Ενδιαφέροντα
Χ. Μπουκάι: Θα ήμασταν πιο ευτυχισμένοι αν κάναμε πιο πολύ έρωτα
Με τον Χόρχε Μπουκάι «συναντήθηκα» πρώτη φορά σε μια ερημική παραλία πριν από δυο τρία χρόνια. Μια κοπέλα μόνη διάβαζε ένα βιβλίο του «Να σου πω μια ιστορία». Δέκα μέτρα πιο κει ένα ζευγαράκι μοιραζόταν ένα άλλο βιβλίο του, «Ιστορίες να σκεφτείς». Τα εξώφυλλα των δύο βιβλίων ήταν πανομοιότυπα, γι΄ αυτό και το πρόσεξα.
Στο πρατήριο των εφημερίδων, το επόμενο πρωί, η κυρία Σούλα ήξερε και αυτή τον Μπουκάι. Δώδεκα βιβλία «αυτογνωσίας και αυτοβοήθειας», μεταφρασμένα σε 22 γλώσσες, όλα στις λίστες των best sellers. Όταν έμαθα ότι θα έρθει στην Αθήνα, ζήτησα να τον συναντήσω.
Αν βέβαια μπορούσε να μου διαθέσει αρκετό χρόνο, γιατί αυτές οι συνεντεύξεις του δεκάλεπτου που παραχωρούν οι σταρ στους προθαλάμους των ξενοδοχείων δεν οδηγούν πουθενά. «Έχετε όση ώρα θέλετε», μου είπε με τις χειραψίες η συνοδός και μεταφράστρια του. «Αρκεί να μη με ρωτήσετε σαν όλους τους δημοσιογράφους ποιο είναι το μυστικό των μεγάλων πωλήσεων», πρόσθεσε γελώντας ο Μπουκάι.
Βλέπετε ακόμα ασθενείς;
Όχι, εδώ και 5 χρόνια που άρχισα να ταξιδεύω, δεν βλέπω ασθενείς. Ένας θεραπευτής μπορεί να φεύγει μια φορά για ένα μήνα, αλλά όχι για τρεις μήνες κάθε δυο μήνες!
Από ποιους ανθρώπους μάθατε αυτά που ξέρετε;
Ο άνθρωπος που μου έμαθε τα περισσότερα στη ζωή είναι η συγγραφέας Σουλέμα Σασλάβσκι. Επίσης έχω μάθει πολλά από τη σύζυγό μου στα 30 χρόνια του γάμου μας. Τελευταία, μαθαίνω πολλά και από τα παιδιά μου.. Έχω και μερικούς φίλους που πιστεύω ότι είναι κάτι παραπάνω από δάσκαλοι. Είναι σοφοί.
Τι σημαίνει δάσκαλος; Ένας πολιτικός μπορεί να είναι δάσκαλος;
Όλοι είναι δάσκαλοι σε κάποιο θέμα και αδαείς σε άλλα θέματα. Κάποιος μπορεί να είναι άριστος επαγγελματίας αλλά ανώρι μος στην αγάπη. Μπορεί να είναι πολύ έξυπνος για να κάνει αριθμητικές πράξεις, αλλά να μην ξέρει πώς να συμβουλεύσει κάποιον φίλο.
Σε κάποια πεδία αναπτυσσόμαστε περισσότερο ενώ σε κάποια άλλα παραμένουμε αδαείς. Το πρόβλημα δεν είναι αυτό. Το να μη γνωρίζεις δεν είναι ντροπή. Το πρόβλημα είναι να πιστεύεις ότι τα γνωρίζεις όλα.
Ένας που νιώθει δάσκαλος μπορεί να δεχθεί να είναι ταυτόχρονα και μαθητής;
Όταν ο δάσκαλος είναι τόσο αλαζόνας, ώστε να πιστεύει ότι δεν υπάρχει τίποτε πια να μάθει, δεν είναι δάσκαλος, είναι ηλίθιος. Πραγματικός δάσκαλος είναι εκείνος που μπορεί να μάθει ακόμα κι απ’΄ αυτούς που γνωρίζουν λιγότερα.
