Σχέσεις
Εκείνος που θα έρθει να ρίξει λάδι στη φωτιά σου…
Της Σοφίας Παπαηλιάδου.
Θέλω να σου μιλήσω και να με ακούσεις.
Κάθε φορά που μου μιλάς για έναν ακόμα που πέρασε από την ζωή σου και δεν άντεξε να μείνει, κάθε φορά που τον λες «λίγο» ή μαλάκα, εγώ θέλω να σου πω..
Δεν ανήκεις στην κατηγορία εκείνων των γυναικών που αναζήτησαν την βολή και την «χορηγεία» κάποιου.
Δεν ανήκεις στην κατηγορία εκείνων των γυναικών που τρόμαξαν μπροστά στο μαύρο που τις έλουσε η ζωή τους κάποια στιγμή.
Έριξες κόκκινο στην νύχτα και προχώρησες..
Είσαι τόσο σκληρή όσο ένα διαμάντι. Δε χρειάζεται να το αρνείσαι. Δε χρειάζεται να προσποιείσαι πως δεν είσαι.
Είσαι αυτό το είδος γυναίκας κι όσο κι αν προσπαθήσεις να το κρύψεις, δεν μπορείς. Σε προδίδει η χαοτική ομορφιά σου.
Ξέρω πώς έχεις μαζέψει πολλές φορές τα κομμάτια σου και κάθε φορά μένεις με την ίδια απορία. Γιατί να μην λειτουργήσει.
Η απάντηση είναι πιο απλή απ’ ότι φαντάζεσαι.
Αυτό που ψάχνεις στην ζωή σου δεν είναι έναν ακόμα άντρα. Μια ακόμα σχέση. Άλλη μια από τις πολλές. Δεν χρειάζεσαι τίποτα από αυτά.
Χρειάζεσαι έναν συμπολεμιστή.. έναν σύμμαχο στο φως και στο σκοτάδι σου.
Δεν έχει σημασία τι θα οδηγεί. Δεν σε ένοιαξε ποτέ. Και δεν σε νοιάζει το περιτύλιγμα. Μπορεί να μην ρωτήσεις καν τι δουλειά κάνει.
Αυτό που θα σε νοιάζει όμως, αυτό που θα κοιτάξεις, είναι πως όταν θα παίζει την καρδιά σου στα ζάρια, θα το κάνει παίζοντάς τα όλα για όλα. Μέχρι το τέρμα.
Εκείνος, θα λατρεύει την δύναμή σου και την έντασή σου. Θα σε κοιτάει και δεν θα προσπαθεί να σε μικρύνει για να σε δαμάσει αλλά θα θαυμάζει αυτό που έχει μπροστά του.
Δεν θα είναι ποτέ κάποιος που θα μπορείς να χειριστείς και να διαχειριστείς. Δεν θα μπορέσεις να παίξεις μαζί του όπως έκανες με τόσους άλλους στο παρελθόν. Ούτε καν θα το προσπαθήσεις ποτέ.
Τα πολλά παιχνιδάκια και οι λίστες how to… δεν θα μπορέσουν να πιάσουν μία μπροστά του.
Κι αυτό γιατί και για εκείνον, δεν θα είσαι άλλη μια. Θα είσαι η σύμμαχος στο έγκλημά του.
Αυτό που είσαι.. το πολλές φορές σκληρό κι άλλες άγριο κομμάτι σου, μπορεί να τον καθηλώνει αλλά αντίθετα με άλλους, δεν σε φοβάται. Δεν τον τρομάζεις. Όχι αυτή τη φορά.
Και τότε θα ξέρεις πως έχεις βρει εκείνον.
Γιατί δυστυχώς ή ευτυχώς, ένας άντρας ανάμεσα σε πολλούς δεν μπορεί να σε κερδίσει.
Θες κάποιον να ταιριάξει την φωτιά μέσα σου με την δικιά του. Δεν θες να καθυσηχάσει τίποτα μέσα σου. Δεν θες να το κοιμίσει.
Θες εκείνον που θα ρίξει λάδι στην φωτιά σου και θα χορέψει μαζί σου πάνω στις φλόγες.
Γιατί για εσένα, αυτός είναι ο ένας. Ο μόνος. Και σε αυτή την φωτιά δεν σε νοιάζει να καείς.
Μπορεί να μην χρειάζεται να παλέψει με δράκους και δαιμόνια για να σε κερδίσει και να σε έχει, αλλά θα ξέρεις πως για ένα χαμόγελό σου θα τα έκανε όλα. Ξανά και ξανά. Γιατί κι εκείνος ξέρει, πως το χαμόγελό σου, υπάρχει μόνο γι’αυτόν.
