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Μη ζεις τη ζωή σου θιγμένος από τα πάντα.

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Υπάρχουν απλώς κάποιοι άνθρωποι που ζουν τη ζωή τους θιγμένοι από τα πάντα. Αντί να επιτρέπουν στον εαυτό τους να ζει με αρμονία και με σεβασμό για τους άλλους, επιλέγουν να βρίσκονται «με την πλάτη στον τοίχο» σχεδόν πάντα.

Είναι ο κόσμος πάντα εναντίον τους; Όχι. Αυτό που συμβαίνει είναι ότι, μέσα στο λεπτό αλλά περίπλοκο κόσμο των συναισθημάτων και της προσωπικότητας, μερικοί άνθρωποι έχουν τη συνήθεια να είναι μονίμως θιγμένοι.

Αντί να αντιμετωπίζουμε τους ανθρώπους αυτούς ως ένα πρόβλημα που πρέπει να αποφύγουμε, πρέπει να καταλάβουμε τι συμβαίνει μέσα τους.

Η υπερευαισθησία, η χαμηλή αυτοεκτίμηση και η έλλειψη ψυχολογικών πόρων δημιουργεί σχήματα σκέψης που είναι υπερβολικά άκαμπτα.

Κάθε λέξη, πράξη ή χειρονομία ερμηνεύεται ως προσβολή. Εκεί βρίσκεται η ουσία του προβλήματος. Αυτός ο μειωμένος εαυτός βλέπει προβλήματα εκεί που δεν υπάρχουν και προκαταλήψεις εκεί που δεν υφίστανται.

Μερικές προσωπικότητες βλέπουν καταιγίδες εκεί που λάμπει ο ήλιος. Ας ρίξουμε μια λίγο πιο προσεκτική ματιά σε αυτό το θέμα.

Θιγμένοι 24 ώρες τη μέρα, 7 μέρες την εβδομάδα

«Δεν μπορώ καν να σου μιλήσω». «Θίγεσαι από τα πάντα». «Είσαι απίστευτος, πας από το κακό στο χειρότερο».

Αν έχετε ήδη ακούσει κάτι από τα παραπάνω στο παρελθόν, πιθανώς αισθανθήκατε απαίσια. Ωστόσο τα λόγια αυτά φέρουν κάποια αλήθεια.

Αν οι άνθρωποι γύρω μας έχουν πρόβλημα στην αλληλεπίδραση μαζί μας, αυτό συμβαίνει επειδή κάτι δεν πάει καλά. Αν αισθάνονται άβολα ή αν υπάρχουν συχνά προβλήματα λόγω παρεξηγήσεων, είναι σημαντικό να καταλάβουμε γιατί.

  • Αντί να σκέφτεστε «όλοι με μισούν», θυμηθείτε τη σημασία του να αφιερώσετε μια στιγμή για να σκεφτείτε βαθιά την κατάσταση.
  • Πρέπει να ξεφλουδίσουμε το κρεμμύδι που μας περιβάλλει για να δούμε τι συμβαίνει μέσα μας.

Παρακάτω θα ανακαλύψουμε τι συμβαίνει σε όσους συνεχώς παίρνουν τα πάντα προσωπικά και αισθάνονται θιγμένοι.

Σας θίγουν οι προσδοκίες σας, όχι οι άλλοι άνθρωποι

Ίσως έχετε υψηλές προσδοκίες που δεν αντιστοιχούν στην πραγματικότητα. Κατά κάποιον τρόπο όλοι έχουμε κάποια ιδέα για το πώς πιστεύουμε ότι θα πρέπει να ενεργούν οι άλλοι, πώς θα πρέπει να μας φέρονται και πώς θα πρέπει να αντιδρούν στα πράγματα.

Καταρχάς θα πρέπει να επισημάνουμε ότι οι παρακάτω προσεγγίσεις δεν καλύπτουν όλες τις καταστάσεις. Ας δούμε γιατί.