Αληθεύει ότι είχατε δυο παππούδες που σας έλεγαν ιστορίες;
Σωστά, έπρεπε να τους είχα αναφέρει. Επίσης, τον πατέρα μου. Ο πατέρας μου δεν έλεγε ιστορίες, δεν κατάφερε καν να τελειώσει το δημοτικό, αλλά είχε μια σχέση λατρείας με τα βιβλία. Είναι σαν το πιάνο που κάποιοι δεν το αποκτούν ποτέ και τελικά το κάνουν δώρο στα παιδιά τους. Ο πατέρας μου πάντα έλεγε σε μένα και στον αδερφό μου ότι σε αυτό το σπίτι δεν υπάρχουν λεφτά για ηλεκτρικά παιχνίδια ούτε για καινούργια ρούχα.
Παίρνουμε από τα ξαδέρφια, τα προσέχουμε έτσι ώστε να τα επιστρέψουμε στα πιο μικρά ξαδέρφια μας, αλλά πάντα υπάρχουν χρήματα για βιβλία. Αρκούσε να ζητήσουμε ένα βιβλίο και ο πατέρας μου ρωτούσε πώς λέγεται και πού το πουλάνε.
Τα δόγματα, είτε είναι θρησκευτικά είτε πολιτικά, βοηθάνε πιστεύετε τους ανθρώπους;
Κανένα δόγμα δεν μας βοηθάει να αναπτυχθούμε. Ένας δάσκαλος θα σου πει: «Μη δέχεσαι κανένα δόγμα και μην εμπιστεύεσαι αυτά που σου λέω εγώ».
Επομένως, δεν πρέπει να είμαστε ούτε χριστιανοί ούτε αριστεροί ούτε δεξιοί ούτε οτιδήποτε… Όχι, να είσαι ό,τι θέλεις, αλλά να μην κλειστείς σε αυτή την πίστη. Να είσαι χριστιανός με ανοιχτό μυαλό. Μουσουλμάνος με ανοιχτό μυαλό. Σου ζητώ να είσαι ένας αριστερός που ξέρει ότι υπάρχουν κάποιες ιδέες της Δεξιάς που είναι καλές.
Δεν είναι δύσκολο όμως να μην είμαι «κάτι»;
Εννοείται πως είναι δύσκολο, αλλά δεν υπάρχει άλλος τρόπος για να εξελιχθείς. Τώρα, αν δεν θέλεις να εξελιχθείς, μάθε καλά το δόγμα σου και θα έχεις τα χειροκροτήματα από όλους, αλλά δεν θα αναπτυχθείς.
Καμία συζήτηση με έναν ψυχοθεραπευτή δεν έχει ενδιαφέρον εάν δεν υπάρχει αναφορά στο σεξ και τον θάνατο.
Συμφωνώ. Σας συστήνω, λοιπόν, να μην εγκαταλείψετε ποτέ το σεξ! Τι άλλο θέλετε να μάθετε; Εάν δεν υπήρχαν τα ταμπού που έρχονται κυρίως από τις θρησκείες και οι άνθρωποι κάνανε περισσότερο σεξ, θα ήταν πιο ευτυχισμένος ο κόσμος μας;
Δεν ξέρω αν κάνουμε λίγο σεξ, επειδή υπάρχουν οι θρησκείες ή έχουμε εφεύρει τις θρησκείες για να απαγορεύσουμε στον εαυτό μας το σεξ. Σίγουρα όμως θα ήμασταν πιο ευτυχισμένοι αν κάναμε πιο πολύ έρωτα. Η σεξουαλικότητα είναι όπως η όσφρηση, η όραση, η αφή και ό,τι ακρωτηριάζουμε μάς αφαιρεί πιθανότητες να είμαστε ευτυχισμένοι. Ζούμε σε μια εποχή που δίνει πολλή σημασία στη διανόηση. Αλλά αν δεν έχεις καλή σεξουαλική ζωή, δεν μπορείς να σκεφτείς.
Ωραία, και τώρα πρέπει να μου πείτε μια φράση για τον θάνατο.
Κάποιοι συνδέουν το σεξ με τον θάνατο. Ο οργασμός είναι η απόλυτη απώλεια του ελέγχου, το ίδιο λένε και οι μυστικιστές για τον θάνατο. Μόνο που στο σεξ υπάρχει επιστροφή. Και ποιος λέει ότι στον θάνατο δεν υπάρχει;
Πιστεύετε στη μετά θάνατον ζωή;
Δεν το ξέρω. Εγώ είμαι σίγουρος μόνο για το παρόν. Σε κάθε άνθρωπο πάντως θα συμβεί αυτό που σκέφτεται ότι θα του συμβεί.