Το θέμα είναι, πως εκεί έξω, σε αυτή την ζούγκλα, κι αυτός ψάχνει για εσένα.
Κι αυτός βαρέθηκε να ζει σχέσεις που τελειώνουν με την απορία του μήπως τελικά το γραφτό του είναι η μοναξιά. Κι εσύ μπαίνεις για να τα αλλάξει όλα αυτά.
Ταξιδεύετε κι οι δυο, πατώντας σε διαφορετικές διαδρομές, με διαφορετικά μέσα, με διαφορετικούς προορισμούς και μπορεί να περνάτε και καλά σε όλο αυτό το ταξίδι. Όμως όλο αυτό είναι απλά ο τρόπος που θα συναντηθείτε.
Γιατί πρέπει να ξέρεις, πως όταν δυο σύμμαχοι του εγκλήματος που λέγεται ζωή συναντηθούν, τότε τίποτα δεν μπορεί να τους σταματήσει. Δεν υπάρχουν εμπόδια. Υπάρχει μόνο φωτιά.
Κι από αυτό, μην δοκιμάσεις ποτέ να τρέξεις μακριά. Μπορεί να έσπασες σε κομμάτια πολλές φορές. Μπορεί να μην έχεις μάθει πως είναι μια σχέση που τελικά τα καταφέρνει. Όμως σε αυτό, θα πρέπει να δώσεις το χώρο σου, το χρόνο σου και τον εαυτό σου ολόκληρο.
Χωρίς στεγανά.
Κι εκείνος, ψάχνει σε εσένα να πιστέψει για μια φορά πως θα βρει εκείνη που δεν θα τρομάξει από τα σκοτάδια του. Που την ώρα που εκείνος θα ζητάει για γίνει φτερό στον άνεμο, εκείνη θα γίνει ο ίδιος ο άνεμος που θα τον ταξιδέψει. Θα είναι εκείνη που θα μπει στον κόσμο του όχι για να τον ισοπεδώσει και να τον φέρει στα μέτρα της αλλά για να σταθεί δίπλα του όσο θα χτίζει έναν κόσμο. Έναν κόσμο για τους δυο τους.
Δεν περιμένει από εσένα να τον ακολουθείς σε όλες του τις μάχες. Δεν περιμένει να αλλάξεις για εκείνον. Δεν περιμένει να γίνεις η γατούλα που άλλοι θα ήθελαν. Δεν θα σε αγαπήσει γι’αυτό που θα μπορούσες να είσαι αλλά γι’αυτό που είσαι.
Δεν θα προσπαθήσει να επουλώσει τα σημάδια σου.
Θα τα αγαπήσει ένα ένα.
Θα τα λατρέψει και θα δει την ομορφιά μέσα τους.
Θα μπείτε σε αυτό το παιχνίδι μαζί. Και θα παίξετε το παιχνίδι χωρίς τακτική. Χωρίς πρόγραμμα. Με οδηγό το ένστικτό σας.
Γιατί ένας συμπολεμιστής, ψάχνει μια σύμμαχο. Και εσύ ξέρεις να του δείξεις τι είναι η αγάπη. Τι είναι ο έρωτας.
Γι’αυτό βάλε σε μια κούτα τις ανασφάλειές σου, κατέβασε τους τοίχους που τόσο επιμελώς χτίζεις γύρω σου, γιατί ούτως ή άλλως, δεν ήσουν ποτέ εσύ αυτή.
Βρέθηκες σε αυτή τη στιγμή, ξέροντας πως η μοίρα σου, σου έχει γράψει αυτή τη συνάντηση. Γιατί τα όνειρα δεν είναι για να τα κάνεις μόνο αλλά για να τα διεκδικείς και να τα ζεις.
Γι’αυτό μάζεψε κι αυτή τη φορά τα κομμάτια σου.
Βάλτα στην θέση τους σιγά σιγά και προχώρα παρακάτω.
Εκεί στο παρακάτω, βρίσκεται κάποιος και σε ψάχνει.
Σχέσεις
Όσο αφήνεις το παρελθόν να σε στοιχειώνει, τόσο λιγότερο θα απολαμβάνεις τη ζωή σου
Όταν σκεφτόμαστε συνεχώς πράγματα από το παρελθόν μας, είτε αναπολώντας τα, είτε αναθεωρώντας τα, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε μία παγίδα που μας κρατάει πίσω. Δεν δίνουμε αξία στο παρόν μας και έτσι δεν μπορούμε να χαρούμε τις εμπειρίες που βιώνουμε καθημερινά.