  • Το μοναδικό πράγμα που πρέπει να γνωρίζετε είναι το πώς θέλετε να σας φέρονται οι άλλοι άνθρωποι. Αξίζετε σεβασμό και πρέπει να τον απαιτείτε. Όλοι έχουν αυτή την ανάγκη.
  • Αυτό που κάνουν οι άλλοι άνθρωποι δεν είναι δική σας ευθύνη. Όλοι είναι ελεύθεροι να επιλέγουν τι θέλουν και να ενεργούν όπως τους ευχαριστεί, εφόσον υπάρχει αμοιβαίος σεβασμός.
  • Αν αποκτήσουμε εμμονή με τις ενέργειες του/της συντρόφου μας ή των φίλων μας, αυτό μπορεί να έχει μόνο κακό τέλος για μας.

Για να εξασφαλίσετε γαλήνη και μεγαλύτερη εσωτερική ισορροπία, έχετε υπόψη σας το εξής: να μην περιμένετε τίποτα από κανέναν, να έχετε προσδοκίες μονάχα από τον εαυτό σας.

Ο κόσμος δεν είναι εναντίον σας: εσείς πρέπει να εναρμονιστείτε με τον κόσμο.

Όσοι ζουν τη ζωή τους μονίμως θιγμένοι μπορούν να συγκριθούν με τον κορμό ενός δέντρου. Για να καταλάβετε τι εννοούμε, φανταστείτε το εξής:

  • Φανταστείτε ότι είστε ένα δέντρο πλάι στον ωκεανό. Το νερό έρχεται και φεύγει. Μερικές φορές ο άνεμος είναι ευγενικός και άλλες φορές είναι έντονος. Μερικές φορές ο ωκεανός σας χαϊδεύει και μερικές φορές σας χτυπάει με μια καταιγίδα.
  • Αν είστε ένα πραγματικά γερό και δυνατό δέντρο, ο ωκεανός, τα κύματα και τα στοιχεία της φύσης θα σας ρίξουν κάτω. Σύμφωνα με αυτό το σενάριο, η δύναμη και η ακαμψία του δέντρου συμβολίζουν το πείσμα μας, που μπορεί να είναι τόσο καταστροφικό για μας.
  • Ωστόσο, αν είστε όπως ο ευλύγιστος κορμός της καλαμιάς, θα λικνίζεστε με τον άνεμο και ακόμα και η πιο άγρια καταιγίδα δεν θα μπορέσει ποτέ να σας ξεριζώσει. Επειδή προσαρμόζεστε, και δεν στέκεστε σαν τοίχος, μπορείτε να αντέξετε το χτύπημα.

Το να ζείτε μονίμως θιγμένοι σας βλάπτει περισσότερο από οτιδήποτε άλλο.

  • Όσοι θίγονται εύκολα δημιουργούν έλλειψη εμπιστοσύνης.
  • Αν ζείτε τη ζωή σας πάντα θιγμένοι, τα αγαπημένα σας πρόσωπα θα σταματήσουν να αισθάνονται καλά μαζί σας και θα αρχίσουν να σας αποφεύγουν.
  • Αν εσείς απλώς θίγεστε όταν εκείνοι σας λένε καλά λόγια, θα δημιουργήσετε απόσταση.

Αγαπήστε τον εαυτό σας λίγο περισσότερο και σταματήστε το θόρυβο των έμμονων σκέψεων

Ο κόσμος δεν σας μισεί. Κανένας δεν είναι εναντίον σας. Μην ψάχνετε λόγους να είστε θιγμένοι όταν δεν υπάρχουν και μην αναζητάτε κακές προθέσεις όταν δεν υφίστανται.

  • Όσοι δεν αγαπούν τον εαυτό τους γίνονται απαιτητικοί με τους άλλους. Πάνω απ’όλα περιμένουν οι άλλοι να τους προσφέρουν ό,τι δεν προσφέρουν οι ίδιοι στον εαυτό τους: αγάπη, σεβασμό και εκτίμηση.
  • Αν δεν αρχίσουμε να δουλεύουμε πάνω στον εαυτό μας εκ των έσω, τα πιο πυκνά σκοτάδια μας θα συνεχίσουν να αναδύονται, μέχρι ολόκληρη η πραγματικότητά μας να γίνει μια κόλαση.