Αυτοί που πιστεύουν ότι θα τους φάνε τα σκουλήκια θα τους φάνε τα σκουλήκια. Αυτοί που πιστεύουν ότι θα μετενσαρκωθούν θα μετενσαρκωθούν. Η βιολογική ζωή είναι απλώς μια πτυχή της ζωής, τίποτα παραπάνω. Υπάρχει όμως κάτι παραπάνω από αυτό. Μου το είπε ο Κρισναμούρτι, όταν ήμουν 10 χρονών.
Πόσο πρέπει να μας απασχολεί το παρόν, πόσο το μέλλον και πόσο το παρελθόν;
Το μοναδικό για το οποίο μπορείς να έχεις βεβαιότητα είναι το παρόν. Το παρελθόν συνδέεται με τις μνήμες σου. Αλλά οι μνήμες σού λένε ψέματα, γιατί ζούμε βολεύοντας το παρελθόν ώστε να δικαιολογεί αυτό που είμαστε. Το μέλλον δεν υπάρχει, είναι απλώς ένα σχέδιο. Επομένως, είναι καλό να έχουμε αγκυροβολήσει στο παρόν.
Βρήκατε τίποτα ωραίο στην Αθήνα;
Μου άρεσε πολύ. Είχα ξανάρθει πριν από 8 χρόνια. Είναι η πρώτη φορά που ήρθα εδώ ως συγγραφέας και καμαρώνω γι΄ αυτό που συμβαίνει με τα βιβλία μου. Υπήρξαν άνθρωποι που διαγκωνίστηκαν για να μπουν να με ακούσουν. Έστω και αν αυτό έγινε επειδή ήταν δωρεάν, εγώ είμαι γοητευμένος και έκπληκτος. Πήγα στο Μουσείο της Ακρόπολης, περπάτησα λιγάκι στην πόλη.
Η ελληνική κουλτούρα μοιάζει πάρα πολύ με την κουλτούρα που έζησα στο σπίτι των παππούδων μου, που ήταν από τη Μέση Ανατολή. Και η μυρωδιά της πόλης είναι λες και επιστρέφω στο σπίτι μου.
Το τρένο της σοφίας
Η σοφία δεν έχει καμία αντιστοιχία με τις γνώσεις ενός ανθρώπου. Στην πραγματικότητα, σοφία είναι όλα εκείνα που μένουν από τις γνώσεις κάποιου, όταν ο ίδιος αποποιείται όλα αυτά που έχει μάθει. Ξεκινάμε από ένα σταθμό που ονομάζεται άγνοια. Είναι ο σταθμός, στον οποίο μένουν όλοι εκείνοι που ούτε καν γνωρίζουν ότι δεν γνωρίζουν και, επομένως, δεν έχουν καμία ανάγκη να μάθουν. Αν κάποιος αποφασίσει να ανέβει στο τρένο, είναι επειδή κάποιος τού έχει απλώσει το χέρι.
Αν ανέβει στο τρένο και ακολουθήσει τον σωστό δρόμο, θα φτάσει στον τόπο των ερευνητών. Αν το κάνει καλά και δεν χάσει τον δρόμο του, θα φτάσει και στον επόμενο σταθμό. Τον σταθμό των δασκάλων. Κάποιοι από τους δασκάλους αποφασίζουν να διδάξουν, ενώ ορισμένοι θέλουν να μείνουν μόνοι με τις γνώσεις τους. Αν ένας δάσκαλος ζήσει πολλά πράγματα για πολλά χρόνια, ίσως καταφέρει να ανέβει ξανά στο τρένο για να φτάσει στον σταθμό της σοφίας, που είναι ο τελευταίος.
Είναι ο τόπος όπου ζουν όλοι αυτοί που ούτε καν γνωρίζουν ότι γνωρίζουν. Είναι αστείο, αλλά, αν ρωτήσεις έναν πραγματικά σοφό, θα σου απαντήσει «δεν γνωρίζω αν γνωρίζω», όπως ακριβώς θα σου απαντούσε ένας αδαής. Ίσως γι΄ αυτό σε αυτή την κοινωνία που ζούμε θεωρούμε αδαείς κάποιους σοφούς και κάποιους αδαείς τούς θεωρούμε σοφούς.