Η ζωή δεν είναι ένα ημερολόγιο γεγονότων που χρειάζεται ξεφύλλισμα από έναν παθητικό αναγνώστη, αλλά μία αρένα δραστηριοτήτων που πάντα έχει κάτι να μας τραβήξει το ενδιαφέρον. Το βέλος της ζωής δεν δείχνει ποτέ προς τα πίσω, δείχνει πάντα μπροστά.Έτσι, είναι ανώφελο κάποιος να κολλάει τη σκέψη του στο παρελθόν ή στο μέλλον σα να μην υπάρχει το “εδώ” και το “τώρα”.
Φυσικά, οι αναμνήσεις είναι εγγενές μέρος της ζωής και συχνά αναπόφευκτες. Είναι ένας τρόπος να μένουμε κοντά στα πρόσωπα που αγαπάμε και σε όσα είμαστε παθιασμένοι. Είναι το συστατικό της προσωπικής μας ταυτότητας και του χαρακτήρα μας. Είναι οι ρίζες βαθιά μέσα στον πυρήνα του εαυτού μας.
“Τό χθες δεν είναι τίποτα περισσότερο από την ανάμνηση του σήμερα, και τo αύριο, τo όνειρο του σήμερα”
-Kahlil Gibran-
Οι μνήμες είναι συχνά κάτι το απατηλό μιας και είναι φτιατσιδωμένες από τα γεγονότα του παρόντος και έτσι πέφτουν στη φάκα του νου. Η διαφορά ανάμεσα στις ψεύτικες και τις γνήσιες αναμνήσεις μοιάζει με τον τρόπο που ξεχωρίζουν τα φο-μπιζού από τα πραγματικά κοσμήματα, τα φο-μπιζού μοιάζουν αληθινά επειδή αστράφτουν πιο έντονα.
Η μνήμη μοιάζει με ένα όχι τόσο έξυπνο σκύλο που όταν του πετάξεις ένα ραβδί θα σου φέρει ένα διαφορετικό που βρίσκεται πιο δίπλα.
“Να ζείτε την κάθε μέρα της ζωής σας”
Η ζωή θα ήταν αδύνατη αν θυμόμασταν όλα όσα μας έχουν συμβεί
Ο Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν σε μία συνέντευξή του στο παρελθόν είχε ερωτηθεί τι κάνει όταν του έρχεται μία νέα ιδέα. Αν για παράδειγμα την καταγράφει σε ένα χαρτί ή σε κάποιο συγκεκριμένο σημειωματάριο. Απάντησε αποφασιστικά πως «Όταν έχω μια νέα καταπληκτική ιδέα, δεν τη ξεχνώ εύκολα». Και αυτή είναι η αλήθεια. Όταν κάτι μας συγκινεί σχεδόν αδύνατο να το ξεχάσουμε.
Έτσι, θυμόμαστε όσα είναι πραγματικά σημαντικά για μας και μας συναρπάζουν, γιατί ενεργοποιούνται οι περιοχές και οι νευρωνικές συνδέσεις του εγκεφάλου που είναι υπεύθυνες για τη διατήρηση αυτής της μνήμης.
Το πρόβλημα ανακύπτει όταν ο εγκέφαλος διατηρεί έντονα αναμνήσεις που θα πρέπει να ξεχάσουμε, γιατί δεν μας κάνουν καλό. Και ακριβώς αυτή η σήμανση συγκεκριμένων αναμνήσεων που επιθυμούμε να σβήσουμε είναι ο μηχανισμός που τις κρατά ζωντανές στο μυαλό μας.
Όπως πρεσβεύει και η μέθοδος της αντίστροφης ψυχολογίας, η διαδικασία της λήθης ξεκινά όταν αντίστοιχες καινούργιες μνήμες αντικαθιστούν τις παλιές μη επιθυμητές. Έτσι στο τέλος, όταν το μυαλό ανακτά μνήμες του παρελθόντος, έχει κάτι πιο φρέσκο να φέρει μπροστά μας!
“Πρέπει να ζουμε στο παρόν, να αναβαθμίζουμε τον εαυτό μας σε κάθε ευκαιρία που παρουσιάζεται μπροστά μας, να κερδίζουμε την αιωνιότητα κάθε στιγμή. Μόνο οι ανόητοι κάθονται στο νησί που κρύβει το θησαυρό κοιτώντας από μακριά άλλες παραλίες. Όπως δεν υπάρχουν άλλα νησιά για μας, έτσι υπάρχει μόνο μία ζωή που καλούμαστε να ζήσουμε.”