Απλώς δεν αξίζει τον κόπο. Πείτε λοιπόν όχι στον ανώφελο πόνο και μη ρίχνετε λάδι στη φωτιά. Αρχίστε να θεραπεύετε τις πληγές σας και δώστε στον εαυτό σας την αγάπη που χρειάζεται.

Μόνο όταν κάποιος αγαπάει αρκετά τον εαυτό του ο κόσμος θα αρχίσει να βελτιώνεται γι’αυτόν.

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Αν γεννηθούν οι ελπίδες, δεν πεθαίνουν ποτέ.

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Είμαστε ανόητοι οι άνθρωποι. Πραγματικά ανόητοι. Ζούμε για το χάος. Το χρειαζόμαστε, το κυνηγάμε, το βάζουμε σκοπό ζωής, αστέρι-οδηγό. Χρειαζόμαστε το δράμα για να είμαστε ευτυχισμένοι. Το αποζητάμε σαν τρελοί, λες και δεν ξέρουμε πως τρέχουμε ολοταχώς προς την καταστροφή. Μακάρι να μην ξέραμε, τότε θα ήμασταν απλώς αθώοι. Ένοχοι είμαστε κι εθελοτυφλούμε και κλείνουμε τα μάτια, λες και θα αλλάξει κάτι. Τίποτα δε θα αλλάξει. Ο γκρεμός ακόμη μπροστά μας κι εμείς με μια βουτιά να πέφτουμε χωρίς να παίρνουμε ούτε ανάσα.

Λένε πως η ελπίδα πεθαίνει πάντα τελευταία. Το θέμα είναι ποιον σκοτώνει για να επιβιώσει. Εμένα σκοτώνει, κι εσένα, και κάθε άλλο ανόητο σαν εμάς που κρατιέται πάνω της σαν σωσίβιο στον απέραντο ωκεανό. Ναι, ακόμη δε βουλιάξαμε. Άραγε για πόσο ακόμη;

Ξέρεις κάτι, όμως; Δεν τη γέννησα εγώ αυτή την ελπίδα. Δεν τη φύτεψα εγώ μέσα μου και δεν την πότιζα εγώ κάθε πρωί. Άλλος τη γέννησε, άλλος τη μεγάλωσε και την παράτησε μετά σε μένα να την προσέχω λες κι ήμουν μάνα της. Να την πάρεις πίσω την ελπίδα σου. Έτσι όπως μου την έδωσες, έτσι να την πάρεις πίσω. Να την κάνεις ό,τι θες, να τη σκοτώσεις, να τη ξεμαλλιάσεις, να την αφήσεις μόνη να μαραίνεται.

Άλλα φυσικά, δεν μπορείς εσύ να κάνεις κάτι τέτοιο. Στα μάτια σου είσαι καλός και το χειρότερο είναι πως στα δικά μου είσαι καλύτερος. Γι’ αυτό την έδωσες σε μένα, ήξερες πως εγώ θα τη φύλαγα μέσα μου σαν όνειρο, θα την κρατούσα και θα ζούσα μέσα από κείνη. Μέσα απ’ την ελπίδα τη δικιά σου. Το δικό σου δημιούργημα το λάτρεψα και το έκανα δικό μου. Να μη μου το ‘δινες ποτέ.

Πολλές φορές αναρωτιόμαστε τι συμβαίνει με εκείνους τους ανθρώπους που ξυπνούν έρωτες κι ύστερα χάνονται. Τόσο εγωιστές; Τόσο φαντασμένοι; Τόσο ανώριμοι, γελοίοι και φριχτοί; Παρακαλάς άδικα για ένα λεπτό στο αναθεματισμένο κεφάλι τους μπας και καταλάβεις. Ποτέ δε θα καταλάβεις, να το ξέρεις. Όσο πιο εύκολα τους ερωτεύεσαι τόσο πιο εύκολα θα σε πληγώσουν. Είναι σχεδόν προγραμματισμένο να συμβεί ένα γεγονός που θα τους τραβήξει μακριά σου. Και μετά, εσύ καημένε, προσπαθείς να βγάλεις άκρη. Άσ’ το, το παιχνίδι είναι χαμένο.