Οι καλόγεροι, το ποτάμι και ο Βούδας
Μια μέρα ρώτησαν τον Βούδα γιατί δεν συμπαθεί τους καλόγερους. Και εκείνος είπε ότι οι καλόγεροι πουλάνε νερό στις όχθες του ποταμού και αυτό είναι απάτη. Και ήρθε μια επιτροπή καλογέρων και του είπε: «Ξέρουμε ότι πουλάμε νερό στην όχθη του ποταμού, αλλά το κάνουμε ώσπου οι άνθρωποι να αντιληφθούν ότι δεν το χρειάζονται από εμάς και ότι ο Θεός δεν χρειάζεται ενδιάμεσους».
Ο Βούδας γέλασε πολύ και όταν οι καλόγεροι ρώτησαν γιατί γελούσε, απάντησε: «Γιατί αν δε βρισκόσασταν εκεί να πουλάτε νερό, οι άνθρωποι θα αντιλαμβάνονταν πολύ πιο γρήγορα ότι δεν χρειάζονται ενδιάμεσους».
Η συνάντηση με τον Κρισναμούρτι
Ο μεγάλος «δάσκαλος» της ζωής μου ήταν ο Κρισναμούρτι. Τον συνάντησα όταν ήμουν έντεκα χρόνων. Είχε έρθει στο Μπουένος Άιρες. Εγώ είχα μία αγαπημένη θεία, την Τζούλια. Με τον αδελφό μου πήγαινε γήπεδο, με μένα σε μουσεία. Μια μέρα ζήτησε από τη μητέρα μου να με πάει να δω τον Κρισναμούρτι. Η μητέρα μου της είπε ότι ήταν γελοίο, γιατί ήμουν πάρα πολύ μικρός.
Εγώ την παρακάλεσα όχι επειδή με ενδιέφερε ο Κρισναμούρτι- δεν ήξερα ποιος ήταν!- αλλά επειδή ήθελα να πάω βόλτα με τη θεία Τζούλια. Ο Κρισναμούρτι μίλησε λίγο και έπειτα θα απαντούσε σε ερωτήσεις. Τότε είπε: «Κάποιος με ρώτησε χθες τι είναι η ζωή». Ένας στο βάθος σηκώθηκε και είπε «Εγώ». Ο Κρισναμούρτι του είπε «Σου ζήτησα να μου φέρεις δυο φασόλια γίγαντες, μου τα έφερες;».
Και άνοιξε τα χέρια και ζήτησε απ’ τον άντρα να βάλει από ένα φασόλι σε κάθε παλάμη του. Εν συνεχεία απάντησε σε ερωτήσεις για μισή ώρα. Και στο τέλος είπε: «Άφησα για το τέλος την ερώτηση σχετικά με τη ζωή, γιατί είναι η πιο σημαντική. Δεν μπορώ να το πω με λόγια, γιατί η ζωή που ζούμε δεν εξηγείται.
Η ζωή είναι η διαφορά που υπάρχει ανάμεσα σε αυτό το φασόλι» και άνοιξε το δεξί χέρι «και σ΄ αυτό το φασόλι» και άνοιξε το αριστερό χέρι. Το φασόλι που βρισκόταν στο δεξί χέρι είχε πετάξει βλαστάρι. Εγώ έμεινα έκπληκτος.
Μετά ρωτούσα πώς το έκανε. Η ζέστη, η ενέργεια, η υγρασία, αλλά γιατί μόνο στο ένα χέρι; Ποτέ όμως δεν ξέχασα το μήνυμα. Ότι η ζωή υπάρχει, είναι ανάπτυξη και επέκταση του εαυτού μας και εμπεριέχει και ένα μυστήριο.
Οι νευρωτικοί
O οπισθοδρομικός νευρωτικός ζει σκεφτόμενος τι ωραία που θα ήταν αν είχα γεννηθεί αδύνατος, τι ωραία που θα ήταν αν το αφεντικό μου είχε πεθάνει και εγώ είχα προαχθεί… Και οι εμπροσθοδρομικοί νευρωτικοί ζουν με τη σκέψη τι ωραία που θα είναι όταν θα είμαι πλούσιος, τι ωραία που θα είναι όταν μου δώσουν το Πούλιτζερ…
Αλλά, υγεία για εμάς τους ψυχοθεραπευτές της Γκεστάλτ είναι να μπορεί κανείς να νιώθει τι όμορφη που είναι η ζωή του σήμερα. Τι ωραία που είναι να είμαι ζωντανός τώρα!