Η ανάμνηση μοιάζει με άρωμα που κρατά για πολύ
Οι απολαύσεις είναι λουλούδια που ανθίζουν όταν ζούμε τη ζωή μας, την παίρνουμε στα χέρια μας και τη γευόμαστε. Οι ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις είναι εκείνες που συνέβησαν τις στιγμές που έπρεπε και που δεν ξεχείλωσαν πέρα από τα όριά τους μη αφήνοντας να γευτούμε καινούργιες στιγμές.
Δεν θυμόμαστε γεγονότα στην ολότητά τους παρά μόνο συγκεκριμένες στιγμές, γι’ αυτό λοιπόν θα πρέπει να έχουμε βιώματα και εμπειρίες ξανά και ξανά. Ο πλούτος της ζωής βρίσκεται στις αναμνήσεις που συνεχίζουμε να κάνουμε και επιλέγουμε να κρατάμε. Μερικές φορές είναι δύσκολο να τολμήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες, ειδικά αν είμαστε κολλημένοι και περιχαρακωμένοι στη ζώνη άνεσης μας. Ωστόσο, αν θέλουμε να έχουμε ευχάριστες αναμνήσεις θα πρέπει να ζούμε μία έντονη ζωή.
Μολονότι, έχουμε ένα απτό και ικανό φυσικό σώμα και με τις αισθήσεις μας μπορούμε να έρθουμε σε επαφή με το εξωτερικό κόσμο και να τον καθορίσουμε όπως θέλουμε, εγκλωβιζόμαστε σε όσα μας λέει το μυαλό μας και η εσωτερική μας φωνή. Παρ’ όλο αυτό, θα πρέπει να πάρουμε μια απόφαση. Είτε Θα περάσουμε τη ζωή μας αναμασώντας όσα μας συνέβησαν στο παρελθόν και ενθυμούμενοι τις άσχημες εμπειρίες που είχαμε, είτε θα πάρουμε τον έλεγχο της ζωής μας, θα ζήσουμε νέες εμπειρίες και φυσικά θα ελέγξουμε τα συναισθήματά μας. Μόνο αν τολμήσουμε κάτι τέτοιο, θα μπορέσουμε να απολαύσουμε την ύπαρξή μας.
Το κλειδί για να βιώνουμε περισσότερο είναι να σκεφτόμαστε και να αναπολούμε το παρελθόν λιγότερο και να περιορίζουμε τις προσδοκίες που περιμένουμε να υλοποιηθούν στο μέλλον. Να αποδεχτούμε αυτά που έχουμε στο εδώ και στο τώρα και τίποτα περισσότερο. Να ζούμε τις στιγμές μας εμποδίζοντας τους εαυτούς μας να αποπροσανατολιστούν από τις παγίδες που βάζει το μυαλό.
Εν τέλει, ο προορισμός μας είναι να ζήσουμε, όμως καταλήγουμε να ζούμε ελάχιστα. Είναι η ώρα να αντιστρέψουμε αυτόν τον κανόνα. Η ευτυχία δεν βρίσκεται σε άλλο τόπο και χρόνο, αλλά στο παρόν στο εδώ και στο τώρα. θυμάστε πάντα.
Πηγές: share24.gr / Spirit Alive Εικόνα: Johnny Palacios Hidalgo paint
Σχέσεις
Τάσος Λειβαδίτης: «Μάθε να αγαπάς αυτούς που δεν πληγώνουν την αγάπη»
Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από τα δύσκολα. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που σε πλήγωναν εύκολα, που δεν δίσταζαν να σου πουν όχι, που δεν σε φρόντιζαν όσο θα ήθελες. Έμαθες να έλκεσαι από ανθρώπους που ενώ γνώριζες ότι δεν είσαι ευτυχισμένος, ευτυχισμένη, παρέμενες και το ονόμαζες σχέση.
Παλιά έλεγες ότι αξίζεις περισσότερα, σταδιακά όμως σταμάτησες να το λες. Τον ξέχασες τον εαυτό σου. Δικαιολογούσες όλες τις συμπεριφορές των άλλων. Έμαθες να εφευρίσκεις δικαιολογίες για όλες τις συμπεριφορές, για όλα τα λόγια, για αυτά που σε πλήγωναν. Έμαθες να λες ότι γίνεσαι πιο δυνατός, πιο δυνατή έτσι.
Έμαθες να προσπαθείς να σώσεις, ακόμα και αυτά που δεν σώζονται. Προσπαθούσες για χρόνια να πείσεις τον εαυτό σου ότι έτσι είναι οι σχέσεις. Δύσκολες, πρέπει πάντα να καταλαβαίνεις τον άλλον, απαιτούν μόνιμα συμβιβασμούς και μόνιμα έπρεπε να προσφέρεις εσύ.
