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Τις δικές μου σιωπές τις λέω αποφάσεις.

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Της Ασημίνας Μάνου.

Τα πιο μεγάλα «κατάλαβα» της ζωής μας τα είπαμε δίχως να μιλήσουμε. Δίχως να ζητήσουμε τους λόγους που οδήγησαν τους άλλους να μας φερθούν, έτσι όπως μας φέρθηκαν, τόσο σκάρτα. Και λέγοντας από μέσα μας ένα απλό «εντάξει» προσπαθήσαμε να τη συνεχίσουμε, προσποιούμενοι πως δεν πληγωθήκαμε ποτέ και ότι δεν μας ένοιαξε στην τελική για το τι έγινε.

Μα δεν είναι καθόλου έτσι τα πράγματα. Όλα μας νοιάζουν και όλοι θέλουμε να πάρουμε απαντήσεις κάποια στιγμή. Απαντήσεις που ποτέ δεν μπορέσαμε να μάθουμε, που ποτέ δεν μπορέσαμε να μαντέψουμε καθώς έτσι ξαφνικά κι ανεξήγητα συνέβησαν όλα. Όλοι διψάμε για αλήθειες σε ένα κόσμο που το ψέμα και η υποκρισία βασιλεύει. Μα δεν είναι, ωστόσο, όλοι οι άνθρωποι το ίδιο. Άλλοι έχουν μάθει να μιλούν με την αλήθεια τους και να την δίνουν στους άλλους, όποια και να’ ναι αυτή. Κι άλλοι απλά προτιμούν πίσω από ψεύτικες μάσκες να σου χαμογελούν, ενώ την ίδια στιγμή τους διατρέχει μια αρνητικότητα για σένα. Προτιμούν απλά να σε απομακρύνουν, χωρίς να σου πουν το οτιδήποτε, έτσι όπου στο τέλος να σε κάνουν να νιώθεις εσύ ενοχές και τύψεις και να αναρωτιέσαι για το τι κακό μπορεί να τους έκανες.

Στην ζωή όμως αξίζει να δίνεις εξηγήσεις μόνο στους ξηγημένους, μόνο σε αυτούς που θα σου ανοίξουν την καρδιά τους και θα σου δείξουν τα όσα πραγματικά νιώθουν. Μόνο σε όσους θα έρθουν να σε βρουν από κοντά και θα στα πουν όλα στα ίσα. Ακόμα κι ας μην ξαναμιλήσετε ποτέ, ακόμα κι αν ποτέ δεν τα ξαναβρείτε, αλλά να έρθουν να ξεκαθαρίσουν τα όσα έγιναν. Να ακούσουν τη δική σου πλευρά και να σου πουν και τη δική τους κι ύστερα με δεδομένα και στοιχεία πια, να καταλήξετε σε μια κοινή απόφαση.

Σε όλους όσους προσποιούνται και κρύβονται ούτε η αδιαφορία σου τους αξίζει. Δεν αξίζει να ασχοληθείς καν και να κάνεις τον κόπο να λύσεις όσα θέματα έχετε, καθώς ο εγωισμός τους ποτέ δεν θα τους επιτρέψει να αποδεσμευτούν από τα συναισθήματά τους, με αποτέλεσμα να βρεθείτε πάλι στο ίδιο σημείο απ’ όπου είχατε ξεκινήσει.

Κάποιοι άνθρωποι δυστυχώς δεν παίρνουν από λόγια, από εξηγήσεις γιατί θεωρούν τον εαυτό τους αλάνθαστο και τους είναι πιο εύκολο να κατηγορήσουν τους άλλους παρά να κοιτάξουν οι ίδιοι τον εαυτό τους. Επομένως είναι μάταιο να κυνηγάς τέτοια άτομα και να προσπαθείς να σαι εντάξει μαζί τους.

Έτσι κι εγώ έχω μάθει τα σταράτα λόγια, αυτές τις κουβέντες πρόσωπο με πρόσωπο, όπου μιλούν η καρδιά και τα μάτια μόνο. Έχω μάθει να πετάω τις αλήθειες μου σαν βόμβες, χωρίς να με νοιάζει το αποτέλεσμα. Έχω μάθει να’ μαι τα λάθη μου και τα σωστά μου και να μου τα αναγνωρίζω. Έχω μάθει να δίνω εξηγήσεις μόνο σε άτομα όπου ξέρω πως τις αξίζουν, σε άτομα που οφείλω να το κάνω.