Ενδιαφέροντα
Η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής – η απόλυτη συνταγή επιτυχίας;
Η μουσική είναι παντού. Υπάρχουν λίγες καταστάσεις και στιγμές στην καθημερινότητά μας στις οποίες η μουσική δεν παίζει σημαντικό ρόλο. Είτε αθλείστε, οδηγείτε, περπατάτε ή ψωνίζετε – αν δεν χρησιμοποιούμε τα ακουστικά μας μόνοι μας, η μουσική υπόκρουση παίζει εξωτερικά. Η μουσική είναι ο παλμός κάθε πάρτι, όπου η επιλογή της λίστας αναπαραγωγής μπορεί να δώσει τον τόνο για ολόκληρη την εκδήλωση. Από έξω, η μουσική βιομηχανία μπορεί να φαίνεται διαφορετική, με αστέρια όπως ο Drake, η Lady Gaga ή οι Coldplay να γίνονται πρωτοσέλιδα κάθε μέρα. Και όμως, μια πιο προσεκτική ματιά δείχνει ότι αυτό δεν συνέβαινε πάντα και ότι η ποικιλομορφία στον κόσμο της μουσικής μπόρεσε πραγματικά να καθιερωθεί μόνο τα τελευταία χρόνια. Χάρη στο Spotify and Co., η μουσική είναι πάντα κοντά μας και προσβάσιμη από οπουδήποτε. Γιατί όμως μας αρέσει ακριβώς η ποικιλόμορφη πλευρά της μουσικής και γιατί είναι τόσο σημαντική η διαφοροποίηση;
Η μουσική δεν είναι περιχαρακωμένη
Η μουσική δεν είναι μόνο διασκεδαστική, έχει επίσης πολλά οφέλη και μας βοηθά να αναπτυχθούμε και να αναπτυχθούμε. Η μουσική παίζει ιδιαίτερο ρόλο, ειδικά όσον αφορά τα συναισθήματα και τις διαθέσεις. Μέσα από τη διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής, τελειώνει η περιχαράκωση. Διαφορετικά συναισθήματα και συναισθήματα μπορούν να μεταδοθούν μέσω της μουσικής. Η μουσική είναι φτιαγμένη για όλους και δεν σκέφτεται σε ομάδες. Αλλά ακόμη και αυτή η εξέλιξη συνεχίζεται, επειδή οι παραγωγοί εξακολουθούν να αναφέρουν ότι αποκλείονται από ορισμένους τομείς της μουσικής βιομηχανίας λόγω υποθέσεων με βάση την εθνικότητά τους.
Η μουσική είναι μια παγκόσμια γλώσσα που όλοι μπορούν να καταλάβουν. Συνδέει ηπείρους και ξεπερνά αποστάσεις και πολιτισμούς. Φτάνει στα βάθη των ανθρώπων μοιράζοντας ένα συναίσθημα, μια εμπειρία, μια ιδέα που πυροδοτεί μια εσωτερική κίνηση. Και αυτός ακριβώς είναι ο στόχος, η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής.
Μουσική που σπάει με τη φόρμα
Μια συνταγή επιτυχίας στον κόσμο της μουσικής είναι να ρισκάρεις τη μουσική. Οι ερμηνευτές και οι καλλιτέχνες που είναι διαφορετικοί φαίνονται όλο και πιο επιτυχημένοι. Όσοι τολμούν να επανεφεύρουν τον εαυτό τους και τον κόσμο της μουσικής γίνονται όλο και πιο δημοφιλείς.
Μια ποικιλόμορφη κοινωνία
Η σημασία της διαφοροποίησης της μουσικής φαίνεται και από την εξέλιξη της κοινωνίας τα τελευταία χρόνια. Θέματα που γίνονται όλο και πιο παρόντα βρίσκονται επίσης όλο και περισσότερο στον κόσμο της μουσικής. Αστέρια όπως η Demi Lovato βγαίνουν ως μη δυαδικά και η Billie Eilish ενσαρκώνει επίσης τα φωτεινά χρώματα της κοινωνίας. Και με επιτυχία: χάρη σε αυτή τη μουσική , οι άνθρωποι αισθάνονται κατανοητοί και με αυτόν τον τρόπο δημιουργείται ένα μέρος όπου ο καθένας μπορεί να είναι όπως θέλει.