Η παράσταση τελείωσε κι ο καθένας έπαιξε τον ρόλο του. Τώρα εσύ που νόμισες πως δεν υπάρχει αυλαία, κακό του κεφαλιού σου. Δεν πρόσεξες τα ψεύτικα σκηνικά και τα έντονα φώτα; Ή μήπως τα πέρασες για αληθινά; Ψεύτικα ήταν, όμως, απ’ την αρχή· χαρτόνια και μπογιές και μουσαμάδες. Αυτός ήταν ο έρωτάς σου. Φτιαγμένος να κρατήσει δύο ώρες, να χαρεί το σόου και να διαλυθεί. Καλά, τις μάσκες δεν τις πρόσεξες;

Ανοίγουμε καρδιές και ξεχνάμε να κλειδώσουμε πίσω μας. Μπαίνει όποιος θέλει, λάμπει και χάνεται κι αφήνει εμάς να ψάχνουμε λίγο απ’ το φως του. Γιατί τι άλλο να θελήσουμε πέρα από ‘κείνο το φως, πιο σπουδαίο από κάθε λάμπα που είχε ανάψει μέχρι τώρα; Το περιμένουμε για μέρες, για μήνες, για χρόνια ατέλειωτα να επιστρέψει. Κι ας τολμήσει κάποιος να ζητήσει εξηγήσεις. Κανείς δε φταίει που αγάπησε το φως. Ούτε που το περίμενε. Και στο ξελόγιασμα ποιος φταίει; Αυτός που ξελογιάζει ή αυτός που ξελογιάζεται;

Ελπίδες, καταραμένες, αθάνατες, τυφλές ελπίδες. Αν γεννηθούν, μετά δεν πρόκειται να πεθάνουν πότε. Θα μείνουν εκεί, θα κατακλύσουν σώμα, μυαλό, καρδιά και θα αφήσουν τα σημάδια τους πάνω στις απονήρευτες ψυχές. Μα δεν τις θέλουμε τις ελπίδες, όχι πια, μας εξάντλησαν. Άραγε μπορούμε να τις σκοτώσουμε εμείς, μπορούμε να πνίξουμε τις πεταλούδες;

Για δες, σχεδόν γίναμε εμείς οι κακοί της ιστορίας. Φυσικά, λες ελπίδα και σκέφτεσαι λευκά περιστέρια κι ελευθερία. Ελευθερία; Πιο ισχυρά δεσμά από κείνα που φτιάχνουν οι ελπίδες δε θα βρεις. Ούτε να τα λύσεις, ούτε να τα κόψεις, ούτε να τα σπάσεις. Δεμένος μια ζωή.

Ξέχασες, όμως, τι σου είπα. Ο άνθρωπος είναι ανόητος. Τον έχεις εκεί δεμένο κι εκείνος χαίρεται. Περιμένει το θαύμα. Περιμένει πως εκείνος θα γυρίσει. Πως θα τολμήσει, πως θα ρισκάρει, πως θα πραγματοποιήσει όλα εκείνα τα αμέτρητα όνειρα. Αμ δε. Τίποτα δε θα κάνει. Θα είχε γίνει ήδη αν ήταν το γραφτό του. Τίποτα δεν είναι κι εσύ ακόμη χαίρεσαι κι ελπίζεις. Τα δεμένα χέρια ούτε που σε νοιάζουν, σχεδόν τα επιδεικνύεις χαρούμενος στους άλλους. Κάποτε έβλεπες, μα τώρα έγινες τυφλός, σαν τις ελπίδες σου.