Σε όλους τους υπόλοιπους τους δήθεν, που μασάνε τα λόγια τους, που δεν έχουν ίχνος ειλικρίνειας πάνω τους, που φοβούνται να σταθούν μπροστά σου και να σε κοιτάξουν στα μάτια, σε αυτούς που όταν θα γυρίσω την πλάτη μου κι η ψυχή τους θα βράζει ακόμα με όσα δεν μου είπαν, έχω μάθει να απαντώ βουβά και την σιωπή μου να την δείχνω στις αποφάσεις μου, δίχως πολλά λόγια.

Κάποτε παραδόξως έτρεχα να δικαιολογηθώ. Τους αναζητούσα και βασανιζόμουν βράδια ατελείωτα για το τι μπορεί να έφταιξε, για το τι μπορεί να τους έκανα. Τώρα όμως ξέρω που πρέπει να δικαιολογηθώ και που όχι. Δεν χάνω το χρόνο μου σε κυνηγητά που στο τέλος δεν βγάζουν άκρη, παρά έναν θυμό. Δεν απαντώ σε ερωτήσεις που ξέρω ότι οι απαντήσεις μου δεν έχουν παρά μόνο μια εικονική σημασία. Δεν ασχολούμαι με καταστάσεις που ξέρω ήδη πως είναι τελειωμένες.

Έτσι τις δικές μου σιωπές , τις λέω αποφάσεις ,για όσους δεν ήταν εντάξει απέναντί μου.

Έτσι αν δεν έρθω να σε βρω, σημαίνει πως όλα έχουν τελειώσει για μένα.

Αν δεν σου δώσω εξηγήσεις, να ξέρεις πως έχω πάψει να σε νοιάζομαι.

Κι αν σου γελάσω να’ σαι σίγουρος ότι κάνω ακριβώς το ίδιο που κάνεις κι εσύ.

αναπνοές

Ασημίνα Μάνου

Γραμμές ευθείες με άτακτες σειρές, γραμμές γεμάτες λέξεις που ηχούν σαν μια ξέφρενη μελωδία, χρωματίζουν όλο μου τον κόσμο. Περπατώ πάνω σε αυτήν την γραμμή και με την βοήθεια μιας πένας ξεπερνώ τα εμπόδια που μου κλείνουν τον δρόμο. Για μένα κάθε μέρα είναι και μια μικρή ζωή, κι ακριβώς επειδή είναι μικρή προσπαθώ με κάθε τρόπο να την κάνω να μοιάζει με μια ίσια και στρωμένη γραμμή, μια γραμμή που συνεχίζει και δεν έχει τέλος. Θα τελειώσει μόνο όταν εγώ σταματήσω να γράφω και βάλω την τελευταία τελεία. Θα τελειώσει μόνο όταν πάψω να αισθάνομαι και να σκέφτομαι. Ως τότε όμως έχω πολλές ευθείες να βαδίσω ακόμα και να ανακαλύψω τον κόσμο σε κάθε στροφή που θα συναντώ.

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feautured

Άντρα σε κάνουν οι πράξεις, όχι τα λόγια

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Γράφει ο Κωνσταντίνος Καρύδης

«Όλοι μαλάκες είναι».
Πόσο εύκολα έχουν ειπωθεί αυτές οι λέξεις. Πόσο μελάνι δεν χύθηκε, πόσες συζητήσεις έμειναν στη μέση μόνο και μόνο γιατί το συμπέρασμα ήταν το εξής ένα. «Όλοι μαλάκες είναι».

Συμφωνώ, υπάρχουν πολλών ειδών «μαλάκες». Αν, όμως, εσύ δεν μπορείς να ξεχωρίσεις το αγόρι απʾ τον άντρα, και τον άντρα απʾ το αρσενικό δε σου φταίει κανένας, είναι δικό σου θέμα και καθόλου δεν με ενδιαφέρει.

Κρύβεσαι πίσω από δύο αποσιωπητικά, βουτηγμένη μέσα στο δήθεν φεμινισμό σου και δεν καταλαβαίνεις πως ουσιαστικά κάνεις ζημιά μόνο σε εσένα.