Μουσική στο iGaming
Το πόσο διαδεδομένη είναι η μουσική δείχνει το ερώτημα: Πού δεν είναι η μουσική; Σχεδόν κανένας τομέας της ζωής μας δεν μπορεί να φανταστεί κανείς χωρίς μουσική. Ακόμη και στον κόσμο των βίντεο κουλοχέρηδων αμέτρητων βιβλιοθηκών τυχερών παιχνιδιών, η μουσική είναι ένα ουσιαστικό συστατικό. Ενώ υπάρχουν κουλοχέρηδες με θέμα τη μουσική, όπως το Music Stage, σε άλλα παιχνίδια η μουσική είναι ένα σημαντικό υπόβαθρο και παρέχει ενθουσιασμό και επιπλέον αδρεναλίνη. Η μουσική παρέχει επίσης τη σωστή αίσθηση στις ζωντανές στοές.
Χάρη στη μουσική
Έτσι, στο τέλος είναι απαραίτητο μόνο να ευχαριστήσουμε τη μουσική. Για τα συναισθήματα που νιώθουμε χάρη σε εκείνη και τις καταστάσεις που την κάνουν πολύ πιο έντονη. Τι θα ήμασταν χωρίς τη μουσική;
Ενδιαφέροντα
Mανούλες σταματήστε να αυτοθυσιάζεστε για τα παιδάκια σας τα καταστρέφετε.
Στο’ πα και στο ξαναλέω πως κάπου εκεί στις οδηγίες χρήσης ενός τεστ εγκυμοσύνης που αναφέρεται… «Αν εμφανιστούν οι μπλε γραμμούλες.. δηλαδή αν είστε έγκυος.. επισκεφτείτε τον γυναικολόγο σας» θα έπρεπε να υπήρχε υποσημείωση… επισκεφτείτε και τον ψυχολόγο σας!!
Δεν μπορείς να ακούς μα ούτε και να εξηγήσεις πως ο πιο σημαντικός άνθρωπος στην ζωή σου, η ίδια σου η μάνα, που σε ‘φερε στην ζωή, που θυσιάστηκε και θυσιάζεται για να ‘σαι συ καλά, που έκανε στην άκρη όλη της τη ζωή να μπει η δική σου μπροστά, πως εκείνη; πως μπορεί εκείνη να ναι η πηγή της δυστυχία σου. Δεν το χωρά ο νους σου και ούτε να το ακούς δεν θες….
Μα αυτή η αυταπάρνηση της μανούλας σου θα κάνει με τόση μαεστρία την δική σου την ψυχούλα να γεμίζει τύψεις και ενοχές κάθε που θα σηκώσεις κεφάλι από τα πρώτα σου χρόνια… γιατί η μαμά επειδή σε αγαπάει τα κάνει όλα δεν την λυπάσαι; Κάνε αυτό που σου λέει αμέσως… Κοίτα, κοιτά πόσο την ταλαιπωρείς, κοιτά αναίσθητο παιδί που δεν καταλαβαίνεις πως όλα για σένα γίνονται.
Και έτσι εσύ καημένο μου παιδάκι και εγωκεντρικό γίνεσαι και υποτακτικό σε πάσα μορφή εξουσίας. Και στην αγάπη αρχίζεις να αισθάνεσαι υπόχρεος γιατί κάποιος κόβει κάτι από κείνον για να το δώσει σε σένα, δεν υπάρχει εκεί μονό για σένα και αναρωτιέσαι, άραγε την αξίζεις αυτή την αγάπη, άραγε υπάρχει πραγματικά κάτι μονό για μένα;;
Θυσιάζομαι για σένα λέει η μανούλα που πρέπει με το που θα μάθει πως θα σε φέρει στον κόσμο να ψυχαναλυθεί!
Να βρει το νόημα της δικής της ζωής να μην το γυρέψει μέσα από την δική σου την ζωή γιατί αλίμονο σου…
Δεν θα μάθεις ποτέ ποιος πραγματικά είσαι αφού θα μεγαλώνεις με τέτοιο τρόπο ώστε να ικανοποιήσεις αυτό που θα θελε να ναι η ίδια σου η μανούλα, θα σε φτιάξει έτσι ώστε να γίνεις αυτό που ‘θελε εκείνη και θα το δουλέψει πολύ από τότε που θα πας στα πρώτα σου σχολεία και αν εσύ αντισταθείς γιατί κάτι μέσα σου κλωτσήσει και δεν σου κάνει ετούτο το κουστούμι θα ακούσεις πως όλα γίνονται για το καλό σου και πως αυτό πρέπει να γίνει γιατί η μαμά κάνει αγώνα μεγάλο για να σου παρέχει όλα αυτά που εσύ πετάς και λες πως δεν τα θες κακομαθημένο!