Να σου πω όμως κάτι; Δεν είναι έτσι οι σχέσεις. Έμαθες να αγαπάς όσους πληγώνουν την αγάπη, όσους πλήγωναν εσένα. Ονόμαζες το λίγο πολύ και πάντα δικαιολογούσες. Πάντα έλεγες ότι καταλαβαίνεις τους άλλους και ότι στην αγάπη πρέπει πάντα να ακούμε. Να σου πω όμως κάτι;
Δεν είναι αυτό αγάπη. Στην αγάπη προσφέρουν και οι δύο, νιώθουν και οι δύο, ακούνε και οι δύο, φροντίζουν και θαυμάζουν και οι δύο, ρωτάνε και οι δύο, ενδιαφέρονται και οι δύο, είναι παρόντες και οι δύο, επιδιώκουν και οι δύο, προσφέρουν και οι δύο, θέλουν τη σχέση έμπρακτα και οι δύο.
Δεν πληγώνουν. Δεν μειώνουν. Δεν παραμελούν. Δεν αγνοούν. Δείχνουν, με λίγα ή με πολλά, δεν έχει σημασία. Σέβονται. Και είναι τόσο όμορφο να σε σέβονται, να σε θαυμάζουν, να σου λένε πόσο όμορφος είσαι ή πόσο όμορφο είναι αυτό που έφτιαξες.
Σταμάτησε να δικαιολογείς και να αρκείσαι στα λίγα. Φρόντισε τον εαυτό σου και αγάπησέ τον μέσα από τις επιλογές σου. Μην περιμένεις μία γιορτή για να σου δείξει ο άλλος αν σε αγαπάει. Αγάπη σημαίνει να σου δείχνω καθημερινά ότι αξίζω εγώ να είμαι δίπλα σου.
Ελένη Σολταρίδου – enallaktikidrasi.com
Σχέσεις
Δε κλαίω γιατί είμαι αδύναμος! Κλαίω γιατί είμαι ζωντανός!
Ναι κλαίω. Κλαίω γιατί δεν είναι «ντροπή», επειδή δεν «εκτίθεμαι» όταν το κάνω όπως εσύ υποστηρίζεις. Κλαίω γιατί τα χω καλά με τον εαυτό μου κι έχω μάθει να μην τον καταπιέζω μόνο και μόνο για να μπορώ να εντάσσομαι στην κάθε κοινωνική νόρμα που θέλει τους «δυνατούς» αναίσθητους.
Κλαίω γιατί δεν είμαι αναίσθητος και επιλέγω να μην μηδενίζω τον ανθρώπινο συναισθηματισμό και την πηγαία δύναμη ξεσπάσματος που έχω μέσα μου και που όσο κι αν εσένα σου φαίνεται περίεργο, θέλει πολλά κουράγια να καταφέρεις να βγάλεις προς τα έξω.
Γιατί όταν αυτή η δύναμη απελευθερώνεται μένει εκεί για να σε ξυπνήσει, να σε κινητοποιήσει και να κατευθύνει την συνείδησή σου εκεί που έχεις ξεχάσει πώς να πάς.
Εκεί που είσαι άνθρωπος και εκφράζεσαι με ειλικρίνεια και θάρρος, όχι απέναντι στους άλλους αλλά απέναντι στον ίδιο σου τον εαυτό.
Εκεί που κοιτάς κατάματα την ψυχή σου και της ζητάς παραπονεμένα το λόγο που σ’ αφήνει να ζεις όπως σου λένε οι άλλοι. Εκεί που ο πόνος, η συγκίνηση, η αγανάκτηση , η χαρά είναι και πάλι μέρος του εαυτού σου κι όχι απαγορευμένες, ξεχασμένες καταστάσεις του είναι σου.
Και ναι έφτασα εκεί. Και ήταν δύσκολο να αντιμετωπίσω τον εαυτό μου, μάλλον, ήταν δύσκολο να τον βρω γιατί συνεχώς τον έχανα ψάχνοντάς τον πίσω από καλώς δημιουργημένα, κοινωνικώς αποδεκτά προσωπεία.
Κι όταν τον βρήκα επιτέλους φοβήθηκα, κι άρχισα να τρέχω με πανικό για να μην συνειδητοποιήσω άλλα. Και μακριά από αυτόν έτρεχα κι από όλους τους άλλους, που μου έδιναν ρηχά διδάγματα επιβίωσης και επέμεναν πως είμαι αδύναμος και πως πρέπει να «σκληρύνω» και να κρύψω τον εαυτό μου για να επιβιώσω.
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