Το αγόρι, ο άντρας ή το αρσενικό (αν και τα δυο τελευταία έχουν λίγο μπερδεμένο νόημα) υπάρχει πιθανότητα να μην πάψει ποτέ να έχει αυτή του την ιδιότητα μέχρι τέλους.

Υπάρχει, όμως, καλή μου, μια κατηγορία αγοριών τα οποία «μυρίζουν» από μακριά πως όταν τα μαλλιά τους ασπρίσουν, θα έχουν αποδείξει ότι είναι αρσενικά (κρατώντας το «αρσενικά» ως τον υπέρτατο χαρακτηρισμό σʾ έναν άντρα).
Θα ωριμάσει μέσα από τον αυτοσαρκασμό του και θα βάλει την εκτίμηση που έχει στη γυναίκα δίπλα του πάνω απʾ όλα.

Είναι αυτός ο άντρας που θα ήθελες να δεις δίπλα στην κόρη σου, εκείνος στον οποίο θα ήθελες να μοιάσει ο γιος σου.

Είναι αυτός που θα καταφέρει να σʾ ανεβάσει ψηλά χωρίς να έχει μπράτσα και κοιλιακούς. Ξέρει να ξεχωρίσει το γυναικάκι απʾ την γυναίκα και θα διυλίσει την κάθε σου ματιά.

Ξέρει τι θα πει ευγένεια, εκτίμηση και θα στη δείξει ακόμα και στον τρόπο που περπατάει δίπλα σου ή στον τρόπο που μιλάει για εσένα στους φίλους του.

Δεν πιστεύω να νομίζετε πως ακόμα κι αυτός ο τύπος άντρα δε θα κοιτάξει άλλη γυναίκα.
Φυσικά και θα κοιτάξει, μα το νόημα δεν είναι τι θα κοιτάξει, αλλά πού θα καταλήξει τελικά το βλέμμα του, γιατί πολύ απλά εκείνο ανήκει μόνο σʾ εσένα.

Τα υπόλοιπα απλά τα προσπερνά σαν την πρώτη ματιά που ρίχνει μπαίνοντας σʾ ένα bar προσπαθώντας να βρει ένα κενό τραπέζι να κάτσετε.
Αυτό είσαι για εκείνον, η ξεχωριστή, μοναδική γωνιά, το μοναδικό τραπέζι που ψάχνει να βρει για νʾ αράξει.

Για τον πραγματικό άντρα, το «σʾ ευχαριστώ» και το «συγγνώμη» είναι ένα σύνολο γραμμάτων τα οποία με μεγάλη ευκολία θα τα συντάξει στη σωστή σειρά, για να τους αποδώσει τις τιμές που τους αναλογούν και μαζί μʾ αυτά και σε εσένα.

Την αποδοχή σου την έχει γραμμένη στα παλαιότερα των υποδημάτων του, μιας κι αυτό που αναζητά είναι η εκτίμηση κι ο σεβασμός σου.
Θα αποζητήσει σʾ εσένα τη γνώμη σου, την άποψή σου κι όχι ένα κοριτσάκι που θα του ψελλίζει συνεχόμενα, φοβισμένα «ναι».

Απλώνει το χέρι του να σε κρατήσει, έτσι απλά, επειδή είναι ικανός να κάνει το απλό, σημαντικό.

Είσαι η ιδανική για εκείνον, όχι επειδή συμμορφώνεσαι με κάποια πρότυπα, αλλά επειδή δεν τον ενδιαφέρει το ιδανικό και δεν το ψάχνει. Ξέρει τον τρόπο να σε κάνει να νιώσεις ιδανική για εκείνον κι αυτό του αρκεί.

Είναι ο άντρας που δεν είναι όμορφος, αλλά θα σου αποδεικνύει καθημερινά πως μοναδικός σκοπός του είναι το να νιώθει όμορφος στα μάτια σου.

Ξέρει να ηγηθεί, και μέσα απʾ την ηγετική του υπόσταση θα καλύψει όλες σου τις ανασφάλειες, την ίδια στιγμή που στα μάτια σου θα αναζητά εκείνη που θα μείνει στα δύσκολα χωρίς πολλές φαμφάρες.