Αγενέστατο παιδί και αχάριστο…. που δεν αναγνωρίζεις τίποτα…
Κοίτα με πόση δεξιοτεχνία, πόσο ύπουλα και χωρίς να το καταλάβεις, εσύ είσαι το πρόβλημα, εσύ έχεις τα προβλήματα που δεν καταλαβαίνεις τι είναι όλο αυτό που στήθηκε για σένα χωρίς εσένα;;
Γιατί ποιος είσαι εσύ άλλωστε…. Ποτέ σου δεν θα μάθεις.. Μόνο αν κάποια στιγμή τα καταθλιπτικά συμπτώματα ή το άγχος σε οδηγήσουν στον ψυχαναλυτή!
Και πάλι θα σου πάρει λίγο χρόνο πουλάκι μου μα την στιγμή που θα ανακαλύψεις ποιος είσαι θα ναι σαν σου κόλλησαν δυο φτερά στην πλάτη σαν αυτά που χουν οι άγγελοι και θα σαι ελεύθερος πια να πετάς.. θα είσαι εσύ ο γνήσιος και μοναδικός εαυτός σου και θα μπορείς να πετάς, να ανάπνεες και να απολαμβάνεις !
Την ζωή που σου ανήκει και που εσύ θα δημιουργήσεις.
Μπαρκάτσα Άρια, Ψυχολόγος
Ενδιαφέροντα
Όσα δώσεις στο παιδί σου μέχρι τα 6, καθορίζουν την υπόλοιπη ζωή του!
Έρευνες, μελέτες και σιγά σιγά η εμπειρία των προηγούμενων γενεών πιστοποιούν πια πως τα 6 πρώτα χρόνια ζωής ενός παιδιού προδιαγράφουν το μέλλον του.
Η υγιεινή διατροφή, τα πλούσια ερεθίσματα αλλά κυρίως η αγάπη των γονιών, ειδικά σε αυτά τα σημαντικά 6 χρόνια της ζωής, είναι ικανά ακόμα και να απενεργοποιήσουν τα γονίδια εκείνα που σχετίζονται με κάθε είδους ασθένεια, σωματική ή ψυχική. Τα νέα στοιχεία, κάνουν σκόνη την θεωρία που θέλει τα γονίδιά μας να είναι αυτά που κάνουν καθολικό κουμάντο. Τώρα ξέρουμε πως το περιβάλλον και ο τρόπος που μεγαλώνουμε είναι αυτά που μπορούν να επηρεάσουν τη ζωή μας. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει πως τα γονίδια δεν παίζουν το ρόλο τους, δεν ορίζουν όμως μόνο αυτά τη εξέλιξη της προσωπικότητάς μας.
Όπως και να έχει, το βασικό είναι πως επιβεβαιώνεται αυτό που όλοι υποψιαζόμασταν: πως η προσοχή, η αγάπη και η φροντίδα που δίνουμε σε ένα παιδί από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του καθορίζει σε τεράστιο βαθμό τη ζωή τους και ουσιαστικά αποτελεί ένα σημαντικό κληροδότημά μας προς εκείνα.
Στα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του το παιδί είναι όπως το μαλακό κερί, όπως το μαργαριτάρι, όπως η ζωγραφική, όπως η κατασκευή των αγαλμάτων. Κατ’ επέκτασιν, οι γονείς γίνονται ζωγράφοι, καλλιτέχνες, αγαλματοποιοί και κατασκευάζουν αυριανούς ανθρώπους.