Κι αν μία φορά κατάφερες κι έλυσες τα ξόρκια, μη χαίρεσαι πολύ. Στον επόμενο έρωτα πάλι θα πέσεις στα ίδια μάγια, πάλι θα περιμένεις και θα στρώσεις κόκκινα χαλιά. Δε γίνεται αλλιώς, έχουμε γεννηθεί διψώντας για όλο αυτό το χάος, για την ταλαιπωρία και την ανάγκη να κυνηγάμε το άπιαστο, το φευγαλέο. Μια ζωή θα ελπίζουμε και μια ζωή θα τρώμε τα μούτρα μας. Ας είναι. Το χάος πάντα είναι όμορφο.

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Η ζωή είναι δική μου, παρ’ το χαμπάρι!

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Μοιραστείτε το με τους φίλους σας

Της Κατερίνας Τσαμπά.

Τι κοινωνία είναι αυτή, που χαρακτηρίζει και στιγματίζει μια γυναίκα, όταν δεν έχει παντρευτεί, μέχρι την ηλικία που συνηθίζεται σύμφωνα με τις «κοινωνικές» επιταγές; Όταν έχει εμπειρίες; Όταν δε σηκώνει μύγα στο σπαθί της; Όταν παντρεύεται, αλλά δεν κάνει παιδιά;

Τι κοινωνία είναι αυτή, που εν έτει 2017, χαρακτηρίζεται με ειδεχθή επίθετα επειδή θα υποστηρίξει τα πιστεύω της; Γιατί; Επειδή είναι γυναίκα και η θέση της είναι αλλού; Στην κουζίνα πχ; Ας καγχάσω!

Θα περίμενες, και φυσιολογικά εδώ που τα λέμε, τα μυαλά των ανθρώπων να έχουν ανοίξει. Θα περίμενες ότι ο κόσμος θα ήθελε να διευρύνει το νου του. Τόσοι τρόποι υπάρχουν. Το διάβασμα, τα ταξίδια αλλά φευ!

Εγώ παντρεύτηκα στα 44,5 μου! Γούστο μου και καπέλο μου. Και ήμουν τυχερή που ταιριάξαμε με τον σύντροφό μου μιας και συναντηθήκαμε μόλις πριν δυο χρόνια. Για φαντάσου, πόσο δύσκολο είναι να ταιριάξεις με έναν άνθρωπο γενικά και σκέψου πόσο πιο δύσκολο γίνεται αυτό μεγαλώνοντας.

Μέχρι να γνωρίσω τον άντρα μου, είχα ακούσει πολλά! Μέχρι το μνημειώδες «ποιος θα σε πάρει εσένα» σε μια λογομαχία με γείτονα! Επειδή τόλμησα να του πω κατάμουτρα την αλήθεια. «Πότε θα φάμε κουφέτα από σένα, Κατερίνα;» Και άλλα διάφορα αστεία!

Από τότε που παντρεύτηκα όμως, λες και όλοι αλλάξανε τον τρόπο που με βλέπουν και συμπεριφέρονται. Σαν με περισσότερη εκτίμηση, σαν ότι αποκαταστάθηκε το όνομα μου στην κοινωνία και αυτό το τελευταίο είναι το μόνιμό μας αστείο με τον άντρα μου. Τον ευχαριστώ, που με αποκατάστησε στην κοινωνία! Χα χα.

Τι ξέρεις εσύ γείτονα, συγγενή ή γνωστέ, για τη ζωή μου; Που ξέρεις τι έχω περάσει για να φτάσω εδώ; Τι δοκιμασίες πέρασα ή όχι; Στην τελική μπορεί να είναι επιλογή μου να μένω ελεύθερη μέχρι την ηλικία που εσύ πιστεύεις ότι θα έπρεπε να «έχω κάνει κάτι με τη ζωή μου». Τι σε νοιάζει στην τελική;;!