Να ξέρεις πως τα λόγια του είναι οι πράξεις του, αλλά ακόμα κι όταν τα χρησιμοποιεί, το κάνει για να μην ξεχνιέσαι, γιατί ξεχνιέστε, αγαπητή μου.

Είναι εκείνος που στο άκουσμά του θα ριγήσεις από πόθο, θα σε κάνει να τον ποθήσεις παίζοντας με το μυαλό σου κι όχι με το κορμί σου.

Στο τέλος της ημέρας, στο κρεβάτι σου, θα είναι αυτός που, κλείνοντας τα μάτια σου δίπλα του, θα σε κάνει να χαμογελάσεις με την εικόνα ενός γέρου γκριζομάλλη που σε πλησιάζει από πίσω κουτσαίνοντας, και σε παίρνει αγκαλιά, την ίδια στιγμή που φιλά τον ρυτιδιασμένο σου λαιμό.

Αυτός ο ίδιος που το πρωί δε θα ξεχάσεις ποτέ να τον αποχαιρετήσεις με μια καλημέρα και ένα φιλί.

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feautured

Όσο αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου τόσο θα αγαπάς τους άλλους.

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Της Ανθής Κατερίνη.

Αποκτάς μεγαλύτερη αγάπη για τους άλλους όταν αρχίζεις να φροντίζεις τον εαυτό σου. Εάν θέλεις να τους αγαπήσεις και δεν μπορείς να το εκφράσεις, η ίδια αυτή δυσκολία υπάρχει στην σχέση σου με τον εαυτό σου. Και αν σήμερα θέλεις να τους πεις πόσο όμορφοι είναι, είναι γιατί τα λόγια και οι πράξεις σου δεν κατευθύνονται εχθρικά προς τον εαυτό σου όπως χθες. Από τις σωστές για σένα επιλογές απορρέει από μέσα σου η επιθυμία να σου πεις μπράβο και έτσι καταλήγεις να επιβραβεύεις την ύπαρξη των άλλων που υπάρχουν εκεί και στέκουν τόσο όμορφοι. Με ιδιαίτερη ομορφιά, με την φιλικότητα και τον αυθορμητισμό τους, με την επιμονή και την εργατικότητά τους, με το άγχος τους, με την ντροπαλότητά τους. Όλοι βλέπεις σου αρέσουν τέτοιες μέρες που έχεις φροντίσει τον εαυτό σου και όλους τους αγαπάς ακόμη και αν είναι τόσο διαφορετικοί μεταξύ τους. Αποτελούν πλευρές του εαυτού σου και τις αποδέχεσαι. Μα εάν κάποια έχεις αποκλείσει από την ταυτότητά σου και δεν την θεωρείς δική σου πλευρά καταβάθος την ζηλεύεις και την αποστρέφεσαι σαν ατελής άνθρωπος που είσαι, που δεν του αρέσει να τον βαραίνει μία αίσθηση κατωτερότητας. Γι’ αυτό δεν πρέπει να φοβάσαι να γίνεις όλα αυτά που έχεις αποκλείσει πως μπορείς να είσαι. Αυτό ήταν μέχρι χτες. Σήμερα μπορείς να επιλέξεις από την αρχή. Μια επιλογή σε κρατά και η ιδέα πως δεν ήταν τέτοια όμορφα πράγματα στο πεδίο των επιλογών σου.
Όσο αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου τόσο θα αγαπάς τους άλλους. Όσο πιο όμορφο σε βρίσκεις τόσο θα βλέπεις ομορφιά στους άλλους.
Σταμάτα τις πράξεις που σε οδηγούνε σε φαύλους κύκλους αρνητικών συναισθημάτων. Αν σε τρέφει αυτή η ρόδα που πάνω της τσουλάς και ταυτόχρονα στην άσφαλτο πατιέσαι, μάθε να μην φοβάσαι να μείνεις εκτεθειμένος με τον πόνο σου, αντί να τον καλύπτεις με σκουπίδια. Μάθε πως όταν σταματήσεις τα εφήμερα παυσίπονα τότε θα σε διδάξει ο πόνος σου. Πρέπει να τον κοιτάξεις και μια φορά στα μάτια. Να μην τον πνίγεις με μία κουβέρτα για να εξαφανιστεί. Αντιθέτως, να καλύψεις εσένα με την κουβέρτα αυτή, να ζεσταθείς και ό, τι άσχημο ,θα δεις, που θα φύγει σαν μικρόβιο που δεν μπόρεσε να επιζήσει μέσα σε έναν οργανισμό που οι στρατιώτες του πολέμησαν με τόλμη και δύναμη για την προστασία του παλατιού τους. Γύμνασε τους πολεμιστές της ψυχής σου και θα γίνεις ο καλύτερος προστάτης του εαυτού σου. Γιατί όσο και να μην θέλουμε να το παραδεχτούμε εάν κατηγορούμε κάποιον για το κακό που μας έκανε, στην πραγματικότητα κατηγορούμε εμάς που μας φερθήκαμε με τέτοια αναισθησία και δεν μας προστατέψαμε όπως μας άξιζε. Και τέτοια ντροπή πώς να την ξεχάσεις; Με το να κάνεις τον εαυτό σου να σε εμπιστευτεί ξανά. Να πιστέψει πως εάν αφεθεί χαλαρός στα χέρια σου δεν θα βρεθεί ξανά στο πάτωμα, αλλά θα είσαι εκεί να τον αφήσεις να πέσει απαλά μέσα στην τρυφερή σου χούφτα.

