφορα ή στην καλύτερη περίπτωση ως μικρογραφία ενήλικα. Στην πορεία, άρχισε να αντιμετωπίζεται με μεγάλη προσοχή, γιατί το σημερινό παιδί είναι ο πρόδρομος του αυριανού ενήλικα. Το ψυχικά υγιές παιδί έχει πολύ περισσότερες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας υγιής ενήλικας. Αντίστοιχα, το κακοποιημένο και τραυματισμένο παιδί έχει μεγάλες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας προβληματικός, αντικοινωνικός και παραβατικός ενήλικας. Η ανατροφή και η διαπαιδαγώγηση του παιδιού από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του είναι μια υπερβολικά υπεύθυνη, επίπονη, χρονοβόρα και δύσκολη διαδικασία η οποία απαιτεί την ευαισθητοποίηση των γονέων, την αυταπάρνησή τους και την υπομονή τους. Πέρα από το ότι ολοκληρώνει τη μητέρα και τον πατέρα ως άτομα, προδιαγράφει τις σχέσεις των ανθρώπων του αύριο.

Ανατρέφω ένα παιδί, θα πει στην πράξη ότι το μορφώνω όπως γράφει η σύμβουλος σχολικού εκπαιδευτικού προσανατολισμού Β. Παππά. Η μητέρα είναι εκείνη που το εκπαιδεύει πως να πίνει νερό από το ποτήρι, πως να τρώει με το κουτάλι και το πηρούνι, πως να ντύνεται μόνο του, να πηγαίνει στην τουαλέτα. Επίσης, εκείνη το μαθαίνει να τακτοποιεί τα παιχνίδια του, να τα μοιράζεται με τα άλλα παιδιά και να σέβεται τα δικαιώματα του άλλου. Η μητέρα διδάσκει το παιδί της με διάφορους τρόπους. Χρησιμοποιεί το λόγο, την επίδειξη, του παραστέκεται με τη σωματική της δύναμη. Αν θέλει, όμως, να πετύχει στο έργο της, επιβάλλεται να προσαρμόζει τις προσδοκίες της σ’ αυτά που σωματικά, ψυχολογικά και διανοητικά, μπορεί το παιδί να μάθει. Είναι σημαντικό για τη μητέρα να γνωρίζει το ίδιο της το παιδί. Να ξέρει σε ποιο σημείο ανάπτυξης βρίσκεται κι αν είναι έτοιμο να μάθει, αυτό που προσπαθεί να του διδάξει.

Ο πιο εκδηλωτικός τρόπος να μεταδώσουμε την αγάπη μας στο παιδί είναι η σωματική επικοινωνία. Κι όταν λέμε σωματική επικοινωνία, εννοούμε ένα χάιδεμα, ένα αγκάλιασμα, το ενθαρρυντικό χτύπημα στην πλάτη ή και ένα απλό άγγιγμα του παιδιού. Το παιδί που μεγαλώνει σε ένα σπίτι όπου οι γονείς χρησιμοποιούν την οπτική και σωματική επικοινωνία, αισθάνεται άνετα με τον εαυτό του και με τους άλλους, και συνεπώς, θα είναι αγαπητό και θα έχει αυτοσεβασμό. Κατ’ αυτό τον τρόπο το παιδί μπορεί να γεμίσει το συναισθηματικό του δοχείο. Επίσης, η συμμετοχή του πατέρα στη φροντίδα του παιδιού και η συναισθηματική στήριξη στη σύζυγό του ενισχύει σημαντικά τη συζυγική και οικογενειακή αρμονία, ενισχύοντας τους δεσμούς τόσο με το παιδί όσο και με τη σύντροφό του.

“Ιδανικοί” γονείς θεωρούνται, όσοι συνδυάζουν την έκδηλη στοργή και την ενθάρρυνση για αυτονομία. «Το πολύ μικρό παιδί μπορεί να έχει ανάγκη από τη συνεχή φροντίδα, όσο μεγαλώνει όμως, ο γονιός οφείλει να το απελευθερώνει σιγά – σιγά, χωρίς να διακόπτεται η αμοιβαία αγάπη και να το οδηγεί στη συναισθηματική και πνευματική ανεξαρτησία. Η γονεϊκή αγάπη που πνίγει τα παιδιά, τη στιγμή που αυτά έχουν ανάγκη να βγουν εξω από την οικογενειακή “φωλιά”, μοιάζει με τα δέντρα που φυτεύουμε, για να προστατεύσουμε το σπίτι από τον ήλιο και που, τελικά, μεγαλώνουν τόσο πολύ και ευδοκιμούν τόσο, ώστε πρέπει να τα κλαδέψουμε, αν δεν θέλουμε να πεθάνουμε από ασφυξία».

Όσα κάνουμε, όσα λέμε, από ένα απλό νανούρισμα, μέχρι ένα χαδί, από ένα «μη» μέχρι ένα «μπράβο» στο πρώτο δειλό βήμα, καταγράφονται στο μυαλό και την ψυχή του παιδιού. Και παρόλο που ως ενήλικες αδυνατούμε να χρησιμοποιήσουμε σε συνειδητό επίπεδο όλες τις πληροφορίες εκείνες που συλλέξαμε στην πρώιμη παιδική ηλικία, αυτές οι μνήμες είναι υπαρκτές και ασκούν πάνω μας επιρροή σε ασυνείδητο επίπεδο.

Γι’ αυτό οφείλουμε σαν γονείς να γεμίσουμε τον κόσμο του τόσο μικρού αυτού ανθρώπου με όμορφες εικόνες και τρυφερά συναισθήματα, ώστε όταν έρθει ο καιρός να «ανασύρει» όλο αυτό του υλικό για να προχωρήσει, να «βρει» στοιχεία που θα τον κάνουν έναν μαχητή της ζωής και όχι ένα φερέφωνο των γονεικών προσδοκιών.

http://www.themamagers.gr

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