Παλαιότερα τα παιδιά αντιμετωπίζονταν ή αδιάφορα ή στην καλύτερη περίπτωση ως μικρογραφία ενήλικα. Στην πορεία, άρχισε να αντιμετωπίζεται με μεγάλη προσοχή, γιατί το σημερινό παιδί είναι ο πρόδρομος του αυριανού ενήλικα. Το ψυχικά υγιές παιδί έχει πολύ περισσότερες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας υγιής ενήλικας. Αντίστοιχα, το κακοποιημένο και τραυματισμένο παιδί έχει μεγάλες πιθανότητες να είναι αύριο ένας προβληματικός, αντικοινωνικός και παραβατικός ενήλικας. Η ανατροφή και η διαπαιδαγώγηση του παιδιού από τα πρώτα χρόνια της ζωής του είναι μια υπερβολικά υπεύθυνη, επίπονη, χρονοβόρα και δύσκολη διαδικασία η οποία απαιτεί την ευαισθητοποίηση των γονέων, την αυταπάρνησή τους και την υπομονή τους. Πέρα από το ότι ολοκληρώνει τη μητέρα και τον πατέρα ως άτομα, προδιαγράφει τις σχέσεις των ανθρώπων του αύριο.
Ο πιο εκδηλωτικός τρόπος να μεταδώσουμε την αγάπη μας στο παιδί είναι η σωματική επικοινωνία. Κι όταν λέμε σωματική επικοινωνία, εννοούμε ένα χάιδεμα, ένα αγκάλιασμα, το ενθαρρυντικό χτύπημα στην πλάτη ή και ένα απλό άγγιγμα του παιδιού. Το παιδί που μεγαλώνει σε ένα σπίτι όπου οι γονείς χρησιμοποιούν την οπτική και σωματική επικοινωνία, αισθάνεται άνετα με τον εαυτό του και με τους άλλους, και συνεπώς, θα είναι αγαπητό και θα έχει αυτοσεβασμό. Κατ’ αυτό τον τρόπο το παιδί μπορεί να γεμίσει το συναισθηματικό του δοχείο. Επίσης, η συμμετοχή του πατέρα στη φροντίδα του παιδιού και η συναισθηματική στήριξη στη σύζυγό του ενισχύει σημαντικά τη συζυγική και οικογενειακή αρμονία, ενισχύοντας τους δεσμούς τόσο με το παιδί όσο και με τη σύντροφό του.
“Ιδανικοί” γονείς θεωρούνται, όσοι συνδυάζουν την έκδηλη στοργή και την ενθάρρυνση για αυτονομία. «Το πολύ μικρό παιδί μπορεί να έχει ανάγκη από τη συνεχή φροντίδα, όσο μεγαλώνει όμως, ο γονιός οφείλει να το απελευθερώνει σιγά – σιγά, χωρίς να διακόπτεται η αμοιβαία αγάπη και να το οδηγεί στη συναισθηματική και πνευματική ανεξαρτησία. Η γονεϊκή αγάπη που πνίγει τα παιδιά, τη στιγμή που αυτά έχουν ανάγκη να βγουν εξω από την οικογενειακή “φωλιά”, μοιάζει με τα δέντρα που φυτεύουμε, για να προστατεύσουμε το σπίτι από τον ήλιο και που, τελικά, μεγαλώνουν τόσο πολύ και ευδοκιμούν τόσο, ώστε πρέπει να τα κλαδέψουμε, αν δεν θέλουμε να πεθάνουμε από ασφυξία».
Όσα κάνουμε, όσα λέμε, από ένα απλό νανούρισμα, μέχρι ένα χαδί, από ένα «μη» μέχρι ένα «μπράβο» στο πρώτο δειλό βήμα, καταγράφονται στο μυαλό και την ψυχή του παιδιού. Και παρόλο που ως ενήλικες αδυνατούμε να χρησιμοποιήσουμε σε συνειδητό επίπεδο όλες τις πληροφορίες εκείνες που συλλέξαμε στην πρώιμη παιδική ηλικία, αυτές οι μνήμες είναι υπαρκτές και ασκούν πάνω μας επιρροή σε ασυνείδητο επίπεδο.
Γι’ αυτό οφείλουμε σαν γονείς να γεμίσουμε τον κόσμο του τόσο μικρού αυτού ανθρώπου με όμορφες εικόνες και τρυφερά συναισθήματα, ώστε όταν έρθει ο καιρός να «ανασύρει» όλο αυτό του υλικό για να προχωρήσει, να «βρει» στοιχεία που θα τον κάνουν έναν μαχητή της ζωής και όχι ένα φερέφωνο των γονεικών προσδοκιών.
Η διαφοροποίηση της μουσικής – η απόλυτη συνταγή επιτυχίας;
Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου
Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»
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