Η ζωή μου είναι δική μου, την αξιοποιώ όπως επιθυμώ και κανένας, ούτε ο γονιός μου, δεν έχει λόγο! Αυτά και χαιρετίσματα σε όλους εκείνους που σκύβουν το κεφάλι κάθε που τους πληγώνουν οι ανίδεοι! Εγώ λέω, σηκώστε το κεφάλι και «βγαλ΄ τε τους τη γλώσσα»! Έτσι, για την αλητεία!

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Κατερίνα Τσαμπά

Στην τρελή μου καθημερινότητα έχω τη γραφή να μου δίνει αναπνοές, να με χαλαρώνει και να ηρεμεί το μυαλό μου. Έτσι μπορώ να συνεχίσω την υπόλοιπη μέρα μου με άλλη διάθεση. Λατρεύω την επικοινωνία μέσω της γραφής. Θεωρώ τον εαυτό μου τυχερό γιατί έχω πολύ καλούς φίλους τους οποίους αγαπώ. Θεωρώ σημαντικότατη την αγάπη, να αγαπάς και να αγαπιέσαι και χωρίς αυτή θα ένιωθα μισή. Σιχαίνομαι τα ψέματα και τα αναγνωρίζω από μακριά. Δεν μπλέκομαι σε ίντριγκες και όπου βλέπω τέτοιες φεύγω τρέχοντας. Προσπαθώ πάντα να βρω το θετικό ακόμα και μέσα από κάτι αρνητικό κι έτσι πορεύομαι στη ζωή προσπαθώντας να ζω τη μέρα για την κάθε μέρα.

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Αν θέλεις να ξεπεράσεις τους φόβους σου, ζήσε κοντά τους.

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Του Νίκου Θεοφιλόπουλου.

Αν θέλεις να δεις τον αληθινό χαρακτήρα ενός ανθρώπου,

Νευρίασέ τον.

Αν θέλεις να δοκιμάσεις τον χαρακτήρα ενός ανθρώπου,

Μην τον βγάζεις από μια δύσκολη θέση, κι ας ξέρει πως μπορείς.

Αν θέλεις να ανακαλύψεις τον εαυτό σου,

Ανακάλυψε τους φόβους σου.

Αν θέλεις να ξεπεράσεις τον εαυτό σου,

Βρες το θάρρος να τους νικήσεις.

Αν θέλεις να ξεπεράσεις τους φόβους σου,

Ζήσε κοντά τους.

Μια φίλη, για να ξεπεράσει τον φόβο της με τα σκυλιά, ενάν φόβο που με ταλαιπωρεί κι εμένα για δεκαετίες, έθεσε σαν στόχο στην ζωή της να έχει πάντα ένα σκυλί στο σπίτι της.

Αν θέλεις να κάνεις το πρώτο βήμα προς την ευτυχία,

Αγνόησε τους φόβους σου.

Αν θέλεις να μάθεις πως βλέπει κάποιος τον εαυτό του,

Άκουσε προσεκτικά πως σε κρίνει και πως σου συμπεριφέρεται.

Αν θέλεις να αντιμετωπίσεις αποτελεσματικά το παρελθόν σου,

Δες το σαν μια σκιά που σε ακολουθεί. Μην το κυνηγάς, δεν θα το πιάσεις ποτέ. Άσε το να σε ακολουθεί, και δεν θα μπει μπροστά σου ποτέ ξανά.

Αν θέλεις να καταλάβεις τι σκέφτονται οι άνθρωποι,

Μην ακούς τι λένε. Δες τι κάνουν.

Παρατήρησε τον τρόπο με τον οποίο κοιτάνε γύρω τους. Οι κινήσεις του σώματός τους, των χεριών τους, το που κοιτάνε τα μάτια τους, όταν είναι σιωπηλοί ή όταν μιλάς μαζί τους, καθρεφτίζουν την σκέψη τους.

Αν θέλεις να ορίζεις εσύ την ζωή σου,

Εκπαίδευσε το μυαλό σου έτσι ώστε να σε υπηρετεί.

Τέλος, η λύση σε ένα πρόβλημα μερικές φορές είναι τόσο απλή, που αρνούμαστε να το πιστέψουμε.

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