αναπνοές

Ανθή Κατερίνη

Κάθε φορά που χάνομαι ανάμεσα στον ρεαλισμό και τον ρομαντισμό, στην αισιοδοξία και την απαισιοδοξία παίζω με τις λέξεις για να με ανακαλύψω. Οι σκέψεις μου χορεύουν στάζοντας μελάνι και δεν ξέρεις ποτέ τι θα σχηματίσουν τα βήματά τους. Η αδυναμία μου είναι οι όμορφες ψυχές. Μυρωδιές, μουσικές, εικόνες χρωματίζουν την καθημερινότητα μου. Στόχος μου είναι η αυτοβελτίωση γι’ αυτό συχνά αλλάζω αφήνοντας πίσω ότι στέκεται εμπόδιο ανάμεσα σε μένα και τον εαυτό μου.

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feautured

Η Ελλάδα πάντα από κάπου αιμορραγεί.

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Της Δικαίας Μαραβέλια.

Αγαπητέ μου Έλληνα, ξέρεις από τότε που η Ελλαδίτσα μας θυμάται τον εαυτό της, πάντα από κάπου αιμορραγεί.
Τραβάς εσύ από την μια, τραβούν οι υπόλοιποι από την άλλη και τώρα είναι η ώρα που χρειάζεται την καλύτερη περίθαλψη γιατί αιμορραγεί στο κέντρο της.
Οι αξίες μας, ο πολιτισμός μας, η ψυχή μας, εμείς οι ίδιοι αφήσαμε να μας τα πάρουν… και τώρα απαιτείς να στα επιστρέψουν. 
Φοβάσαι να πεις δημόσια, ότι φοβάσαι για τα παιδιά σου;
Ξέρεις φοβάμαι, που φοβάσαι. Φοβάμαι που νομίζεις ότι τα θέματα που απασχολούν ολόκληρο τον πλανήτη δεν σε απασχολούν.
Ναι ζούμε στην πιο ευλογημένη χώρα στο κόσμο, στην χώρα της δημοκρατίας, στην χώρα που κάνουμε ποστ μόνο, τις σοφίες των σοφών μας, χωρίς να γνωρίζουμε το βαθύτερο νόημα τους.
Φοβάμαι… αλλά είμαι αισιόδοξη. Για τα παιδιά ρε, για τα παιδιά μας!

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Δικαία Μαραβέλια

Η Δικαία Μαραβέλια ζει μόνιμα στη Σύμη.
Μεγαλωμένη και κανακεμένη, στα γόνατα του παπά Τάσου, με ιερή στιγμή αυτή που την τάϊζε γλυκό σταφύλι με τόση ευλάβεια, σαν να ήταν κοινωνία.
Τον έβλεπε πάντα να γράφει όταν δεν λειτουργούσε.
Τώρα έφτασε η ώρα να ακολουθήσει τα χνάρια του, συντροφιά με τους αγγέλους της.

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